Looking for thoughts from those in recovery

[Sammyjo]

Is there a "normal(ish)" amount of time men think about sex?

I can't remember exactly what I read (many years ago), AND P probably wasn't taken into consideration at the time it was written, but it was said that men have a sexual thought (the average was pretty specific) X number of times per minute (maybe it was hour, but pretty sure it said minute). Bottom line is that it was MUCH more frequently than women. (Maybe this was an ancient text)

So my question comes from 2 places. 1st, a couple months into our fixing things he said "I think I might be a sex addict. I think about it WAY too much" (there was more but that's enough for you to get the gist.) 2nd is that he initiated "date night" where we ask questions like it's a first or second date, and 90% of his questions end up being about sex.

It feels like a red flag I need to address with him but before I do, I'm looking for thoughts from those working at recovery.

 

[Blondie]

Hey @Sammyjo, that's a good question.

I just read this article, and it seems to give a more balanced view of this topic. I've always read that men think about sex every seven seconds or something, which is just crazy if you stop to think about it. Even when I wasn't on porn in my earlier days, and especially now after a year clean, I always thought that "fact" was a little far fetched. I sure as hell don't do that, even when I was looking at porn. I mean, seriously, how would anything ever get done? But it still seems us men think about sex twice as much as do women in general, so that's still quite a bit. This article say 19 times a day on average for men and 10 times a day for women.

I know for myself, it's pretty frequent, how often per day I really don't know, however, not looking at porn has definitely changed it. When I say change though, it's not necessarily the frequency of it has lessened per se, but it's more like my thoughts are less sexualized, which might not make much sense, but it makes sense to me. However, I'll put it this way, I'm still down for it whenever!

As far as you husband possibly being a sex addict, I don't know, it would be hard to say for sure. As for myself, I don't think I am, I'm just very sexual, but learning how to control it.

As far as your date with him that night, I would probably do the same thing he did, at least to get my Lady to laugh at first, and then I would get serious. She once asked me what my love language was, I sat there thoughtfully for a few moments, then said with a straight face "Blow jobs". She almost died from choking.

Hey if we can't have fun in life, what's the point of any of this?

Best

 

[Sammyjo]

As far as your date with him that night, I would probably do the same thing he did, at least to get my Lady to laugh at first, and then I would get serious. She once asked me what my love language was, I sat there thoughtfully for a few moments, then said with a straight face "Blow jobs". She almost died from choking.

Thanks! I needed that!

We just had a good laugh over the phone regarding prostate meds, reverse ejaculation the meds can cause, and relating it to a scene from "It's Complicated".

Life might suck, but life is GOOD!

Thank you again for your insights.

 

[Blondie]

lol You're welcome!

Glad you had a good conversation over the phone, and yes, that's a great movie!