Tonights the night

Great work @TimeToStop - a week is a fantastic milestone. Keep going! I have an awful lot of work to do but I've found that really committing to journalling here has been such an important part of my transition to taking seriously the desire to rid myself of P.

We're all on journeys of self discovery but we're on that journey together too, in a way. Looking forward to seeing yours progress in a wonderful way.
Thank you! This journal really helps. I would not been able to do it without it and all ypu people here.
We'll all help each other get through this. I know it will get better.
I'll follow your progress as well.
 
8 days PMO.
6 day MO

Slept through most of yesterday. But went for a really long walk, which really helped. Training, running and walking helps me think about other stuff than P. It's when I'm sitting in my sofa, watching TV that the urges comes and almost gets too strong. It's when I get restless my brain starts to convince me that watching some P would be an easy relief to the restlessness. But I have actually started to outsmart my brain. Asking myself what P I would look at if I decided to. And I can't answer that. There is no P good enough to waste my life over. I have wasted half my life on P, and enough is enough. I can't wait to get a better life, without depression and maybe even start my own family.

Keep strong, all of us.
 
9 days PMO.
7 days MO

Overslept this morning. I don't feel as horny as I usually do. Feels really good to be on this streak now and actually be convinced that I can do it. Been working non stop since I woke up. Will try to go to the gym and not fall asleep on the couch. I managed to watch a movie last night and not think about porn.
Progress! Looking forward to my new self.

Thanks for helping me helping myself!
 
10 days PMO
8 days MO

Every single day is different. So weird. Now my brain really wants me to fail. It comes up with so many reasons to why I should go back to my old ways. But I will not go back. There are no valid reasons. There is no P in the world worth it. The way I feel afterwards. The pain of being back to zero once again.
Every time I fail, I look myself in the mirror and ask myself if I'm 15 again.
I will succeed, no matter what.

Keep strong
 

Simon2

Well-Known Member
That's the spirit! Stay strong!

It's amazing what the addict tries to do to convince us to break. To me it seems at first it's like a furious breaking of waves in a storm, but with time the waves become smaller, the peaks are separated more in time, and eventually it all smoothes out very much. But it takes patience.
 

GrateClips

Active Member
10 days PMO
8 days MO

Every single day is different. So weird. Now my brain really wants me to fail. It comes up with so many reasons to why I should go back to my old ways. But I will not go back. There are no valid reasons. There is no P in the world worth it. The way I feel afterwards. The pain of being back to zero once again.
Every time I fail, I look myself in the mirror and ask myself if I'm 15 again.
I will succeed, no matter what.

Keep strong
your approach is great. one day at a time. some days are harder than others. just when things get easier something else comes along. but soon you will find a new default state of existence - life without having to search out for PMO
 
your approach is great. one day at a time. some days are harder than others. just when things get easier something else comes along. but soon you will find a new default state of existence - life without having to search out for PMO
Thanks! So great with all the amazing people here helping out. Makes it so much easier.
 
12 days PMO
10 days MO

Yesterday was so hectic. Did not even have time to think about anything else than work. And I even felt that I did not have to write in my journal. Today is more difficult and my brain wants P. Or at least M. No dice. I'm sticking with my goal and I will make it.
Keeping busy helps and I already feel that I want to do more things, I have more energy.
I wish that I had started this journey fifteen years ago, but better late than another fifteen years of self depravation.

Keep strong!
 
13 days PMO
11 days MO

Getting ready for the weekend and the most difficult part of the week to go through with no PMO. Feel stronger than ever. Can't explain how happy I am that I joined this forum and see a real future for myself.

Long way to go still. But I never felt this certain of making it before.

Keep strong and don't look back.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Don’t look back. Three brilliant words.

Keep going, don’t let porn win. It’s one of the worst things about both the twentieth and twenty first centuries. Remember your brain is scarred and it is going to be fighting back. Don’t let it win. Don’t look back.
 
15 days PMO
13 days MO

Had a good day yesterday. Starting to forget all about P. A bit harder today, but was with a girl yesterday so just feel that this is so worth it. And I have no plan on ever watching P again.

As GBS said, best three words. Don't look back. These will be my guiding words from now on.
 
16 days PMO
0 days MO

Failure. Could not go through the day, it just got to strong. I will restart today and this time I will make it. Did not watch P and so happy about that. Saw some naked pics online and the urges got to strong. Nothing P related but still feel bad about it. It's still what makes my brain tick and I don't want to fall back.
Did not think about anything when MO'ing so that's some progress at least.
Sorry to disappoint myself and everyone else.
I feel strong still.
 
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TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Don't worry, we continue where we left off.

It's good to arm yourself with more knowledge.

1. https://sites.tufts.edu/emotiononth...oital-neurochemistry-the-blues-and-the-highs/

2. Habits take time to break. Even if the mind say no, the body's actions are complusive. Work on saying no to the action, and not just the desire.

3. Replacement!
Must have more feel good replacements to replace the time that would otherwise be spent on old habits.

The path to liberation is never a straight line. It is however important to have a meaningful and reasonable goal. Please do try to keep to at least 1 month clean. Because
1. 2 Weeks is 1 refractory cycle and the most critical to start brain rewireing without hormonal influences
2. 1 month is when the mind gets sufficient rewireing time to start becoming less complusive.

Subsequently, even if one lapse periodically, there is enough empty space between lapes for the brain to not see it as a habit or compulsive desire.
 

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Don't worry, we continue where we left off.

It's good to arm yourself with more knowledge.

1. https://sites.tufts.edu/emotiononth...oital-neurochemistry-the-blues-and-the-highs/

2. Habits take time to break. Even if the mind say no, the body's actions are complusive. Work on saying no to the action, and not just the desire.

3. Replacement!
Must have more feel good replacements to replace the time that would otherwise be spent on old habits.

The path to liberation is never a straight line. It is however important to have a meaningful and reasonable goal. Please do try to keep to at least 1 month clean. Because
1. 2 Weeks is 1 refractory cycle and the most critical to start brain rewireing without hormonal influences
2. 1 month is when the mind gets sufficient rewireing time to start becoming less complusive.

Subsequently, even if one lapse periodically, there is enough empty space between lapes for the brain to not see it as a habit or compulsive desire.
Thank you for the tips and comforting words.
 
19 days PMO
1 days MO

Had another setback on Tuesday. This is harder than I thought. Going without P is doable, I made it several months before. But going without MO is super difficult.
I've been sick all week as well, so not else to do than to sleep and try to not think about mastubating.
Starting fresh and I won't look back.
 

Nico

Active Member
I think you are doing really well, 19 days clear of porn is great work. The MO thing is up to you, but whether or not you decide to go monk mode porn is the main problem so try not to beat yourself up about it and celebrate the achievement. I suppose the question to answer: is hard mode your goal or do you find MO supports your abstinence?
 
Thanks for your kind words. I feel that I have to try hardcore mode. I have gone without porn for 3-6 months before, but it takes longer to get it out of my system since I think about porn when MO'ing.
I still feel that it is great to only go without PMO. But I want to try hardcore mode to see how it would help me.
 

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @TimeToStop , I am a huge fan of monk mode…..or put another way, I think it’s the best way to cleanse and see off the porn problem. Very obviously there’s a high price to pay for the cleansing. That price is a form of mental disintegration that requires some serious inner strength. But the rewards are off the charts. It’s tricky masturbating whilst giving up porn. I get it. Porn is the pronto masturbation…..but consider how much of the addiction is ejaculation. Your brain is what you’re fixing and seriously the best way to fix the brain is to endure the pain.
 
Hey, Im back. When I started this journey I as so sure I would just make it. Spoiler, I didn't.
My brain found new ways to get me distracted into porn. And then I was too ashamed to go back to my journal and admit to failure. I managed 19 days without porn. I then got through another 11 days PMO hc. Wanted to get back to some days before writing here again.
But now I just have to start writing again to make it work. I'm currently on 1 days PMO hardcore mode. I don't know how I will get through this, but I have to keep trying.
 
Alright, five days in and feeling better again. I hate that I couldn't make it, when I feel so much better just a couple of days in with no PMO. The urge is there, but I can't see a reason to watch it. I wish I had a girlfriend so that I could have sex. When I now actually have the urge for that instead of porn.
But I'll get there. And I'll meet another girl. This time I'll try to no mess it up with porn...
 
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