the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Hey TypeN! I'm sorry about how you've been feeling. Your last two paragraphs are absolutely true...
Negative feelings led you to porn (partly at least) and somehow your brain will try to lead you to porn when you're experiencing those feelings again. That's difficult to resist because you're already in a situation where you find yourself 'weak' (not in a negative way, but if you're sad or stressed, well, it's more difficult to resist to an urge). Focusing on your well being is so important, as you said. What makes you happy? I know we've thought about this a lot, but we need to keep trying...! Personally, it's now something I asked myself almost daily. And if I'm doing something, out of habit, I also ask myself "Does this make me happy?" "Could I be doing something else...?"...
I believe in you!!
I think I really need to drill down on improving my mental well-being. I’m frequently pretty sad and lonely these days. I do socialize here and there – certainly more than before I started getting clean – but not enough to meet my needs, and a variety of other stressors weigh on me each and every day. My life is unequivocally improving without porn/fantasies/etc., and I’m working hard, but the spectre of what made me into a porn addict in the first place — very negative feelings that are hard to bear — is still hanging over me. I think I’ve developed a lot of good strategies for sobriety this past month, but they will constantly be strained in periods of unhappiness like this, I feel. To succeed I need to take steps to make my emotional lows less deep.
I’ll get up tomorrow morning to resume a daily routine of breakfast => meditation => reflect here => work out. But these next few days I need to focus on thinking about my own happiness and what can bring me joy, not just discipline. Perhaps I can keep the disciplined morning schedule but replace the workouts here and there with things that could improve my mood (exercise is great — but it’s stressful, too). If scheduling happy activities is what it takes, that's what I'll do. I have to take care of myself emotionally.
Negative feelings led you to porn (partly at least) and somehow your brain will try to lead you to porn when you're experiencing those feelings again. That's difficult to resist because you're already in a situation where you find yourself 'weak' (not in a negative way, but if you're sad or stressed, well, it's more difficult to resist to an urge). Focusing on your well being is so important, as you said. What makes you happy? I know we've thought about this a lot, but we need to keep trying...! Personally, it's now something I asked myself almost daily. And if I'm doing something, out of habit, I also ask myself "Does this make me happy?" "Could I be doing something else...?"...
I believe in you!!