KetchupDrool
Member
I, too, felt that after I had told her of all the affairs, P, drug, and alcohol use. I hated seeing her so distant and feeling worthless because of my actions. I had the feeling of regret for telling her. Furthermore, I knew that all the damage I had done to her self-respect, self-image were because of my infidelity and addictions.My man (ex) felt nothing but a total weight on his shoulders when everything came out, he can't get past the hurt he has caused, thinks he can't change, thinks he'll lie again, hurt me again....
I'll speak for myself on this one. When ever I had relapsed, no matter what the addiction, I always went back to feeling guilt/shame. It's the cycle of addiction. I had to learn how to get past the initial cravings, what was behind the craving, in order to cut ties to the cycle.The day we got home he became distant again, I asked what he wanted to have happen with us from here, he got very anxious and said he didn't know if he could be in a relationship; I gave him a massage, had some light intimacy, but he didn't seem into it
He doesn't know if he can be in a relationship is an excuse IMO. An excuse for his actions and not taking full responsibility, a lot of gas lighting is going on I would bet. It's what I would do to my wife. "You don't want to be married to me, I'm a bad person", "You don't know what you're getting into", and so forth.
99% of the time, trust your gut on these situations. Eventually, and maybe this is already happening, you will doubt yourself and your own intuition. With being in a relationship or involved in an addict's life, your gut has to be your barometer. Being active in my addictions, I always lied to my wife about my use and gas lighted the hell out of her to throw her off or put all the blame on her, that all of it was her fault. Trust your gut, girl!my gut told me something was up....