You Protect What You Love

You Protect What You Love
That was the line I heard from Dr. Doug Weiss. A licensed psychologist and the Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center. I had to protect my family, which I hadn't been doing for 13 years. I let porn and a sex addiction almost destroy my marriage.

So many of us started viewing porn at a young age, never thinking or knowing the consequences that it would have later on in life. I never did, I thought I could maintain viewing pornography, having affairs and still maintain a family life. It all eventually caught up to me two years ago. Siting at my dining room table, laptop open and viewing Craigslist solicitors offering sexual services, my wife caught me, again. This time, however, was the last time I wanted to be caught. I left my family, I no longer wanted to face the consequences or hear my wife yelling at me for viewing porn and acting out sexually with others. 60 days later I returned to my family, sober, clean, and ready to repair the damage that my addiction to pornography and sex had done to them. I was ready to protect what I loved.

I've been clean since March 11, 2021. I still struggle with the urge to masturbate occasionally. Sex with my wife is at an all-time high. The atmosphere in the house is more quiet and still. I'm not on edge like I used to be, I don't have to be afraid that my wife will catch me. However, I use porn blockers on all of our electronics that have access to the WWW.

To those who still struggle and relapse, there is hope to be successful in this endeavor.

"God's mercy and grace give me hope for myself and for this world." Billy Graham
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
Thanks for sharing your success story. I remember reading about Dr. Weiss' advice and research in the .pdf file that Covenant Eyes blocking and accountability software gives to its users. Really powerful stuff and very informative. Glad to hear you mentioning the Lord at the end of your post. Freedom from the slavery and punishment of sin is what Christ came here to provide and lust is just that, slavery.

Congratulations on more than a year and a half clean, brother. keep up the great work and thanks for encouraging others with your story. God bless you,
 
Timeline of my Addictions
Here I was, a new husband and father of two beautiful children, soon to be three, and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I was ready to take it all head-on. I stayed home as my beautiful wife worked and attended graduate school. I had all day to ponder how I was going to manage the laundry, dishes, dinner, and a newborn. All the while, not taking care of my past. I was good at burning it and horrible at facing it. My new wife had zero clue what she was up against.

Although I had been clean with alcohol for five years, I was still active in pornography. My wife’s previous marriage ended because of her ex-husband’s involvement with it. I told myself I would not get caught. That didn’t last long. She caught me. Not much was said. I’m sure she was in shock and distraught. She swept it under the rug and said little. Under a year into our marriage, I picked up drinking again. It started with us going out and me having one at dinner. It picked up to having two or three every time we went out to eat. I cared little about how she felt about it. I wanted what I wanted, and I would stop at nothing to get it. She confronted me about it and put the drinking to a stop for a brief period.

A few years into our marriage, we moved back to our home state. The change felt good. It was a fresh start. However, my addictions still had the same plan. Shove the pain of the past down and don’t deal with it, nor let the wife in emotionally to help.

We had settled into our new rental. Life was going well. We had a baby on the way, and I was happy, on the outside. On the inside, however, I was a mess. Unconfronted emotional scars led me back into pornography, masturbation, and drug use. My PTSD was at an all-time high. I was an emotional wreck. Trying to maintain a day-to-day life was a struggle. I had become suicidal and only cared about burying the pain I was in. I ended up in a PTSD treatment program for 90 days. The program helped me for a brief period. It helped to confront military trauma to a great extent. I made another trip to the same treatment facility as a refresher course.

While inpatient, my wife single-parented our four children, getting them dressed and ready for school, maintaining the house, paying the bills, Dr. appointments, and everything else involved in single parenting. I can’t imagine how stressful it must have been. I never heard her complain once about it. She’s a strong woman, but even the strongest of people have their breaking point, and she was nearing hers.

Eventually, the pain and buried feelings would resurface. I started using fishing by myself to drink. At one point, I met a few people at the bank. They invited me back to their home for a party. Indulged in my fantasy world, with no disregard for how my family would feel without me coming home, I stayed the night. When I didn’t return home, my family became worried something drastic had happened. The local police were called in to look for me. Using my vehicle's GPS, I was located.

After some time, pornography and masturbation weren’t enough to bury my pain. I needed something more powerful, something I could control, to shut off mentally the wreckage in my mind. That’s when I started cruising adult dating sites and Craig's List. There I would solicit myself to anyone for a sexual encounter, something more powerful than pornography. Sex addiction is just like any other addiction. You will need more of it, whether it is a different form of pornography, to soliciting for sexual encounters. You eventually require more to reach the same high. Meeting up with a complete stranger gave me the same adrenaline rush that I encountered while in combat. It also numbed my feelings for a short period and let me be in a false sense of control of whom I would meet up with. I would plan my encounters around the times my wife would be out of town and while she worked. This way, I wouldn’t get caught. This type of acting endangered the lives of my children. I didn’t know who the person was or their intentions. I assumed every time that it was for a sexual encounter. Selfishness and blatant disregard for my family were what my addiction was costing me. God had his hand on my family and protected them when I wasn’t.

Things in my life were coming to a head quickly. It was going to be my addiction or my family, and I would have to choose. January 27, 2021, will be the toughest day in my life. On that day, I left my family for my addictions. I picked drugs, alcohol, and sex over a loving and forgiving family. Partially because of me thinking that I could no longer get forgiveness for another relapse.

I had just finished setting up my son’s laptop. I had also just finished soliciting on Craigslist and left that email open. Thinking that I closed down the email, I handed the computer to my wife, who found the open email and confronted me on it. When confronted, my initial actions were that of being apologetic, but they weren’t real. A few minutes later, my mind shifted. I wanted my addictions over my family. I became apathetic, shutting down every feeling and emotion I had. It was as if I had gone back on deployment and shut everything down to survive. I was surviving for my addictions and not my family. I eventually had to tell my seven-year-old daughter that daddy was leaving. The image of her sobbing on the floor, not fully understanding what was happening, will be etched in my mind for eternity. That was it. I turned and walked out of the door, leaving my wife and four children behind me for the next four months.

These are just a few examples of how sex addiction will destroy a family. It doesn’t take long for the addict to become overwhelmed with guilt, shame, depression, loneliness, and resentments. In order to cope, he turns back towards his drug(s) of choice to bury these feelings. The cycle of addiction continues until they are ready to heal those emotional, physical, and spiritual wounds from the past.
 

SimonM

Active Member
Man. That is a powerful story. And very sobering.

I am happy to read above that you and your wife seem to be in a good place now. How did you reconcile? I imagine there was a tough time when you had to confront your demons and for her to regain trust in you.

Thank you for sharing! And continued strength to you!
 
Man. That is a powerful story. And very sobering.

I am happy to read above that you and your wife seem to be in a good place now. How did you reconcile? I imagine there was a tough time when you had to confront your demons and for her to regain trust in you.

Thank you for sharing! And continued strength to you!
The wife and I went to a counseling center in Colorado called Heart to Heart. It's a three day or five day intensive where you go to SA meetings and counseling twelve hours a day. It utterly saved our marriage. Her trust is slowly building, it's been a little over a year and a half of sobriety, trust takes time.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
The wife and I went to a counseling center in Colorado called Heart to Heart. It's a three day or five day intensive where you go to SA meetings and counseling twelve hours a day. It utterly saved our marriage. Her trust is slowly building, it's been a little over a year and a half of sobriety, trust takes time.
Is that dr weiss’ clinic?
 
The Importance of Social Connection
About a year ago, while sitting in a substance abuse class that I attend regularly, we watched a video called “The Rat Park Addiction Experiment” by Bruce K. Alexander. If you’ve never seen it, I highly recommend that you watch it. It may just change your mind about how you think about addiction. I won’t go into detail about the video, as I don’t want to ruin it, but I will share how it has affected my way of thinking.

I used to have an account on Facebook until March 2021. I shut my account down because I would use its dating app to solicit and flirt with women. In order to make my wife feel secure, it was in my best interest to leave the social media world altogether. When I had Facebook, however, I became depressed almost every time I logged on and posted something on my timeline. I noticed my “friends” count wasn’t that large compared to some and that I rarely had any comments on my posts. The truth of the matter was I had 0 friends. Social media gave me this false sense of friendship because there were numbers associated with how many “friends” I thought I had. Having over 200 friends made me feel somewhat important in the beginning, but after a post and only one to two people commenting, mainly my wife and mother, it made me realize I really had no friends. No one I could count on or call when needed. I became depressed over the fact that I had no one outside my marriage. However, being in my addictions caused me to lose any sort of friendships (the ones in real life and not behind the computer screen). Those supposed friendships online did not know the battles I struggled with nor the dark world I lived in.

Whitten was my one solid friend in the Army. He was a young kid, the same age as me. We both competed with one another. While on deployment, we’d challenge each other to see who could go the longest without sleep or eating. We’d see who could do the most sit-ups, push-ups, and run the fastest during the PT tests. We both had aspirations of going to Airborne School and then onto becoming Rangers for the United States Army. Those dreams got cut short on Dec. 11, 1998 when Whitten lost his life. I tell this story because it had an enormous impact on my life and in my future development of relationships. After losing Whitten, I vowed to never have friends again. I didn’t want to experience that pain and loss. It was horrendous. I felt like I had lost a brother, a close family member. We were tight; we did everything together. That day is still a little foggy. I remember bits and pieces, but what I remember the most is not being able to save his life. In my care, his life left his body.

From 1998 to 2018, I chose not to have any friends because of what happened on my deployment. In 2018, I became friends with an older gentleman through a Veterans organization. I was in my garage in my vehicle when I received a phone call from his number. It was his wife telling me he had a heart attack and passed away. Again, my mind told me friendship was a bad thing; all friends die. Pain, heartache, loss were all brought to the surface again, and I didn’t want to deal with it. The vicious repetitive cycle of addiction continued and once again I was back to using, drinking, and acting out.

Fast-forward to 2021; I now have a handful of friends, a few of whom I can truly count on. We need connection with one another. I had to develop those connections, though. I had to get connected at church, start going to small groups, put myself out there to meet people in healthy places (church, groups, and so forth). God designed us to need friendship. There are plenty of verses that state this. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I can’t tell you how fulfilled I feel now that I have genuine friendship and a social connection. I have people who are there to support me in the good and the bad. They may not understand the totality of my addictions, but they understand friendship and will be there when I need them. They’re not a number behind some computer screen; they’re flesh and bone in front of me, praying for and encouraging me in all I do. I’m willing to deal with the heartache when the time comes for one of them to move from this life to the next. I can heal from the raw emotions and feelings associated with loss and grieve without having to turn to my addictions and say, “welcome back, help me cope.”
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I left my family, I no longer wanted to face the consequences or hear my wife yelling at me for viewing porn and acting out sexually with others. 60 days later I returned to my family, sober, clean, and ready to repair the damage that my addiction to pornography and sex had done to them. I was ready to protect what I loved.
I think my man wants to get away from me also because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of me being upset……
Day 2 and I haven’t heard a word from him!
What did you do in the 60 days to work on your recovery?


My wife’s previous marriage ended because of her ex-husband’s involvement with it.
I had a similar experience, walking away from a 17 year relationship after my husband ignored me sexually for a long time…… at one point I went 15 months without him touching me once!!!! He never admitted to their being a problem with Porn, but with hindsight and now this experience under my belt I highly suspect it played a big part.
 
What did you do in the 60 days to work on your recovery?
After 60 days, my money supply ran out. My wife put me up in a hotel until our plane left for Colorado, I think it was 4 days in the hotel. I continued watching P, and soliciting, until we left.

I had a similar experience, walking away from a 17 year relationship after my husband ignored me sexually for a long time…… at one point I went 15 months without him touching me once!!!! He never admitted to their being a problem with Porn, but with hindsight and now this experience under my belt I highly suspect it played a big part.
15 months is a long, long time feeling unwanted. I'm sorry it ended that way. I would bet there was a definite problem with porn. Statistics show that 60%-70% of men inside a church (any denomination) suffer from sex addiction. What about the percentage of those who don't attend... That alone is staggering.
 
We all have Problems

1 Peter 5:7 says, Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for us.​

We all have problems, right? Problems we can solve and problems we can’t. What did I do about my problems before my recovery? I drank, used drugs, and acted out sexually to escape the reality of those problems. I let them overwhelm and consume me. My emotions and feelings were all out of whack. I did not understand what I was feeling and didn’t like it, so the easiest solution to escape reality was to be in my addictions to momentarily escape. I was so wrapped up in my selfishness and lies that I couldn’t keep them straight — all in the name of escaping reality. Instead of effectively communicating my emotions and feelings to my wife, I would lie to her… about everything.
In the military, I excelled at solving problems; it’s what they trained me for. After my deployment and Military Sexual Assault (MST), solving problems became extremely difficult because of the TBI and PTSD. That is not an excuse to say I couldn’t work at finding different options to solve them, but I used drugs, alcohol, and pornography to escape the reality of my problems and emotions. Instead of facing my issues and seeking help, I turned and ran the opposite way. I didn’t take time to stop and think of the consequences that my actions would have later on down the road. When does an addict really care about the future, right? I was living for the moment, the next buzz, the next high, and the next opportunity to act out sexually.
My problems followed me down the road of life. Now in my early 40s, I’m having to face the problems that I created in my 20s. That’s 20 years of my life that I buried besides avoiding having to deal with them. I’m having to repair relationships with my wife, children, and parents, to name a few. I’m having to find new coping skills to deal with the trauma, shame, and boredom. Though, I’m finally finding a purpose in life. The path hasn't been easy. I’ve had multiple relapses and inpatient treatments, but the singular most important thing that helped was my decision to give everything, especially my addictions, to Christ. I finally understood that I couldn't and wouldn't stay sober until I gave up the control over to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My prayer is that you too find a relationship with Jesus and relinquish your problems to him. Let Him carry your baggage and be set free; I promise He’ll do a better job of it than you ever could.
 
Military Sexual Trauma Part 1
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.​

In July 1997, I graduated from high school and joined the US Army as a Medic. The military gave me what I lacked: structure and discipline. It was an environment where I thrived. I was a line medic, constantly out in the field training, and loved every moment. I partied all day and night. Not only that, but I had no desire to control my drinking. No one had a computer, nor was the internet provided to our barracks. Instead, we went to strip clubs. It was easy for me to spend half my paycheck on booze and women. I had a problem, and I didn’t realize it.

In August 1998, my unit was being deployed to Bosnia and Herzegovina with Operation Joint Forge where my company would be at Camp Dobal for the next six months with our patrols mainly focused around the town of Zvornik. Mostly, my deployment was uneventful until one cold mid-December day when my 1st Lt. called me into his conex where he offered me a beer. While drinking the beer, he pulled out a nude calendar portraying all men. My 1st Lt. was homosexual, and I was crushed. Before I could say anything, he had moved next to me and started groping me. I remember sitting there in shock and taking a couple of minutes for everything to register. I shot straight up out of my chair and started crying. Likewise, I looked up to him. He was my leader, someone who was supposed to protect me at all costs, especially during a deployment. Instead, here he was trying to get me drunk to take advantage of me. I started walking out, turned around, and told him, “I will blackmail you with this if it ever happens again.”

For the rest of the deployment, I no longer pulled tower guard, nor was I allowed to go to our TOC (Tactical Operations Center) alone. I’m sure he was fearful that I would report him. However, I was too scared. I was only an E-2 Private; who was going to believe me? I had only been at my unit for 7 months and a line medic for 5 months, they barely knew me and I barely knew them. This was merely a glimpse of what would later become a full-fledged assault on my sexuality.
 
Military Sexual Trauma Part II

In March 1999, three days before the bombing of Kosovo, our company returned to the United States to Ft. Hood, TX. Life didn’t return to normal as it was pre-deployment. I struggled with the loss of a close friend and what had taken place during our deployment. I wasn’t the same person any more, and I didn’t know how to cope with the new me. My line company's 1st lieutenant seemed to pick up on my disposition and took me under his wing, so to speak, and I appreciated it. Sure, there was an incident, well, a couple, that arose during our deployment, but somehow I put them in the back of my mind and was enjoying the extra attention of someone that I thought had my best interest in mind. He was always buying me stuff from clothes and alcohol, to letting me drive his car. I enjoyed it; it made me feel worthwhile. I felt like someone cared that I was hurting.

In August 1999, our platoon had a party at the 1st lieutenant's place. I remember little, except the fact that I was drunk out of my mind the whole time. I passed out on his bed that night. At some point, he had come in and removed the bottom half of my clothing. I awoke to him sexually assaulting me. I remember being filled with shock and fear. I grabbed my clothes, ran to my car, and headed for my barracks room. The shower I took felt like forever, trying to scrub everything off of me. I felt so dirty and disgusted. How could I have let this happen? What was I dealing with? Who could I tell, and who was going to believe me? The next day, I grabbed a drinking buddy, and we headed off to get the rest of my clothing that I had left there. We were in the back room and I put the lieutenant up against the wall with my hand on his throat, telling him I was going to kill him. That was it, lights out. The next thing I remember was the down draft of helicopter blades. I woke up in the ICU three days later at Brooke Army Medical Center at Ft. Sam Houston, TX. The lieutenant had assaulted me and given me a traumatic brain injury. The EMTs on scene had to pack my head in ice to reduce the swelling on my brain. They said had they found me 5 minutes later, I would have died.

After my assault and stint at the hospital, they transferred me to a different company for my safety, as I was told. My drinking ramped up to an all-time high. I was showing up drunk to formation, and some days not even showing up at all. My platoon sergeant at the time knew what happened and took sympathy on me and covered for me on those days. It all came to a head when I got my DUI. My platoon sergeant took me to a counsellor and told me to work on my issues. I waited till he left and walked out of the building straight to the liquor store to work on my issues the best way I knew how. I had two years left on active duty, and I struggled. Not only that, but I could barely button my uniform. PT was so hard for me to take part in. I would get spells of vertigo while doing sit-ups, etc. To this day, it’s only by God’s grace that I finished my enlistment period with an Honorable Discharge.
 
So I’m a sex addict

I know what you are thinking: Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods? Being a sex addict does not always mean having loads of sex. It just means sex dominates your waking thoughts and that it’s difficult to join sex and romantic intimacy. A phenomenon called sexual anorexia (fear of sex) is arguably part of the same syndrome. Stigma about truly recognizing the reality of sex addiction remains. Studies show that porn is a 12 billion dollar industry in the US. 50% of men within a church body struggle with porn addiction. That does not include those who do not attend church; nor does that statistic consider the COVID lockdown. There is a real problem with sex addiction that isn’t being addressed.
Despite what tabloid newspapers would have you believe, sex addiction isn’t all a jolly tumbling from bed to bed. Some lead sexless lives but binge on pornography instead. Many sex addicts are unfaithful to their partners, have casual sex, and use pornography and masturbation. We can use sex as a type of drug to cope with our issues; a way of covering up our hurts. Unfortunately, by repeating the addiction cycle, we only create more shame, guilt, and despair for ourselves.
Men will often objectify women or their partners. Many women have a hard time understanding this, as they are usually relationally driven. Men don’t need a relationship in order to have a sexual experience. For some, it’s merely the gratification of conquering the quest that is addictive. In doing so, they view their partner as an object to use for their own gratification instead of a relationship to be a part of. It’s the adrenaline rush that covers hurts, scars, and wounds from the past.
So, the question begs, how does one become a sex addict? Following is a brief list of relevant factors from Patrick Carnes’s book “Facing the Shadow.”

  • Addicts typically inherit a genetic structure that predisposes them to addictions in general. Scientists believe there is a problem with the way an addict’s brain processes neurochemicals, such as dopamine or serotonin.
  • Often, addicts come from families in which other members suffer from addictions. Parents, siblings, and extended family members will have types of addictive and compulsive behaviors. This increases the probability of actually developing addictive behaviors through modeling, family dysfunction, and child abuse.
  • One of the primary failures that plays a role in making an addict is the inability to sustain intimacy. There is fundamental failure to trust others enough to bond with them. Addiction in many ways is about the failure to bond, which is why it is considered an intimacy disorder.
  • Sex addicts’ families tend to be rigid and authoritarian - or at least some members are. This results in a resistance to being accountable.
  • Further, the presence of extreme sexual negativity will probably intensify sexual obsession. For example, living in a religious tradition that does not support healthy sexual attitudes can create obsessive thinking.
  • Childhood abuse is a factor for many, leading to extreme reactivity or hypersensitivity to pain and emotional upset. Some sex addicts actually repeat abusive themes in their sexual acting out.
  • Depression frequently accompanies both sex addiction and sexual anorexia.
  • High-stress situations such as attending medical school, dealing with business problems, or facing extreme danger such as combat can create addicts when there are no other predisposing factors.
  • Early exposure to intense sexual digital media may also be a precursor to addiction.
  • Other addictions can also precipitate an addictive sexual pattern.
How did I become a sex addict? I believe being exposed to nudity from a babysitter multiple times at a young age and a habit of masturbation which later turned into an addiction contributed. Add to that, being sexual with women at a very young age perpetuated the issue. Some say that I was exploring my sexuality. I beg to differ. As young and active as I was in sexual matters, I was an addict by age 16, and I wanted more. From birth, I was fighting a spiritual and uphill battle. “Addicts typically inherit a genetic structure that predisposes them to addictions in general.” My birth mother (I was adopted) and father were both addicts. Just because my parents were addicts doesn’t mean that I have to be. I get a choice. With God’s direction, I determine my future and so can you.
 
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The Urge

The ideal time to deal with a bad urge is before it shows up. When I first quit, I planned ahead (a letter to myself).
Make a list (now) of reasons you are avoiding porn and consult it when The Urge arises. Better yet, write a note to yourself that you can read when The Urge arrives.
Next, make a list of what you will do instead when The Urge arises.
If you don't know what else to do, wait, and do nothing. Think to yourself, 'Here are cravings. They came out of nowhere, and they have no real power over me. I am not my thoughts; I did not summon them; I do not want them; and I do not have to act on them.'
When The Urge shows up, and you feel like you have no control, turn off your device and think things through before acting on it.

A Letter from You to Yourself
Dear Me
When you feel the urge or craving to act out or to use, pull out this letter. You are in imminent danger of relapse. You are seeking a pleasurable thrill at the thought of doing something irreversible. Please follow suit because of these thoughts that you are having. My guess is that you are now alone, considering acting out or not. Once you have committed, there is no chance of turning back. Please read to the end before irreversible damage is done.

Nothing New
Everything is the same. The circumstance in how it happens is the only difference. Remember all the pain that was caused by your selfish decisions? Try to remember all the emotions and feelings that accompanied your use and acting out. There is the anger, the loneliness, the shame, and the guilt. There is nothing new. Your conscience will go silent, and you will regret what you now want to do.

You will…
  • You will worry about being caught.
  • You will lie to cover other lies
  • You will never enjoy it.
  • You will hurt those closest to you.
  • You will lose relationships.
  • You will have suicidal ideation.
  • You will become lonely.
  • You will run from God.
These are only a few examples of what is coming if you follow through with your course of action. You need something in this fragile state of mind. Dig and find, don’t give in. Are you any of the following?

Are you…
  • Are you hungry?
  • Are you angry?
  • Are you lonely?
  • Are you tired?
  • Are you overreaching?
  • Are you requiring companionship?
Find and get what you require. Don’t do the only thing that makes all the above worse.
 
Owning my Behavior
  • I am an addict and in the grip of a compulsion that is equal parts mental and physical.
  • I made promises I would stop, but I never kept those promises. Many times, I was simply telling the family what you wanted to hear to get everyone off my back.
  • I realize that raising hopes with promises that I would stop was cruel, and that those false promises affected everyone's life severely and only drew everyone deeper into the insanity that is part of my addiction.
  • No one, caused my addiction.
  • I constantly lied to the family about my use to not get caught so that I could continue to use to avoid my emotions and feelings.
  • I stole money from my loved one's to continue in my addictions.
  • I left the family to avoid my addiction's consequences and maintain it.
  • I caused damage to everyone, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
  • While living in my addictions, I put myself first. I cared little for the emotions, feelings, and well-being of my family.
  • I made excuse after excuse to continue my behavior.
  • I wasn’t there for the family mentally and emotionally when they needed me.
  • I left mom, and the kids, for my addiction. I was involved with other women.
  • I avoided coming to the house because I didn’t want to face the reality of the pain; I had caused the family.
  • I left everyone questioning who I am as a dad and husband.

Trust and Accountability in the Future
  • I am committed to do my recovery work daily, reading material, phone calls, meetings, and my 3 dailies with mom.
  • I check in weekly with mom on my SA, DA, AA and share with her the recovery process.
  • I will stay away from anyone that has caused me to relapse. John, or any other people I was in my addiction with.
  • I am committed to accountability software on all my electronic devices.
  • I am committed to staying away from all forms of social media sites, to include CL, AM, POF, FB, Dating apps, etc.
  • I am committed to going to a substance abuse group on Mondays.
  • I am committed to going to my Sex Addict group on Tuesdays.
  • I am committed to going to my men’s Bible study group on Saturdays.
  • I am committed to praying for mom, and the kids, daily.
  • I am committed to talking to my family about their emotions and feelings. Not only does this help me understand what I am feeling, but it also helps them express theirs.
  • I have recommitted my life to God, a desire to have an earnest relationship with him. Giving my addictions to him as I cannot do it myself any longer.
 
List of My Excuses
  • I was to stressed
  • I’m not hurting anyone
  • I need my addiction to face and cope with my problems
  • I need it to relax
  • I’m going to quit, eventually
  • This is who I am.
  • I can stop anytime I want
  • Treatment doesn’t work.
  • No one can help me with my problems
  • If only you knew what I was going through
  • I’ve already done it, so screw it, ill keep doing it.
  • Too ashamed to get help
  • I’ve done so much damage, what’s the difference.
  • It's the only thing that helps my depression
  • I have nothing to live for
  • I've tried treatment before and it doesn’t work
  • I’ll get help when ____, not right now
  • I'm not as bad as I used to be.
  • Because it feels good.
 
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