Long Robooters Married Or In Relationships What Advice Can You Give

So good to hear that during your marriage you had relapses. I’m in the same boat - WFH led me back to P this summer. Looking forward to sticking with this and having great sex with my lovely wife. Did you struggle with guilt and shame? I definitely am…
Wow, did I ever struggle with shame and guilt. I always thought I was a bad person (shame) for things I had done in the military and to my family. It took some time and counseling for me to change the shame to guilt (I did something bad). Once my perspective changed to guilt, it was easier to digest and work out. I read a book by Dr. Doug Weiss called Emotional Fitness. It changed my life.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
Thanks man, that’s a good point. I bet if I were single the temptation to PMO would be tremendous.
I am keeping the faith and trying my best to look at this funk/lack of sensitivity/lack of drive as part of the healing process. But yeah, it’s brutal not to feel anything! I feel for my wife - she’s not doing anything wrong but the mojo is on sabbatical.
I feel you man. The blocking software I use has a little ebook that comes with it and one of the things recommended in it is that especially during the recommended 90 day abstinent period, you focus not on intercourse or more sexual acts with your spouse, but more emotional and trust building, and bonding. They call it "relearning intimacy". Basically getting away from the idea that sexual performance is everything. Sounds like great advice especially for the short term
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
So good to hear that during your marriage you had relapses. I’m in the same boat - WFH led me back to P this summer. Looking forward to sticking with this and having great sex with my lovely wife. Did you struggle with guilt and shame? I definitely am…
Ah yes, the shame. We all feel that but don't let it get the best of you. The shame always led me back to the behavior, and the cycle would repeat over and over for years. Pmo...shame and guilt...back to PMO to self medicate....shame and guilt.
 
Ah yes, the shame. We all feel that but don't let it get the best of you. The shame always led me back to the behavior, and the cycle would repeat over and over for years. Pmo...shame and guilt...back to PMO to self medicate....shame and guilt.

Makes sense. When I was thinking clearly, I’d always remind myself that I felt awful immediately after PMO’ing, but then when the urge would strike at some other time and I’d convince myself it wouldn’t be an issue.

It got to the point where, after having sex with my wife, I’d feel emboldened and excited to PMO when we were apart because I “proved” to myself it wasn’t affecting me in the bedroom; however, it absolutely was since I was fantasizing porn scenes to stay hard and finish instead of being present in the moment with her. And ultimately, DE and PIED reappeared.

Man, as I think through all these moments I am realizing how much junk I accumulated in my brain that needs to be shed! Wow!
 
Man, as I think through all these moments I am realizing how much junk I accumulated in my brain that needs to be shed! Wow!
It's pretty crazy to think about, I'm 43 and the amount of "junk" that I've accumulated is insane, as I'm sure you're well aware of. I don't remember where I read it, some book I own about P. The statistic says that it can take anywhere from 2 to 5 years for your brain's neuro pathways to "reboot" from all the P use. :eek:
 
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