How Black and White Thinking Will Kill Your Recovery

Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
How Black and White Thinking Will Kill Your Recovery

I've been thinking a lot recently about by continuous struggle with black and white thinking in my life and thought I'd write something about it today.

What is black and white thinking?

To put it bluntly: black and white thinking is to only see the world in either or categories, with no shades of gray in between.

For example, I've been dieting over the last year and I've lost almost 50lbs. One of the ways I've managed to do this is by never going to any extremes in my diet, and for the most part, just cutting back on my portion sizes during the day. Thus, I still eat pasta and pizza and all other kinds of "bad foods" but my portions are smaller than they were before, and that's that. Doing this, without being extreme, has helped me stay the course on my diet and kept me from going overboard when I let myself have a cheat day. However, I've notice when I've given myself a cheat day, a familiar thought pattern comes up that I'm all too familiar with in my bad porn habit over the years.

What has happened many times over the course of the year is this: I'll be having a cheat day but then find myself eating more than I had planned on, of course doing this makes me feel guilty, and then this wicked thought pops into my head, "Well... since I've alreadly "fucked up" I might as well go all the way and eat the whole damn pizza!"

This my friends is the evil of black and white thinking.

Having this thought pattern and not recognizing it has really set me back over this last year in my diet, though I have been getting better at spotting it in the moment.

Why do I do this?

Why do we do this?

I've learned over the last year to remined myself in these pressing moments, "Okay, so you've had a slice more of pizza than you've planned on, this will only set me back a week in my progress. However, if I eat the whole pizza now, that will set my back two full weeks and that is not acceptable!"

Having this dialogue in my head and forcing myself to not see my diet as either on or off, or more importantly, good dieter/bad dieter, has helped me tremendously to lose quite a few pounds and be all the happier for it.

Over the years, I have recognized this same stupid thought pattern and have noticed how it constantly screwed up my recovery. We all know how this story goes don't we? :cool:

"Well fuck... I just looked at some sexy girl in yoga pants on Instagram. I've alreadly fucked up, so I might as well go all the way!"

or

"Oh shit, I just MOed and I told myself I wasn't going to do that. I guess now I should just fuck it and PMO too!"

or

"Dammit! My streaks are getting shorter and shorter, I guess I'm a fucking loser and should just give up and "start over again" tomorrow."

or my favorite

"Well I've done it! I goggled a porn site and saw one picture. I told myself I was never going do this again, so I guess I'll have another five hour session and start over tomorrow" 🤦‍♂️

Why do we do this nonsense? How can adults be so juvenile in their thinking?

It's because our minds are caught up in black and white thinking.

We must rid ourselves from such thought patterns and instantly extract them like a leech from our mental legs.

So here are some truth bombs you all can tell yourself when you've "found yourself" in a tight situation.

One porn picture does not equal five hours of porn you nitwit!

One sexy girl on Facebook does not mean you've fucked up!

Just cause you've wanked it once, doesn't make you a wanker. So stop being one dammit! :cool:

There is no such thing as a perfect recovery. So stop a giving a fuck about "shorter streaks." Anything, and I mean anything, is better than nothing!


Let us all stop this nonsense once and for all.

We are better than this - I know it.

Let us embrace the gray areas in our recovery!
 
T

TheFuture1

Member
Great post @Blondie

It got me thinking - why we are so prone to black and white thinking? I’m sure it’s not an easy question to answer and it’s probably a less important question than how we stop falling into the trap of black and white thinking. I still find it interesting though and I think the answers could be useful.

I guess part of it is that all people are prone to over-simplifying things and thinking in black and white. Especially when it comes to things that make them feel very emotional.

I’m sure there’s a lot of other things going on though and it’s not always the same things. I’d be interested in hearing other people’s thoughts. It’s definitely something I’ll put more thought into.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Those are some great questions @TheFuture1. I found this article on WebMD, it has some great possibilities of why we might do this. Just off the top of my head, I would say for myself, the reason I'm prone to think in black and white is because it gives me a sense of control. The absolute black and white "fact" about myself and future is pleasing to know in a weird way. Pleasing, like when you're dying of thirst and you get that first drop of water from a waterboarding session. :)

Ironically, I try to never do this in other parts of my life, but when it comes to myself, I often find myself going there. For example, if you were to ask me what caused the Civil War, I would be greatly annoyed if someone just gave a black and white reason and ignored all the other possibilities. However, when it comes to my life, I very easily fall into that black and white thinking. 🤷‍♂️

I should say "sometimes" and not "always" because, I am getting better at this. See, there I go again! :cool:

Best to you.

​

Black and White Thinking​

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on October 25, 2021

IN THIS ARTICLE​

Black and white thinking is a thought pattern that makes people think in absolutes. For instance, you may think you are either always right or the world’s biggest failure. Psychologists consider this thought pattern to be a cognitive distortion because it keeps you from seeing life the way it really is: complex, uncertain, and constantly changing.
Black and white thinking doesn’t allow you to find the middle ground, which can be hard to sustain in life at those extremes. Becoming less rigid in our thinking lets us stop using “all or nothing” statements to depress ourselves without examining whether or not they’re true. Using this 'cognitive' technique helps you to spot what you are doing and challenge your false impressions.

What Causes Black and White Thinking?​

While it’s normal to experience black and white thinking sometimes in life, it could be a sign of something more serious if it becomes persistent. All or nothing thinking is commonly associated with these conditions:
Narcissism. Narcissism is an exaggerated, excessive interest in oneself. Black and white thinking can be a symptom of this personality disorder. People who have it will often find it challenging to get help because they quickly dismiss doctors and therapists.
Anxiety and depression. When people have anxiety and depression, it’s common for them to think in absolutes. More extreme emotions can cause black and white thinking to become worse.

Borderline personality disorder.Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that causes people to experience intense feelings of anger, anxiety, and depression. They often will have symptoms of poor impulse control and frequently display black and white thinking.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder. It’s common for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder to think in absolutes because it gives them a sense of control and comfort. This can lead to a lot of rigidity which makes it hard to change.

Impact of Black and White Thinking​

Black and white thinking can have very different effects on your mental health depending on its cause.

Relationships. If you approach normal relationship conflicts with extreme, black and white thinking, you'll often draw the wrong conclusions about other people and miss opportunities to talk things out and compromise. Examples may include:
  • Suddenly moving people from the “good person” category to the “bad person” category
  • Quitting a job or firing people
  • Breaking up a relationship
  • Avoiding a real resolution of the issues
SUGGESTED


Learning. Many courses have simple measurements of performance: pass or fail. This can lead students to believe they are either good or bad at school, with no room for a middle ground. Adopting a growth mindset can help students recognize the value in step-by-step progress as you get closer to the goal of mastering the subject.
Career. Sometimes black and white thinking can cause you to become too rigid. This type of thinking can be a problem in work environments where there is a lot of collaboration and sharing of different ideas.
Diet. If you think about what you eat in extremes, it could greatly restrict your diet and make it hard to try new things. This type of thinking may also cause you to see your physical appearance and body as only good or bad, which can be damaging to your mental health.

Change Your Outlook for Your Mental Health​

If you want to think in black and white less, try these tips:
Reframe your thinking. If you catch yourself jumping to extremes, try challenging yourself. Think about why you might be thinking the way you are and whether there is another viewpoint you may not have considered.
Watch your words. Black and white thinking words like "always' and "never" are signals to pay attention to. If you hear yourself saying things like that, remind yourself to replace it with different words like "maybe" and "sometimes".

Acceptance. If there is one constant in life, it's change. Try to be comfortable not knowing everything. It's OK to ask for more time to think about something or say, "I don't know".
Cognitive behavioral therapy. Many psychologists recommend something called cognitive behavior therapy, which can help you overcome unhelpful thinking patterns.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy works by helping you:
  • Learn to recognize distortions in your thinking that create problems and counter your habits.
  • Gain a better understanding of the behavior and motivation of others.
  • Use problem-solving skills to manage difficult situations.
  • Get a greater sense of confidence in your own abilities.
  • Move from extreme thinking to a more flexible and adaptable mindset. ‌
With the right strategies and professional help, you can learn how to replace extreme thinking with healthier, more helpful approaches.
 
Last edited:
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
Blondie said:
How Black and White Thinking Will Kill Your Recovery

I've been thinking a lot recently about by continuous struggle with black and white thinking in my life and thought I'd write something about it today.

What is black and white thinking?

To put it bluntly: black and white thinking is to only see the world in either or categories, with no shades of gray in between.

For example, I've been dieting over the last year and I've lost almost 50lbs. One of the ways I've managed to do this is by never going to any extremes in my diet, and for the most part, just cutting back on my portion sizes during the day. Thus, I still eat pasta and pizza and all other kinds of "bad foods" but my portions are smaller than they were before, and that's that. Doing this, without being extreme, has helped me stay the course on my diet and kept me from going overboard when I let myself have a cheat day. However, I've notice when I've given myself a cheat day, a familiar thought pattern comes up that I'm all too familiar with in my bad porn habit over the years.

What has happened many times over the course of the year is this: I'll be having a cheat day but then find myself eating more than I had planned on, of course doing this makes me feel guilty, and then this wicked thought pops into my head, "Well... since I've alreadly "fucked up" I might as well go all the way and eat the whole damn pizza!"

This my friends is the evil of black and white thinking.

Having this thought pattern and not recognizing it has really set me back over this last year in my diet, though I have been getting better at spotting it in the moment.

Why do I do this?

Why do we do this?

I've learned over the last year to remined myself in these pressing moments, "Okay, so you've had a slice more of pizza than you've planned on, this will only set me back a week in my progress. However, if I eat the whole pizza now, that will set my back two full weeks and that is not acceptable!"

Having this dialogue in my head and forcing myself to not see my diet as either on or off, or more importantly, good dieter/bad dieter, has helped me tremendously to lose quite a few pounds and be all the happier for it.

Over the years, I have recognized this same stupid thought pattern and have noticed how it constantly screwed up my recovery. We all know how this story goes don't we? :cool:

"Well fuck... I just looked at some sexy girl in yoga pants on Instagram. I've alreadly fucked up, so I might as well go all the way!"

or

"Oh shit, I just MOed and I told myself I wasn't going to do that. I guess now I should just fuck it and PMO too!"

or

"Dammit! My streaks are getting shorter and shorter, I guess I'm a fucking loser and should just give up and "start over again" tomorrow."

or my favorite

"Well I've done it! I goggled a porn site and saw one picture. I told myself I was never going do this again, so I guess I'll have another five hour session and start over tomorrow" 🤦‍♂️

Why do we do this nonsense? How can adults be so juvenile in their thinking?

It's because our minds are caught up in black and white thinking.

We must rid ourselves from such thought patterns and instantly extract them like a leech from our mental legs.

So here are some truth bombs you all can tell yourself when you've "found yourself" in a tight situation.

One porn picture does not equal five hours of porn you nitwit!

One sexy girl on Facebook does not mean you've fucked up!

Just cause you've wanked it once, doesn't make you a wanker. So stop being one dammit! :cool:

There is no such thing as a perfect recovery. So stop a giving a fuck about "shorter streaks." Anything, and I mean anything, is better than nothing!


Let us all stop this nonsense once and for all.

We are better than this - I know it.

Let us embrace the gray areas in our recovery!
Click to expand...
I like to think that recovery is not like the game of red light/green light. When you fuck up you don’t go back to start, it doesn’t matter how long your streak was. You just dust yourself off and keep moving forward from where you are at. You learn from the experience you apply what you learned, but you never go back to zero. I agree with you, one slip doesn’t mean you have to throw it all away and start over again the next day. Thank you so much for your post. It was refreshing to read.
 
Michael89

Michael89

Member
I appreciate this post. While I agree in “black and white” thinking when it comes to relationships when it comes to things like dieting and PIED recovery(which I’m trying to recover from) that’s not the attitude to have.
 
the_correct_wolf

the_correct_wolf

Member
Propensity for black and white thinking could be the result of emotionally dominated reasoning. Just like you would expect to see in someone experiencing hypofrontality, often associated with long term addiction. If your initial reaction to something is that it is bad and you are not in a state, mentally or physically, to apply reason and objectively evaluate the situation, you won't be able to perceive any nuance. Bad is just bad. Of course, just like anything else you do with your brain, the more you do it the less likely you are to do anything else.
 
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