Porn use wreaking havoc

seano

Member
Day 9/60

I'm starting to notice signs of my dopamine receptors coming back to normal functioning. Normal tasks like cooking and cleaning are starting to feel more rewarding, like I remember they used to feel
 

seano

Member
Day 10/60

A few triggers have come up.
1. I went out to a bar to watch the USA v. Netherlands world cup cup and was looking at some hot girls
2. The meditation timer app I use shows profile pics of other meditators after you finish meditating. Twice there have been profile pictures of girls that felt triggering.
3. I went to Google something in my phone and a suggested article popped up with a thumbnail of some hot celebrity girl

Ways to avoid triggers:
Google things on my phone through the web browser to avoid seeing suggested articles
Put my phone on airplane mode when I meditate to avoid having meditator profiles show up
Not much I can do about the bar. I'm not going to stop myself from leaving the house. Maybe try to not obsess over a girl's appearance that I see in public
 

seano

Member
Day 15/60

A few weeks ago I started smoking weed again, and last week I started smoking tobacco with my weed again. I must say it was enjoyable and an overall positive experience. However, for me smoking weed, especially mixed with tobacco can become too compulsive.
I end up using it numb out, just like I would do with porn use. So I need to give that a rest for a while. I guess I have a bit of an addictive personality. I know facing life head on is a better way to live rather than numbing out and trying to avoid what is uncomfortable. I'm trying to be better everyday.
I've viewed a few triggering things over the past few days. Nothing explicit, but still triggering for me. I think I need to recommit to limiting my phone use. I really want to be completely sober from any sexual stimulation coming from my phone
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Hey man. Yes, it is very likely that we have brains that are prone to addiction and compulsive behaviour. I know I’ve realised that in therapy, it’s something I must watch out for. We have to find ways to accept and live with it, and try our best to not go awol.

Have you watched the TV series Euphoria? There’s a special episode in between the two seasons that’s called ‘Trouble Don’t Last Always’ and it’s simply a beautiful and long dialogue between the main character, Rue, who suffers from addiction, and her sponsor Ali. It’s a beautiful episode. Tells a lot about addiction. Really recommend this series, it may look like it glorifies drugs at the beginning, but then it really does the contrary!
 

seano

Member
Day 17/60

I was scrolling on my phone and saw a couple triggering pictures. Also googled an actress to look at pics of her. Again, nothing explicit or overly sexual, but still this habit of searching for sexually stimulating content on my phone needs to stop. I'm playing into my addiction and making the chance of a relapse higher with these actions. I wrote about this same thing two days ago and was back at it today. This is me recommitting to limiting my phone use and not viewing any potentially stimulating content on my phone.
 

TypeN

Active Member
Just takes a little time to change our behavioral patterns with stuff like that, but where there’s a will there’s a way. You’ve been tackling a much bigger challenge by just staying off porn; I bet you can get these little ones under control with time, no sweat. Keep at it man. (y)
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Also googled an actress to look at pics of her
I do this all the time, and it's not good. :cautious: I think "well, this is innocent, I just want to see her face" but then realize, deep down, it's the same basic psychological thing as looking at x-rated content.
 

seano

Member
I do this all the time, and it's not good. :cautious: I think "well, this is innocent, I just want to see her face" but then realize, deep down, it's the same basic psychological thing as looking at x-rated content.
Yes, exactly! It feels like it trips the same pathway in the brain. It's funny how we can convince ourselves it's innocent 🤣
 

seano

Member
Just takes a little time to change our behavioral patterns with stuff like that, but where there’s a will there’s a way. You’ve been tackling a much bigger challenge by just staying off porn; I bet you can get these little ones under control with time, no sweat. Keep at it man. (y)
Sure thing, thanks for the encouragement!
 

seano

Member
Day 18/60

I saw a hot girl at the grocery store. I tried not to look, but did end up briefly checking her out. I don't want to make girls uncomfortable in public, but damn its hard not to look at a hot girl. Maybe this is just my brain being fucked up by porn and over sexualizing women. Or maybe it's a "natural" male instinct?
I think its a combination of the two. It's normal to want to look at a hot girl. Also, my relationship to women has been colored by years of porn use. I've never known how to relate to my sexuality without porn.
 

seano

Member
Update:

Strong urge to look at some sexually stimulating content on my phone. Feeling a bit anxious for the work week ahead which has historically been a trigger
 

seano

Member
Day 20/60

Things have been going well. Limiting phone use has been huge in avoiding triggers.
I realized I follow a pattern of slowly allowing myself more concessions towards phone use until I pass the point of no return and view porn. For now, being as sober as possible from phone use is best.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
It's normal to want to look at a hot girl.
It is, but what goes through your mind is important to consider. Are you simply admiring a good looking woman, or is she triggering some kind of X-rated, porn addiction fantasy? I also struggle with looking, and as an older guy (53) I certainly don't want to lust too much for a woman half my age.
 
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