To The Better Things in Life

TealCactus

Member
Day 0 of 30

relapsed yesterday and today. I actually ended up missing a flight yesterday, not directly because of watching porn but it was also a factor, which goes to show how much this tangibly messes up my life. I still worked out today and had a good day mentally, but my wife and I’s relationship has been really bad lately, which is definitely a contributing factor to my relapses. We got married really young, and if you look back in my thread you’ll see we’ve been through a lot over the six years we’ve been together. We’re best friends, but we don’t get along lately. Porn is part of it, my wife is really hurt by it. Her mental health is also just in a bad spot since her family member was shot last year. She’s very anxious, and to be honest I’ve found myself less attracted to her, not physically but emotionally, which I know is normal, but it also just doesn’t feel good. I’m going to get us into couples counseling and talk to my therapist about it, but I think it’s been a bigger factor than I’ve been willing to admit.
I’m going to start an “autobiography” for therapy, so I’ll try to post some of those reflections here over the coming weeks.

stay strong everyone, every second of life is more real the further from porn you get.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Remember: Halt the binge, and start again. Persistence not perfection is the way. GL.

Hope you can get some helpful insights about your wife and marriage.
 

TealCactus

Member
Day 4 of 30

starting the new week strong in a new office all alone, on a new team, and after a rough week. Despite all that I’m doing really well. I already made it through the morning, which is often a rough patch for me.

I’m trying to make this new office is a great space, one without any memories of watching porn in it. My office building is awesome too, so I’ll try to go for good walks.
I’m going to meditate after this, and I’ll also be sure to take frequent breaks.
 

TealCactus

Member
Day 5 of 30

finished yesterday strong. I had my first boxing class last night and it was super fun. I’m really proud of myself for just going after something new, especially alone.

another day alone in my new office but in going to meditate again, and take some breaks to practice boxing. I’m also planning to go the gym after work today.

I’m really trying to spend more time thinking about who I want to be and my image of myself. My relapses often come from a mental state of giving up, sort of like conscious, intentional self-destruction. I don’t want to do that to myself anymore.
 

TealCactus

Member
Day 6 of 30

still going strong. I felt a lot more tempted to relapse yesterday but I managed to keep it under control. It’s important for me to keep an eye on my emotions, because they tend to lead to relapses, especially stress. I’m feeling more stressed today than usual, so I’m going to meditate and make sure to plan out my day well to have breaks.
That said, besides the obvious fact that I’m still fighting my way out of a porn addiction, I’m in a good place right now, which I think will work in my favor to beat porn. I’m in shape, I’m eating well, sleeping well, etc. I don’t have the biggest social life being in a new city still, but being on a new team at work and starting new hobbies is enough to give me some social interactions that keep my spirits up.
 

TealCactus

Member
I used an alternative this morning, but I’m going to make the rest of the day better.
What kind of phone software/blockers do you guys use? I’ve never found one that works great for me, and I wish I had a better way to block stuff on my phone
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
One guy here said,
Qustodio Promotes itself as parental control for minors but it works just fine for adults too. It blocked all porn, and it has the option for adding the link to pages you specifically wish it to block. Ideally, it is best used by having someone else control it for you, so the addict cannot know the password.
But choose someone you know personally to keep your PW...not an anonymous online buddy.
 

TealCactus

Member
I’m really struggling to do anything at work, which isn’t a good recipe for success. I just sit around watching youtube and stuff. Thankfully I’m feeling really capable today, but I need to get this under control, not just cus it’s tempting to watch pron but also cus obviously I just should be doing my job. I started watching and listening to more people like Terry crews talk about their addictions which has been helpful, it’s nice to be reminded that I’m not alone and that people conquer this addiction every day. It’s not impossible, no matter how often it might feel like that.
 

TealCactus

Member
I’m actually doing some work today which is a nice improvement. I meditated right away when I got to work, which I’m going to try to build into my routine cus otherwise I forget. I’m still working on my “autobiography” for therapy, and so far it’s given me a lot of insight into where my addiction stems from in my childhood.
 

TealCactus

Member
Another Monday is another start to a good week guys. I had a good weekend with my wife, we went on a small date and had some good quality time together. I’ve still
been exercising nearly everyday, and today I got up at 5 to go to the gym and I also have a boxing class tonight after work. There’s something so motivating and confidence-giving about exercise that I haven’t ever found in anything else, at least for me. I’m really tired and not anticipating a super productive day at work, but I’m ready to go for walks or find healthy alternatives to wayching pron if I get bored or stressed.
 

TealCactus

Member
I’ve been having a bad last week. My relationship with my wife has been really bad ever since we got married, and it’s been especially bad this last week, which I think is having a negative effect. That said, I want to beat this even if things are bad with her, because I want to beat it for myself. I’m confident and motivated enough to do it, and I need to do everything I can to stop. Lately it’s been the moment I get to work I start looking at stuff, which is just terrible. It doesn’t even give me a second to get my head in a good space. I’m going to be very intentional about my routine tomorrow and make sure I get started off on a good foot.
 

TealCactus

Member
Posting before the weekend, which will be good. I had a really bad week (didn’t post here and watched pron almost every day). My wife and I’s relationship is failing really terribly, and I’m lost as to what to do. We got married really young and as awesome as that is, it comes with a lot of uncertainty. I’m going to get us into couples counseling but we’re both very on edge.

on a positive note, I’ve started using my whiteboard at work to visually track my progress. I use a habit tracking app to see how I’m doing, but I like writing and erasing my streak on a whiteboard. I know a “streak” vs a “percentage” mentality can be important to different people, but I’ve found positives and negatives to both, so I don’t mind using both strategies.
 

TealCactus

Member
Hey everyone, still been having a fairly rough time overall but the last two days I haven’t watched anything and I feel like I found a new source of energy and motivation to quit. My marriage is still pretty rough right now but my personal goals are going well. For some reason I’ve had a really strong desire to join the military the last couple days as well, I’m not sure why, but I think the idea of challenging myself at an elite level (would apply to SOF), feels incredibly motivating, and it’s actually helping me not watch pron when I feel tempted. I’ve just been putting in a lot of work physically lately, between boxing (I have my first competitive amateur fight in a few months) and general training, my confidence has grown a lot. I’ve also realized I can just try new things that interest me. I’m going to go to a jiu Jitsu class as well, and I’m even gonna try swimming again (I suck at it).
That said, my marriage is really disorientating me, because we’ve been together the last six years and her family is my family, it’s hard to imagine life apart. At the same time, I think I’ll be okay either way, regardless of what happens. I just don’t want to be the guy that gives up too early or doesn’t fight for his marriage, but I’m ready to accept the judgement and challenges if it needs to end.
 

TealCactus

Member
Trying to reboot again.

Today is 0 of 30.

I’ve been going through a lot of relationship turmoil with my wife lately, but we started going to counseling and I’m feeling more hopeful. I’ve also, out of nowhere, set my sights on joining the military. I never expected that for myself, but I have some very specific reasons as to why, and a very specific path in the military thats calling my name. On the bright side, if I do go, it would be great for fighting porn. A few weeks without my phone at certain points during training? Hell yeah, please take it.

Partially due to my new military aspirations, but also just cus I was getting back in shape in general, I’ve still been working out frequently, nearly every day. I’ve also been try ing to meditate and be more mindful, but that’s been harder to practice daily. I do recommend the app Moments, which I’ve been using for emotional awareness.
 

TealCactus

Member
Day 1 of 30,

I think I just haven’t taken my addiction serious enough. I would have said I did, but I was just hoping it would go away. I need to actively choose every morning that today will be a clean day. I hate what porn does to my mentality in life.
 

TealCactus

Member
Day 3 of 30

Its still super early into this reboot, but I feel very confident and proud of myself. My wife is out of town and I haven’t watched porn, which is normally when I would binge really bad.

I’m trying to be mindful constantly throughout the day, monitoring my emotions and body. I’m actually using an app for smokers for this purpose, but it works really well.
 
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