← Today, 03/19
= no PMO;
= no P;
Hey gents. Checking back in again -- I meant to sooner.
I'm still coming off of a bit of a cold, but I've been having a decent few days. Yesterday I saw a good friend who I don't get to see often, because he moved away from the city after taking a leave from college. But it looks like he might be moving back soon to finish up school, and if he does we may end up living together. That would be great for me, I think -- living with a close friend.
We spent about 4 hours yesterday bouldering, and then played ping pong. I had a great time, and I'll probably get to see him next week too.
Some positive stuff...
- I've been noticing myself become a lot more sociable in low key ways, like I've mentioned before. People who I might have previously ignored or not said much to -- strangers or casual acquaintances -- I just casually strike up conversations with, at random times and places. The conversations flow pretty easily, and I don't care very much about awkwardness anymore.
- When it comes to attractive women, I'm also more relaxed. I feel like I'm putting them on a pedestal less and less, and I interact with them more like I do everyone else -- in an open, friendly, low-pressure way. It feels good -- like I'm really treating them like people. I think mainstream porn frequently dehumanizes women, and that sort of attitude infects one's mindset outside of porn use. So it's nice to see that going away. And it's a virtuous cycle: when I treat girls this way they are often open and friendly with me too. It feels "right."
- I just feel much more capable in most aspects of my interests and hobbies. I draw better, I play music better, I write better. Taking drawing as an example, I've been picking it back up as a hobby lately, and I've really surprised myself with how nicely some of my drawings turn out, with little effort.
Anywho. I'm still experiencing stress, negative rumination, and worry about the future. So it's important for me to point these good things out to myself.
Today in particular I am also experiencing some urges to MO. I plan to keep them at bay. I am thinking of making the MO days a twice-weekly thing, though, but to keep myself accountable I won't start doing that until I discuss it with my therapist.
That's all for today's wall of text. Cheers!