← Today, 02/21
(Key:
= no PMO;
= no P;
= substitutes;
= relapse)
Just posting for my scheduled check in. Today I thought I'd just dwell on some positive stuff.
A lot of good things happened in the past week and a half. In no particular order ...
- I've been working out very consistently. Not the whole 6x a week routine, but a consistent 3-5 days per week. I'm getting stronger gradually, and visibly more muscular quickly. I've recovered practically all the strength I lost during my summer slump. I also feel very comfortable running 5-6 miles now, it's not a struggle (although it does hit me hard recovery-wise). In general, I feel good about how things are going.
- The thing I did with baking cookies was a great decision. Obviously the activity itself was a good way to spend time, but the ripple effect of making something I could share with lots of people was also very impactful. I shared them with at least 10 different people: my boss, my flatmate, and various different friends. People really loved them, and posting about them on my story got my cousins (from the same country as my dad) excited and talking to me about it. I got to feel good about myself while sharing something nice with other people. That's a great feeling.
- Reconnecting with those old friends the other night was great, even if I got hungover and somewhat triggered the next day. I've felt insecure in those friendships before, which I guess is why I let distance form in them, but feeling like I had something nice to share (the cookies, hahah) helped me forget about that. Several days later one of those friends (the artist) left me a very nice impromptu voicemail saying how much fun he had seeing me, and said that I "seemed like I'm doing well." He's a very genuine guy, and I'd like to see him more.
- Accutane has already been making a difference in my skin. My back is already clearer, and my face isn't oily like it always has been in the past.
Incidentally, this means that all these things came true (I've also been drawing and playing bass here and there):
Here are a couple things I can do for this purpose in the next few days or week:
- Bake something. I've thought about making some traditional cookies from my dad's culture. I wanted to just buy some for some friends and coworkers of mine, but I can't seem to figure out whether one even can in the city where I live. I asked my dad a few times if he knows anyone, but he hasn't gotten back to me. So, hell, maybe I'll just take a crack at it myself. Baking takes work, but it's fun and gratifying.
- See a friend that I haven't seen in awhile. Last week we were texting saying we should catch up, and he gave me an open invitation to come by sometime and look at new paintings he's been working on (he's an artist). Monday is a work holiday, so maybe I'll text him then and see if I can come by.
- Drawing. It's been awhile since I did any. I have a sort of mental block to starting again when I haven't for awhile, but I always end up enjoying it once I've gotten rolling.
- Playing bass. I bought one in the past year and I should just mess around on it, play a few basslines and riffs from songs I like, with no expectation of quality or seriousness. I did that for a little bit the other day and it was fun.
So I figure I'll make another little list of positive things I could do, and maybe that'll happen again:
- I could bake something again. That friend of mine was suggesting I try bread. I remember making sourdough with my mom when I was a kid, and that was a cool experience, so maybe I'll try that (and then bring my friend some).
- I want to try homebrewing some kind of alcohol at some point. I'm not sure what exactly, but perhaps something I don't need a complicated setup to make. Maybe mead? I heard that's easy to brew. Or else, something else that doesn't require fancy equipment.
- I should buy myself a pair of good running shoes! The current shoes I'm using are not running shoes, and they're causing me blisters. So "treating myself" to a pair that won't do that would be a good idea.
- I was thinking to invite those friends I saw last week to go bouldering sometime. I feel like we'd all enjoy it for different reasons (one of them likes climbing, and another is also into strength/fitness like me). And it's something we could do as just us 3.
Well, that's all for today's wall of text. I've got a bunch of errands to keep me busy today, so off I go.
That may be things like fresh orange juice, making pancakes, yoga etc.
do you feel like you have increased urges after MO’ing that leads to P? I know that chaser effect can be a bastard sometimes