Long Robooters Married Or In Relationships What Advice Can You Give

KetchupDrool

KetchupDrool

Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
So good to hear that during your marriage you had relapses. I’m in the same boat - WFH led me back to P this summer. Looking forward to sticking with this and having great sex with my lovely wife. Did you struggle with guilt and shame? I definitely am…
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Wow, did I ever struggle with shame and guilt. I always thought I was a bad person (shame) for things I had done in the military and to my family. It took some time and counseling for me to change the shame to guilt (I did something bad). Once my perspective changed to guilt, it was easier to digest and work out. I read a book by Dr. Doug Weiss called Emotional Fitness. It changed my life.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
Thanks man, that’s a good point. I bet if I were single the temptation to PMO would be tremendous.
I am keeping the faith and trying my best to look at this funk/lack of sensitivity/lack of drive as part of the healing process. But yeah, it’s brutal not to feel anything! I feel for my wife - she’s not doing anything wrong but the mojo is on sabbatical.
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I feel you man. The blocking software I use has a little ebook that comes with it and one of the things recommended in it is that especially during the recommended 90 day abstinent period, you focus not on intercourse or more sexual acts with your spouse, but more emotional and trust building, and bonding. They call it "relearning intimacy". Basically getting away from the idea that sexual performance is everything. Sounds like great advice especially for the short term
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
So good to hear that during your marriage you had relapses. I’m in the same boat - WFH led me back to P this summer. Looking forward to sticking with this and having great sex with my lovely wife. Did you struggle with guilt and shame? I definitely am…
Click to expand...
Ah yes, the shame. We all feel that but don't let it get the best of you. The shame always led me back to the behavior, and the cycle would repeat over and over for years. Pmo...shame and guilt...back to PMO to self medicate....shame and guilt.
 
I

I_Love_Tuscany

Member
Daybyday1988 said:
Ah yes, the shame. We all feel that but don't let it get the best of you. The shame always led me back to the behavior, and the cycle would repeat over and over for years. Pmo...shame and guilt...back to PMO to self medicate....shame and guilt.
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Makes sense. When I was thinking clearly, I’d always remind myself that I felt awful immediately after PMO’ing, but then when the urge would strike at some other time and I’d convince myself it wouldn’t be an issue.

It got to the point where, after having sex with my wife, I’d feel emboldened and excited to PMO when we were apart because I “proved” to myself it wasn’t affecting me in the bedroom; however, it absolutely was since I was fantasizing porn scenes to stay hard and finish instead of being present in the moment with her. And ultimately, DE and PIED reappeared.

Man, as I think through all these moments I am realizing how much junk I accumulated in my brain that needs to be shed! Wow!
 
KetchupDrool

KetchupDrool

Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
Man, as I think through all these moments I am realizing how much junk I accumulated in my brain that needs to be shed! Wow!
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It's pretty crazy to think about, I'm 43 and the amount of "junk" that I've accumulated is insane, as I'm sure you're well aware of. I don't remember where I read it, some book I own about P. The statistic says that it can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for your brain's neuro pathways to "reboot" from all the P use. :eek:
 
L

LionHeart

Member
KetchupDrool said:
It's pretty crazy to think about, I'm 43 and the amount of "junk" that I've accumulated is insane, as I'm sure you're well aware of. I don't remember where I read it, some book I own about P. The statistic says that it can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for your brain's neuro pathways to "reboot" from all the P use.
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Just recently i have started to wonder what kind of state it is. I mean the state of being "cured"? How does one know if he's completely cured? It will never be the same level of arrousal, excitement and thrill when you are cured vs when you were watching porn daily. It will always be less. Satisfying as hell, but still less. I wonder if people are comparing their feelings and arrousal levels what they had when PMO'ing to current situation after quitting pmo. Do they think that it will return to the same state?
 
KetchupDrool

KetchupDrool

Member
LionHeart said:
Just recently i have started to wonder what kind of state it is. I mean the state of being "cured"? How does one know if he's completely cured? It will never be the same level of arrousal, excitement and thrill when you are cured vs when you were watching porn daily. It will always be less. Satisfying as hell, but still less. I wonder if people are comparing their feelings and arrousal levels what they had when PMO'ing to current situation after quitting pmo. Do they think that it will return to the same state?
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Since quitting PMO, my libido has increased dramatically. I have more intense orgasms, longer and thicker erections. Also, I have found out that when you reach your orgasm, if you are looking at your partner, you are replacing the fake women you see in porn flicks to a real life human. Associating arousal and pleasure with something real.
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
Makes sense. When I was thinking clearly, I’d always remind myself that I felt awful immediately after PMO’ing, but then when the urge would strike at some other time and I’d convince myself it wouldn’t be an issue.

It got to the point where, after having sex with my wife, I’d feel emboldened and excited to PMO when we were apart because I “proved” to myself it wasn’t affecting me in the bedroom; however, it absolutely was since I was fantasizing porn scenes to stay hard and finish instead of being present in the moment with her. And ultimately, DE and PIED reappeared.

Man, as I think through all these moments I am realizing how much junk I accumulated in my brain that needs to be shed! Wow!
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Glad to know im not the only one who had to use porn fantasy to stay hard enough for sex, really sucks!
 
Daybyday1988

Daybyday1988

Active Member
KetchupDrool said:
Since quitting PMO, my libido has increased dramatically. I have more intense orgasms, longer and thicker erections. Also, I have found out that when you reach your orgasm, if you are looking at your partner, you are replacing the fake women you see in porn flicks to a real life human. Associating arousal and pleasure with something real.
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So now you must find that you crave the sex with your wife instead of porn right?
 
J

Johnn7boy

Member
I_Love_Tuscany said:
Married for over three years. Currently struggling through a flatline that makes me feel anxious and stressed that my libido will never return. I use Cialis sometimes but it’s not very helpful when sex drive is zero and penis isn’t as sensitive due to PIED. I definitely recommend seeking moments of intimacy: cuddling, massaging, kissing, etc. It has helped me feel like I am not just a burden on my wife but am actively showing her how much I love and care for her. Sometimes I think rebooting as a single person would be easier because you don’t owe anybody an explanation or projected timeline for getting better. For me, the mental/emotional funk of the flatline is the absolute worst side effect.
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I can really relate to your symptoms..

My background story.

I was addicted to porn for over 18 years. I was watching very hardcore movies. I was jerking off at least 3 times, sometimes even more every day. Every session could last more than an hour by being edging.

I met an amazing girl almost 2 years ago. Instead making love, I pretty much carried my addiction to our bedroom.
I was using my girlfriend as part of my PMO fantasies.

I’ve decided to stop it completely. I started my rebooting just a little bit over a year. So we started to make love rather than just fucking and at the same time stoped using erection’s pills. The first two months a high spike of sex drive with so much energy and great erections and amazing sex.

after three months my sex drive, my erections, my sexual feelings gone completely. Once a month or even longer have a bit of sexual tensions. As soon as I cum, I get back to a very long flatline with zero sensation down there.

last time I felt the sexual tension was over two months.

All I can say, it is a very scary and long reboot process that you start to doubt your sexuality.
 
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