A Poll For the Older Guys here

Sammyjo

Active Member
Admin - I hope this post is ok, if not, please take it down.

My husband has mentioned on a few occasions that the is a bit concerned that maybe he thinks about sex too much, "especially for his age". I found a study of college students on the topic here: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a28483383/how-often-think-about-sex/ I can say he does think about it significantly more frequently than these college students (according to his own calculations).

I am curious of the older men, on average how many times per day/hour do you have a thought about sex? (It can range from a fleeting thought to a longer, more in-depth thought)

Thanks for you input
 
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GBS

Well-Known Member
I don’t know how you’re going to control this survey. What’s a fleeting thought? Is a quick look at my wife’s boobs a fleeting thought? I will say it is. So I will weigh in to kick it off.

Including fleeting thoughts I would say I think about it at least once every waking hour. I am 60 by the way (and I’m from the UK if that makes any difference).
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Hmmm….good question. Difficult to say by how much but definitely less over time. That begs the question how much in my 20s, 30s etc. Impossible to say, but I’d guess my sex addiction style life means I was/am above average.
 

Simon2

Active Member
I've always thought about sex a lot... I'd say several times an hour. I don't think it's really changed that much over the years, though I did probably get more spontaneous boners when I was younger. I am 45 now.

I do also think about sex in a way every time I see a woman for the first time. This is a big sad but I always have this almost unconscious evaluation happening as to whether a woman I see is someone I'd have sex with. I remember women by their asses... yeah... that's where I look. And then at their faces - having a cute face is absolutely key... I'm only saying this in the context of how my brain works when I see a new woman. That's the evaluation... If the face doesn't attract me then I lose my interest.

Porn definitely makes it worse. When I was using it, I was often anticipating my next session, remembering something I'd seen, and of course actually engaging in hunting for material... at all those times I was thinking about sex. I'd say without porn use it's become less a constant obsession but still a constant in my life. I am also very consciously trying now not to ogle anymore - I still notice a beautiful woman but I hope I am not creepy anymore and that also means letting the brain move on from imagining sex so much...

How is it for women @Sammyjo?
 

Sammyjo

Active Member
I'm sure, just as it is for men, different for everyone. For me, 56 and post menopause, in general not much. That said, with all the P rehab stuff going on it's on my mind quite a bit but not in a positive way most of the time. Take the P stuff out of the equation and I would guess a few times a week.
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Tough for me to respond, Sammyjo, since the porn addiction has warped my mind when it comes to my sexuality. I would say 90% of the time when I "think about sex" what's really happening is depression, which manifests itself in sexual (ie: addictive) thoughts. In the same way an alcoholic craves a drink, I would crave PMO. In other words, any sexy thoughts I was having weren't really about sex.

As an older guy (53), when I think about women these days, it's generally more of a romantic feeling than purely sexual, although sexy thoughts are certainly there sometimes. Don't know if that helps, but thought I would share.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I would say, always (I just turned 40). However, it is much better (or much more controllable) now when not looking at porn. It's more of a background noise than right up in your face screaming at you. I always tell my Lady that in someway my sex drive is even more strong than it was before, however, I feel more in control of it, and it's not the raging out of control fire it once was. Nevertheless, I still notice every women around me, from my beautiful sixty something year old professor, to all the younger twenty year old's in my classes. This party never ends I guess, it just becomes more sober lol.

As an older guy (53), when I think about women these days, it's generally more of a romantic feeling than purely sexual, although sexy thoughts are certainly there sometimes.
Totally agree. I notice their beauty, and that's sexual, but my attraction for them is considerably deeper than just the surface level, thus, I feel human again.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
I've been holding off commenting on this post, as I know @Sammyjo was looking for a reference point from men, but I thought I would add my 5 cents worth and thought everyone might enjoy a woman's perceptive!

I think about sex a LOT, I always have........I think when you naturally have a high sex drive and have the desire to have sex, it's hard not to think about it, although at nearly 50 I don't consciously notice the thoughts as much as I did when I was younger, they feel a bit more fleeting, if that makes sense......but they are definitely still there...... I've probably racked up about 50x today.....LOL!
It's also worth noting that my sexual thoughts are often just stimulated from my own libido, they don't always come from visual ques or physical sensation, although we all know that can definitely ramp things up a level!!!!!
Society and stereotypes would have us believe that men have a higher sex drive and desire and think about sex more than woman, but I blow that theory out of the water, I have always had a stronger libido than any man I've ever been with, and there's been a few😜

I believe thinking about sex and having a fulfilling sex life, for all your life, is healthy and normal, it's the acting out that's the issue!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I've never really counted per day before so who knows. Are we talking about sexual thoughts like just noticing a pretty woman without necessarily going further in your mind? Or literally thoughts of bending the world over and obviously that would included my girlfriend? It would be hard to count because I would be "thinking" about it all the time which would influence my results.

@Beautiful1973: Those are good points you bring up. I definitely think women are stereotyped when it comes to their sexual appetites etc., however, us men get the same treatment. I don't necessarily have a problem with stereotypes per se because they get right to the point of the matter, although yes, they often paint in broad strokes. I think it's safe to say with us men having in general 15x as much testosterone flowing through our veins compared to women of equal age, there is bound to be some striking differences between us, although not as black and white as it's often made out to be.

Warning: I will now philosophize about the sexes.

From my experiences with women (only a few), I would say women's sexuality is more cyclical in nature and us men's is more linear. In general, I'm down for sex at all times of the day: morning, afternoon, evening, death, funerals, taxes, school etc., no matter what, my sex drive is mostly a constant. Whereas for women, there are certain moments (and not just THAT time of the month) when my lady is on fire, and she makes me think I'm the tame one in the bedroom. In other words, Blondie is always up for it, and she generally is too, but when she's really turned on, batten down the hatches boys, there's a storm a-brewin!

Thus, us men are a constant fire, but you women, when kindled correctly with proper love, are a raging inferno from hell :cool:.

But as you rightly point out, all people have different sex drives and sometimes many are just not sexually compatible with each other. Personally, I couldn't stay in a relationship with a woman who didn't want to shag as much as I do. That would be pretty damn depressing to put it bluntly. Obviously, there's health issues and life that happens sometimes, but I mean in general.
 

joepanic

Well-Known Member
I've never really counted per day before so who knows. Are we talking about sexual thoughts like just noticing a pretty woman without necessarily going further in your mind? Or literally thoughts of bending the world over and obviously that would included my girlfriend? It would be hard to count because I would be "thinking" about it all the time which would influence my results.

@Beautiful1973: Those are good points you bring up. I definitely think women are stereotyped when it comes to their sexual appetites etc., however, us men get the same treatment. I don't necessarily have a problem with stereotypes per se because they get right to the point of the matter, although yes, they often paint in broad strokes. I think it's safe to say with us men having in general 15x as much testosterone flowing through our veins compared to women of equal age, there is bound to be some striking differences between us, although not as black and white as it's often made out to be.

Warning: I will now philosophize about the sexes.

From my experiences with women (only a few), I would say women's sexuality is more cyclical in nature and us men's is more linear. In general, I'm down for sex at all times of the day: morning, afternoon, evening, death, funerals, taxes, school etc., no matter what, my sex drive is mostly a constant. Whereas for women, there are certain moments (and not just THAT time of the month) when my lady is on fire, and she makes me think I'm the tame one in the bedroom. In other words, Blondie is always up for it, and she generally is too, but when she's really turned on, batten down the hatches boys, there's a storm a-brewin!

Thus, us men are a constant fire, but you women, when kindled correctly with proper love, are a raging inferno from hell :cool:.

But as you rightly point out, all people have different sex drives and sometimes many are just not sexually compatible with each other. Personally, I couldn't stay in a relationship with a woman who didn't want to shag as much as I do. That would be pretty damn depressing to put it bluntly. Obviously, there's health issues and life that happens sometimes, but I mean in general.
All very good points Blondie until the end So if she decided she was not interested in shagging as much as you do in general you would walk? I sometimes face that situation at home as 15 years into marriage my wife has decided her "drive" is not the same as it used to be. There is no health issues here. The kids are growing up to the point we have more time but her "drive is not the same as it used to be. I can't see myslef leaving though. I guess that's what sets me aside from some other men
 

Blondie

Respected Member
That's a good point @joepanic. However, I was just talking about myself and my relationship, I can't speak for anyone else. Everyone has their own priorities etc. and different backgrounds they're coming from. As for me, her and I right from the beginning (we weren't even officially dating) had several conversations about what we would or would not tolerate in a relationship. For example, cheating by either of us was an instant termination of the relationship. Life is too short to put up with that. Obviously, porn was also discussed and it wasn't a problem. She couldn't have cared less about my porn use (maybe she was wrong about that lol) A big one for me though, since I had just started to have sex (I had just turned 31 at the time), was that sex should be a constant for us and should never dry up. I had "saved" myself for Jesus all throughout my 20s, and after losing my faith it was time to sex it up and I sure as hell wasn't going to have a woman (any woman) use sex as a way to control my behavior or relationship (not that all women do that, but some of them do).

All men and women should all have non-negotiables for their relationships, and it will be different for every couple, but they should have something that is not up for discussion. My love language is fucking and blow-jobs, god's honest truth. If she or anyone would refuse to give that to me over the long haul (especially while I'm still relatively young and other women would be willing to do that), barring all other health issues and life drama aside, I would have ever reason to say, honey I love you, but this will not work for me for the long term. Life is too short to put up with someone who does not care enough about you to even treat you right. Personally to me, sex is like romantic dinners for women, love letters left on the car, cuddling on the couch and listening to her daily activities, even if sometimes I don't always "feel" like it. If I do all those things and she can't even give me sex, there's something seriously wrong with our relationship and if she doesn't change over the long term, she's telling me she doesn't really care about me. Society has no problem if a women leaves a man because he wasn't doing those romantic things anymore or didn't make her "feel" special. As far as I'm concerned, us men have the same rights. It takes two to tango. It's as simple as that.

Obviously her and I are not married, and obviously we don't have children. However, I don't really think that should really change the situation that much. Of course, this doesn't mean she "has to give me sex on demand" like some patriarchal bullshit, no I don't mean that all. However, at least for me, if she's refusing to give it to me on the long term, knowing that it means the world to me, I have every right to protest and take care of my own needs.

Life is too short to put up with someone's bullshit, including our own.

Best to you

Blondie
 
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joepanic

Well-Known Member
I totally see where your coming from The problem is when people just decide they are going to change or the develop control issues. I have known a few over the years who after marriage their wives began to use sex as a control tool. very cruel if you ask me. Too bad there isn't a forum based on that one.

This might put it into perspective a little

 

Sammyjo

Active Member
Wow! Lots of interesting convo going on here.

I think it was @Jlied who said Mrs. Lied continued "putting out" perhaps as a means of preventing a relapse. For me, 3 nights after finding out, as hurt as I was, I needed him. He is my person, my best friend, and I needed to be loved to help the heartache (even though he was the cause of it). @joepanic mentioned that Mrs Panic has lost her sex drive. For Me, I hit menopause very early (38). Menopause does a ton of horrid things to you including reducing your sex drive (there are some things Dr's can prescribe for this but they are not without side effects). That said it never stopped me from participating enthusiastically, it just took a little more to get me going. I often initiated even when I wasn't in the mood, but would end up enjoying it anyway. (Menopause sucks.)

I have to agree that some women use sex as a weapon. I think this is wrong. (Although I was guilty of this once when menopause hit and I wanted an air contitioner - dead of summer, high humidity and hot flashes - no sex until I get an air conditioner! Guess what I got the next day 😁) However, I do believe there is a difference between withholding as a punishment or method of control vs. withholding due to emotional pain.
 
@Sammyjo

In answering your first question: I'm in my 40s and have a low sex drive. I take testosterone shots twice monthly to keep my levels up. The VA Dr's think it's because of my TBI. I think it's just me still reaping the consequences of excessive porn use. 🤔

I don't work because of being 100% disabled because of the TBI, so I have a lot of time on my hands at the house. I typically think about sex once or twice a day for maybe a couple of mins, and rarely do I act on it with my wife. She's usually the one that initiates.

However, I have a thing for butts, when we're out in public, I have a tendency to look below the surface of the water, if you know what I mean. It doesn't make me crave sex, but it's definitely a problem I'm working on.
 
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