Hey there,
I'm 25 and have been using porn for around 10 years.
Like many, I've wanted to stop countless times and have not been successful, slipping back into the comforts of porn use time and time again no matter how much I know it's affecting me and those around me.
Over the years, I have gradually escalated to more extreme and more frequent porn use.
I want to stop for good this time. I am in a beautiful realtionship of 3.5 years and my compulsive porn use has very nearly driven my partner to break up with me. In compulsively masturbating to porn multiple times a week, I have much lower sexual desires towards my girlfriend. We have sex a couple times a month. My keeping my porn use secret, and spending hours a week consuming porn and masturbating has left my girlfriend feeling unimportant and unattractive along with bringing up other traumas.
She asked me recently, why do I keep doing this and I did not have a response. The truth is my porn use has taken over and I have not been in control for a long time.
My porn use has gotten worse the longer I allow it to continue, to the point of jerking off to porn almost the moment my gf leaves the apartment and even, at times, while she's been home, taking a nap or in the shower.
I know some of my triggers are stress, anxiety and depression. All of which are symptoms of porn use disorder, so I feel I have been caught in this cycle of using, feeling bad, which causes me to use, which makes me feel worse and it cycles and cycles.
I do not want to lose another romantic relationship due to my compulsive porn use (yes, my previous relationship was also highly stressed by this issue and eventually came to an end largely because of it)
In any case, I think that is long enough of an introduction. I do not even know what my life will look like without porn, but I am excited to find out. I am commiting to no artificial sexual stimulation for the next 30 days and posting here everyday to hold myself accountable. Also, a side note, I have started seeing a therapist to help me and it has been hugely beneficial so far.
Thank you all for being here. Reading other journals has greatly heartened me and helps me remember I am not alone in this.
I'm 25 and have been using porn for around 10 years.
Like many, I've wanted to stop countless times and have not been successful, slipping back into the comforts of porn use time and time again no matter how much I know it's affecting me and those around me.
Over the years, I have gradually escalated to more extreme and more frequent porn use.
I want to stop for good this time. I am in a beautiful realtionship of 3.5 years and my compulsive porn use has very nearly driven my partner to break up with me. In compulsively masturbating to porn multiple times a week, I have much lower sexual desires towards my girlfriend. We have sex a couple times a month. My keeping my porn use secret, and spending hours a week consuming porn and masturbating has left my girlfriend feeling unimportant and unattractive along with bringing up other traumas.
She asked me recently, why do I keep doing this and I did not have a response. The truth is my porn use has taken over and I have not been in control for a long time.
My porn use has gotten worse the longer I allow it to continue, to the point of jerking off to porn almost the moment my gf leaves the apartment and even, at times, while she's been home, taking a nap or in the shower.
I know some of my triggers are stress, anxiety and depression. All of which are symptoms of porn use disorder, so I feel I have been caught in this cycle of using, feeling bad, which causes me to use, which makes me feel worse and it cycles and cycles.
I do not want to lose another romantic relationship due to my compulsive porn use (yes, my previous relationship was also highly stressed by this issue and eventually came to an end largely because of it)
In any case, I think that is long enough of an introduction. I do not even know what my life will look like without porn, but I am excited to find out. I am commiting to no artificial sexual stimulation for the next 30 days and posting here everyday to hold myself accountable. Also, a side note, I have started seeing a therapist to help me and it has been hugely beneficial so far.
Thank you all for being here. Reading other journals has greatly heartened me and helps me remember I am not alone in this.