My husband is an addict
Member
I have some serious questions and I hope someone can help answer them or at least help me with some understanding.
We have been in recovery for 7 months now and things are going great in many ways, but there are things that are holding me back emotionally from my husband.
His P preference was teen P. He had 4 "favorites" that he watched for years apparently. Old videos before they grew up. He stopped at 18 since that was the legal age, but admitted that if 15 was legal he would have watched it too. Why do grown men want to watch kids?? They can be 14 as long as they "look" 18. I believe that even the legal age of 18 is still a child. When you have a daughter that is the same age as the kids your MO'ing to how can you do it? He was almost 60 and watching teenagers. How, why??? I just don`t understand and he says that he doesn`t either. Even the counselors avoid the questions I ask around this. Why does everyone seem to avoid this topic? I belive that it has a deeper meaning than it was just a preference. There`s a reason for a persons preference and I need some help with this one. Is there another man on here that is willing to be honest about this and help me to understand?
A very sad part for me is that I used to be triggered by all women, but now my strongest triggers are teenage girls. They can be 13 and if he`s with me a tremendous fear overwhelms me. Since he would look at all women in front of me for the whole 26 years I had no idea that his preference was teenagers. I saw him look at young girls and would point out that they were kids and he would act either like he wasn`t looking or he would say that I don`t know how old they were. It`s my opinion that in his mind he would make them 18 so he could "legally and morally look" at them. (I had no idea that he was watching P until 12/21) Now that I know that he had a million women at his fingertips and he chose to settle on four 18 year old children for years really bothers me deeply. I just can`t get past that. I need to have some kind of understanding.
I don`t know if any of this makes sense right now, my thoughts are swirling. I`m finding it hard to articulate my thoughts.
There are so many questions I have. How can you be with someone and not see them and not be with someone and "see" them? How can you touch someone and pretend that you are touching someone else? Isn`t it my body that you feel? How can you not feel me!? How can you not see me when I am the one that is right in front of you? How can you replace your wife physically when you`re having sex with her? Aren`t you just turning her into a living, breathing sex doll? Other than being a maid, landscaper, childcare, taxi, laundress and chef what was the purpose of the wife? Why was I kept around? It`s pretty obviouse now that I was nothing more than a convenience for him. I was a toy that was put on a shelf to be taken down and played with when he wanted and then put back to collect dust until the next time.
We have been in recovery for 7 months now and things are going great in many ways, but there are things that are holding me back emotionally from my husband.
His P preference was teen P. He had 4 "favorites" that he watched for years apparently. Old videos before they grew up. He stopped at 18 since that was the legal age, but admitted that if 15 was legal he would have watched it too. Why do grown men want to watch kids?? They can be 14 as long as they "look" 18. I believe that even the legal age of 18 is still a child. When you have a daughter that is the same age as the kids your MO'ing to how can you do it? He was almost 60 and watching teenagers. How, why??? I just don`t understand and he says that he doesn`t either. Even the counselors avoid the questions I ask around this. Why does everyone seem to avoid this topic? I belive that it has a deeper meaning than it was just a preference. There`s a reason for a persons preference and I need some help with this one. Is there another man on here that is willing to be honest about this and help me to understand?
A very sad part for me is that I used to be triggered by all women, but now my strongest triggers are teenage girls. They can be 13 and if he`s with me a tremendous fear overwhelms me. Since he would look at all women in front of me for the whole 26 years I had no idea that his preference was teenagers. I saw him look at young girls and would point out that they were kids and he would act either like he wasn`t looking or he would say that I don`t know how old they were. It`s my opinion that in his mind he would make them 18 so he could "legally and morally look" at them. (I had no idea that he was watching P until 12/21) Now that I know that he had a million women at his fingertips and he chose to settle on four 18 year old children for years really bothers me deeply. I just can`t get past that. I need to have some kind of understanding.
I don`t know if any of this makes sense right now, my thoughts are swirling. I`m finding it hard to articulate my thoughts.
There are so many questions I have. How can you be with someone and not see them and not be with someone and "see" them? How can you touch someone and pretend that you are touching someone else? Isn`t it my body that you feel? How can you not feel me!? How can you not see me when I am the one that is right in front of you? How can you replace your wife physically when you`re having sex with her? Aren`t you just turning her into a living, breathing sex doll? Other than being a maid, landscaper, childcare, taxi, laundress and chef what was the purpose of the wife? Why was I kept around? It`s pretty obviouse now that I was nothing more than a convenience for him. I was a toy that was put on a shelf to be taken down and played with when he wanted and then put back to collect dust until the next time.
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