Conquering PIED (My Last Day One)

[fedthefuckup]

My name is Nathan, and I'm fed the fuck up. Despite plenty of opportunities, I'm 21 and have never had penetrative sex. Despite knowing for at least a year that my ED is in all likelihood induced by artificial sexual stimulation, I've been unable to fully kick my pornography and sexting compulsion, and am now confident that tonight is the rock bottom I needed to finally move beyond my addiction.

Had a girl over, third date, made her dinner, things got sexual after a good 5 minutes of ignoring some movie. Dispite our immense chemistry and mutual attraction, and the 15mg of cialis in my system, I could feel that my dick was not going to work like it should. I was still able to make her cum without my dick in the picture, but could feel the tension and her confusion when I told her 'we're going to have to focus on you' tonight. After explaining my situation to her, she said she understood but would have to think about things and promptly left. I think it's likely I just blew a budding relationship with someone I really got along with, but feel empowered knowing that this is the catalyst for me to make the change necessary.

While I found quitting fapping to videos challanging, I was able to kick the habbit a couple months after I first read YBOP and realized what was wrong with me. And yet, for the past six months I've still been unable to quit sexting girls I've met online, touching myself while chatting and searching sites with pictures of girls for new sexting partners, and engaging in a fetish that I know is unnatural and not a part of my real life self as my primary method of sexual expression. While I can feel some signs of leaving my flatline (morning wood is occaisonal now as opposed to completely absent), I know I still have a long ways to go. Tonight is my resolution to go hard mode for a while, and to cut off and never return to my secret kink, sexting habit, any form of artificial sexual stimulation, and video games while I'm at it. Any advice or tales of similar success stories is appreciated, and I'm proud of everybody on this forum for striving to become better, more complete men.

Best of luck guys, and happy day one.

 

[Beautiful1973]

Welcome to the forum Nathan, I’m a partner and just wanted to say how much respect I have for you for being honest with the girl you were dating. It takes a lot of courage to show someone that level of vulnerability and expose all the raw parts of ‘self’!

 

[fedthefuckup]

Welcome to the forum Nathan, I’m a partner and just wanted to say how much respect I have for you for being honest with the girl you were dating. It takes a lot of courage to show someone that level of vulnerability and expose all the raw parts of ‘self’!

Thank you. I'm coming to terms with the amount of dishonesty this has brought into my life, lying to myself, and those around me in order to feel 'normal' or hide vulnerabilities, and I think a little more radical honesty is what it's going to take for me to differentiate this time from other half assed attempts I've made to quit.

 

[swimmer97]

go cold turkey for some month until you realize you are more sentizized again to normal stimuli in real life. Then find a lovely female that is caring and understanding and helps you "rewire" and grow your original vanilla taste. I had a somewhat big streak of 100+ days no PMO behind me and i can tell you the brain will slowly go back to normal mode. You will feel generally so much better after 1-2 month of detox. Its hella worth. Its important to picture an image of where you want to be in some months and focus on that image. Its like a light at the end of the tunnel. I relapsed once some days ago and had big big big regrets but its fine i am back on track.

lets do this!

 

[fedthefuckup]

Day Eight:

I've had a few rough days this week, but nothing approaching the extreme withdrawl symptoms others describe on here, and have thusfar been lucky enough to feel a somewhat linear improvement. The last two days I've had strong morning wood like I used to before PIED, and I've discovered for the first time in a long time I can MO without artificial sexual stimulation, although I'm trying to keep this to a minimum as to give myself the best chance to adjust to a real partner for the first time.

Saw that girl mentioned above again, she seems to be taking the whole thing much better than she did when I first told her what was up. Headed on a family trip for a bit, and I'm starting to feel like I might be ready for real sex when I come back.

I think my relatively rapid recovery on this streak can be largely attributed to the fact that I've abstained from hardcore tube site porn for the last 9 months or so, and have instead been addicted to (still bad but lower-stimulus) sexting and scrolling of kink sites. Additionally, I'm trying out a littany of suppliments including gaba, maca, tongkat ali, and L-Arganine, but it's difficult to say with confidence that any of them are contributing to my recovery.

Still hoping to feel spikes in motivation, libido, and pleasure from everyday activities soon as my neurochemistry adjusts, haven't had much drive to go to the gym etc lately, but pretty confident I'll get back into that habit soon. Stay strong guys