Porn use wreaking havoc

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seano

Member
Day 12/30

Urges were really strong this morning and through the day today. I kept reasoning with myself "I'll just watch and restart my streak it's nbd"
Well I didn't watch anything but I did MO. Kinda wish I hadn't but at least I didn't watch P.
Sometimes I feel stupid for struggling so hard with this lol.

Thankful for this forum. Reading others posts really motivates me during times like this.
 
Space_Monkey

Space_Monkey

Member
Don't lose sight of your goal.
Abstinence and recovery are not the same thing.

Don't supress your old self. It will fight back.
Instead strive for a better self.

You can do this. You are stronger than you think.
That's no joke! You are waaay stronger.

Keep going! 💪
 
S

seano

Member
Day 13/30

Urges weren't as strong today, which was nice.
Brain fog has been hanging around still. Going through this reboot process really makes me never want to go back to watching porn.

That's all I got for today.

✌️
 
TealCactus

TealCactus

Member
Nice man!!!!! You're goin strong. Don't let your guard down even with the successes, it's still a tough climb. I believe in you! I definitely relate to the brain fog. The emotional side effects of porn are INSANE. I'm not even half the man I am when I'm not using porn. I get so irritable, depressed, slow-thinking, you name it. This stuff is messed up. So glad we're fighting it!
 
S

seano

Member
Day 14/30

Been feeling entirely apathetic and brain foggy. This reboot process sucks! Honestly the fact that this process sucks is my main motivation to continue at the moment. I want to get through this, see what's on the other side and never go back. Even relapsing once, which at times I'll reason is nbd, I know would set me back.

It's crazy how I know all the negative effects of porn use, I've seen those negative effects play out in my life for years and yet I'm still wanting to watch porn. Lol, its ridiculous, fuck this shit.

Stay strong out there
 
S

seano

Member
TealCactus said:
The emotional side effects of porn are INSANE. I'm not even half the man I am when I'm not using porn. I get so irritable, depressed, slow-thinking, you name it. This stuff is messed up. So glad we're fighting it!
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Tell me about it! Porn is a hell of a drug for real. We're way better off without it! Time to get this monkey off our back and step into our full selves 👏
 
McNutty

McNutty

Active Member
seano said:
Day 14/30

Been feeling entirely apathetic and brain foggy. This reboot process sucks! Honestly the fact that this process sucks is my main motivation to continue at the moment. I want to get through this, see what's on the other side and never go back. Even relapsing once, which at times I'll reason is nbd, I know would set me back.

It's crazy how I know all the negative effects of porn use, I've seen those negative effects play out in my life for years and yet I'm still wanting to watch porn. Lol, its ridiculous, fuck this shit.

Stay strong out there
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Congrats on making it 2 weeks! The brain fog is the worst. I can live with many things but that mushy brain feeling is not cool. Especially because we have commitments like work or school that requires our attention. The good thing is our brains seem to adapt (and forgive us) fairly quickly for years of porn use by just rewiring to function w/o the need to view porn anymore. Honestly, we don't even need to reach 90 days before things start to look up. But those sucky times like you just described are unfortunately the debt we have to pay...
 
S

seano

Member
Day 19/30

Urges were crazy strong this morning for some reason and I was super close to viewing P. I was even thinking about what I would search and had my phone in my hand. I didn't end up viewing, but did MO. Not the ideal outcome, but I view it as a win overall.
Despite today being difficult, I would say overall its becoming easier to avoid viewing day to day, while at the same time I'm finding it hard to think I'll never watch again. I know it's not good for me, I guess I'm still just missing that easy dopamine hit that can be such a nice distraction when I'm feeling anxious or stressed. I'm trying to remind myself there is no glory in watching porn. It's a total cop out/ easy way out. A worthwhile life is not built taking the easy way out, but rather facing difficulties and challenges head on

On the bright side, my mood and mental clarity has been feeling much better recently!
 
S

seano

Member
Day 22/30

Getting close to my initial goal of 30 days no viewing sexually stimulating content.

For a long time it felt like I didn't have any control over this, so it feels good to be able to feel the urge to view porn and choose not to. I try to lean into the difficulty of abstaining and frame it as though not giving in is making me a stronger individual and it's actually a gain for me rather than viewing it as a loss of something I previously enjoyed.

I reported this before, but sex with my girlfriend has felt more connected and satisfying than it did before. Also, when I was viewing porn all the time, I would often be dismissive and sometimes rude to my gf where now I feel like I'm much more able to be a supportive partner
 
S

seano

Member
Day 24/30

My libido has been a bit down recently. Still, I keep having the urge to view pics/vids of one specific girl. It seems the urge mostly comes up when I meditate for some reason?
 
S

seano

Member
Day 26/30

Keeping it moving. I've always had a bit of a sweet tooth, but I've noticed that I've been craving sweets a little more so during this reboot process. Something to keep an eye on. Also thinking about how much more time I have in my life and how much more mental energy I have since I haven't been consuming porn everyday. It feels good, but also a bit anxiety inducing. I have a fear of success and of stepping into my own and I think porn was a welcome partner to that since it effectively kept me down and I didn't have to face it. Anyway, trying to get better everyday out here
 
TealCactus

TealCactus

Member
seano said:
Day 26/30

Keeping it moving. I've always had a bit of a sweet tooth, but I've noticed that I've been craving sweets a little more so during this reboot process. Something to keep an eye on. Also thinking about how much more time I have in my life and how much more mental energy I have since I haven't been consuming porn everyday. It feels good, but also a bit anxiety inducing. I have a fear of success and of stepping into my own and I think porn was a welcome partner to that since it effectively kept me down and I didn't have to face it. Anyway, trying to get better everyday out here
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Wow great work man!!!! I’ve noticed the sweets thing as well. Idk what’s with that, I’m sure there’s a scientific reason. I’m struggling a lot around the 10-14 day mark (which seems to be when I get hit with most emotional withdrawals, mental and emotional and physical). Any tips for getting through those slumps? It gets especially hard when I have to go to work but it’s hard to even get out of bed.
 
T

TypeN

Active Member
seano said:
Day 26/30

Keeping it moving. I've always had a bit of a sweet tooth, but I've noticed that I've been craving sweets a little more so during this reboot process. Something to keep an eye on. Also thinking about how much more time I have in my life and how much more mental energy I have since I haven't been consuming porn everyday. It feels good, but also a bit anxiety inducing. I have a fear of success and of stepping into my own and I think porn was a welcome partner to that since it effectively kept me down and I didn't have to face it. Anyway, trying to get better everyday out here
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This resonates with me. So much more free time -- and so much I need to start doing with it to make my life better. One day a time, though; we're already doing much better just by not spending that time on porn. Gotta be nice to ourselves!

You're killing it, keep it rolling.
 
S

seano

Member
TealCactus said:
I’m struggling a lot around the 10-14 day mark (which seems to be when I get hit with most emotional withdrawals, mental and emotional and physical). Any tips for getting through those slumps? It gets especially hard when I have to go to work but it’s hard to even get out of bed.
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Hey man, I totally feel that. There's been times during this process when I've felt very down, and yes even going to work and getting out of bed has been difficult! Luckily, I've been able to take a couple mental health days off work when its the worst. Other than that, my main thing I come back to during the really tough times is just wanting to push through so that I don't have to go through this shit again! Like they say, if you're going through hell keep going. Also, thinking about how much time I've wasted watching porn and how it's kept me from being my best self for so long can be a motivator for me.
 
S

seano

Member
Day 29/30

Wow I'm almost there huh.
I have been a bit more lax these past couple days as far as scrolling through the short videos on Facebook and happening across a few videos of hot girls. I say happening across, but there was a part of me craving that. Absolutely nothing explicit but it was triggering for me. I scrolled right past most of them but there were one or two where I paused and enjoyed looking at the hot girl. Also, I watched a "how to" video on YouTube with a girl that was pretty, and I think I enjoyed watching that video a bit too much lol. So while not viewing sexually explicit content, it has erred that way a bit, so I need to cut that out.

There's been thoughts on my head of "when I make it to 30 days, maybe I can have a cheat day and then get back to a 60 day streak." But I know that would only be setting me back and who knows if I would be able to just have a little "treat" without slipping into a 3 week long binge like has happened in the past. So while tempting, I am going to set my sights on 60 days once I complete my initial goal of 30.

Stay strong out there 💪
 
TealCactus

TealCactus

Member
Keep it up man! I love the self-awareness. I (and probably many others) have tried to justify “cheat days”, but when we have such a strong addiction to something like PMO, it’s just not feasible to do (just like with substance abuse, etc.). Even if we could have a “cheat day” without the risk of a total binge relapse, it’s not worth it! You’re choosing to fight this for a reason, don’t forget that. There’s not many better feelings than having pride in yourself and loving yourself, and that’s exactly how you should feel. You’re doing amazing man, keep the ball rolling!
 
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