Tonights the night

Tonight I just had enough. Just watched oorn again and I feel the same thing every time. I just hate myself. It has ruined enough relationships.
I have watched porn since I was a teenager and I have had some longer breaks. But I always keep coming back. But this time I will do this journal and I hope it will help.
Every time I promise myself that I will stop. But it usually takes less than a week before I am back where I started.

I have had so many awkward nights with girls where I can't complete an intercourse because my brain is hard wired to porn. The only thing that makes me orgasm is watching porn. So many girls have wondered, why can't you ejaculate. And I always say that it is just the way I am. But in all honesty I don't even enjoy sex that much. Because of porn. I get bored of sex within minutes and usually think more about staying hard, than enjoying it. I am now over 40 and still the same problem. So, this is it. I will now stop watching porn all together. And I hope this journal will help me.
Reading everyone's stories helps a lot. It's nice to know it's not just me. Which I thought for many years. My new life starts now.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Welcome to the forum, TimeToStop!

You can do it! This place is full of people who started off just as stuck, just as addicted, and now they've changed for the better.

You deserve a life free from this, and true connection.
 
Thank you so much! It feels so good to have someone else than my brain to show that I can do this.

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was to watch porn. But then I remembered that I had made this journal, and that I need to stay strong. Not only for myself, but for my journal and all you people on this forum.
1st day, and I actually feel I can do this now. I needed a purpose and with this journal I feel that I have.
 
Day 2. Today is the real test. When I am hungover my brain craves sexual stimulation and porn is always the easiest way. I am so glad that I am making this journal. It is the only thing that is keeping me away from porn today. I can't stop thinking about it, but I will make it. If I can make it today, I can make it tomorrow and every other day after that.
And so can you.
 

Crackers1

Member
Day's almost over, and I have made it. Feels so good! Now I know I can get through this.
Hey brother it may get worse. I know I felt good for the 1st 2 or 3 days and then I went bonkers into about the 2nd and 3rd week. I almost thought I need to be hospitalized and on medication. Right now I'm feeling much better, but still have triggers. One thing that works for me and might not work for others is that I have to resign to the fact that I have to go with no Internet no YouTube, No Facebook,no triggers, cold turkey. Even this forum triggers me a little bit, just with the language. Check emails and come on here occasionally and that's it.
 
Hey brother it may get worse. I know I felt good for the 1st 2 or 3 days and then I went bonkers into about the 2nd and 3rd week. I almost thought I need to be hospitalized and on medication. Right now I'm feeling much better, but still have triggers. One thing that works for me and might not work for others is that I have to resign to the fact that I have to go with no Internet no YouTube, No Facebook,no triggers, cold turkey. Even this forum triggers me a little bit, just with the language. Check emails and come on here occasionally and that's it.
Thanks man! I have actually gone without P for over 3 months before and felt really good. But for some reason I started watching it again. This time feels different though. I feel a commitment and dedication to my journal and I don't want to disappoint myself or anyone here.
 
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Day 3

2 days PMO.
0 days MO

I did do MO yesterday, but no P. And that is my main goal, to stop watching P all together.
I will try the 90 days PMO, but won't guilt myself for MO'ing.
 
Day 4


3 days PMO.
1 day MO

Another day of the week. Yesterday I was to tired to even think about anything else than sleeping. This week will be tough though. Probably going to be hungover three days. And I don't usually drink, it's just so many things happening the same week.
But I'll make it. 90 days, here I come.
 
4 days PMO.
2 day MO

Tough day, woke up and really had the urge to do something wrong. But this journal and all you people gets me through it.
I have a lot at work as well and that helps.
This is probably going to be one of the toughest weeks so a good test of my discipline. I will stay strong and so will you.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Every time you think of turning to porn just type in “Reboot Nation” instead. You can read stories here to make sure you don’t feel lone and you can tell us candidly how you are doing.

This is massive don’t forget that. So many others out there don’t have your bravery. You inspire.
 
Every time you think of turning to porn just type in “Reboot Nation” instead. You can read stories here to make sure you don’t feel lone and you can tell us candidly how you are doing.

This is massive don’t forget that. So many others out there don’t have your bravery. You inspire.
Thanks mate! That is my plan. I am trying to make myself think about my journal and all of you every time porn comes to mind.
 
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6 days PMO.
4 day MO

Alright, getting close to a week and I feel stronger about this than ever before. Today has been super hard to get by. Hungover, tired and really frustrated sexually. But once again, this journal and thinking about everyone here got me through it.
I won't even MO today, will really go for the 90 days.

Love you all, keep safe and don't watch porn.
 
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7 days PMO.
5 day MO

I wrote the last update really late last night. And I can't sleep very well. Having struggles now and feel like slipping. Which I won't, I only needed to come here and convince myself to keep strong.
Dreaming about my ex, trying to get her back in my dreams. We both wanted it to end so not sure why I feel like this about her. I guess the loniless takes over and the brain just remember all the good stuff.
It's getting colder and the dark winter is on the horizon. Feeling my depression growing stronger for every day. At least I know that most of my depression is caused by porn. So I know it will get better. It is just so hard right now. It's every other day. I'm very ok one day. The next day I want it all to end.
Almost feel bi-polar.
The drinking yesterday and today was cancelled, which I'm pretty happy about. It's even more difficult to not feel depressed when being hungover. Too much going on at the moment that I don't feel good about.
But at least I have this journal and all of you here. And my porn free future. It will get better, I know that. This is just one of those days that you want to sleep through. Which I might do.

I hope I can read this back in a while and feel that I'm not there any longer.

Stay strong
 

searching4good

Active Member
Great work @TimeToStop - a week is a fantastic milestone. Keep going! I have an awful lot of work to do but I've found that really committing to journalling here has been such an important part of my transition to taking seriously the desire to rid myself of P.

We're all on journeys of self discovery but we're on that journey together too, in a way. Looking forward to seeing yours progress in a wonderful way.
 
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