ImBroken
Member
As a couple (if you can refer to us as that) we are 60+ days out from his D-Day. Lots of friends, family and acquaintances have noticed “something is up” with us as a couple - missed engagements, declinations of party invites, etc.
What I am frustrated with is I can’t give anyone an honest answer about what is going on. I don’t want to “out” him. I have told one good friend, without detail, that there is an ”infidelity issue” - I’ve tried bluffing my way around it…but to some very important people (family - in-laws, nieces and nephews) I am just avoiding telling them much.
I have had 60 days to deal with what I ”would say” if asked “Uncle XXXX has a problem with porn - he was watching it multiple times a day, masturbating several times a day, paying men online to simulate sex with him, having numerous cyber affairs with faceless people across the world in an interactive porn game that he created and had tens of thousands of members…and we are no longer intimate because he can’t partake unless there is porn or fantasy involved…and that revolves around some dark and deviant shit that I want no part of” - “But otherwise - he’s doing great in recovery for himself…I feel like a worthless POS who’s life is devastated…but y’know….shit happens….Good to see you this Thanksgiving”
Yes, this post is part “pity party” for me - but the “secrets” are eating me up…not that I like thinking about them. As a recovering alcoholic - I can’t tell you how many times my spouse has easily stated to…anyone….”Mike doesn’t drink - he’s sober 30 years” - just so funny that alcohol addiction is so socially accepted - yet, P and Sex addiction is so taboo -
Its great that I have so many of you to share this with - but the resources available and the clinical understanding are CRAP. I am gently entering into exploring Betrayal Trauma as some of you have suggested. I will…and have….shouted from rooftops that I am an alcoholic - I would do anything to maintain my sobriety after 30 years of saving myself….I wonder how he will approach it?
The shame of it all.
What I am frustrated with is I can’t give anyone an honest answer about what is going on. I don’t want to “out” him. I have told one good friend, without detail, that there is an ”infidelity issue” - I’ve tried bluffing my way around it…but to some very important people (family - in-laws, nieces and nephews) I am just avoiding telling them much.
I have had 60 days to deal with what I ”would say” if asked “Uncle XXXX has a problem with porn - he was watching it multiple times a day, masturbating several times a day, paying men online to simulate sex with him, having numerous cyber affairs with faceless people across the world in an interactive porn game that he created and had tens of thousands of members…and we are no longer intimate because he can’t partake unless there is porn or fantasy involved…and that revolves around some dark and deviant shit that I want no part of” - “But otherwise - he’s doing great in recovery for himself…I feel like a worthless POS who’s life is devastated…but y’know….shit happens….Good to see you this Thanksgiving”
Yes, this post is part “pity party” for me - but the “secrets” are eating me up…not that I like thinking about them. As a recovering alcoholic - I can’t tell you how many times my spouse has easily stated to…anyone….”Mike doesn’t drink - he’s sober 30 years” - just so funny that alcohol addiction is so socially accepted - yet, P and Sex addiction is so taboo -
Its great that I have so many of you to share this with - but the resources available and the clinical understanding are CRAP. I am gently entering into exploring Betrayal Trauma as some of you have suggested. I will…and have….shouted from rooftops that I am an alcoholic - I would do anything to maintain my sobriety after 30 years of saving myself….I wonder how he will approach it?
The shame of it all.