Coding the Mind

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Day III

Similar feeling than yesterday. I'm developing the ambition to push forward and even higher this time. And I'm just going to enjoy all the progress I have done during these last three months!
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Day 0

Sadly I cannot get out of this 6 days free out of 7 of the week scenario. It is much better than what I had before, which was nothing, but at this point I am getting disappointed with myself. And this time, sadly the reset came not only to M but also to P because I don't know what happened but my blocking software stopped working; I think it was an issue with my device but still, even a payed software is not entirely reliable. Besides, I already figured out how to get around the blocking mechanism in my cellphone because I can just download some apps that counter whatever the software does. Therefore, I have to stop using my cellphone entirely, or block the entire apps application. The conclusion is that avoiding porn is once again entirely up to me.

I have been having some family problems as well, that is not helping me neither. At this point I feel really overwhelmed.

I am having problems with organizing myself and that is also a cause for my relapse.

I feel alone. And I don't lack company. A new woman appeared in my life, nothing has happened between us but she feels different, who knows! I point this out to make emphasis on how alone I feel anyways. I feel trapped deep down somewhere in my own body. I don't think people understand me, no matter how much some may like me, I think I am too deep to be understood. It feels like I reside in the Greek underworld, the Hades.

I will of course once again get back up. But this time I am so tired of the recurring cycle of relapsing once a week that I might just as well succumb to this nightmare or emerge victorious by completely eliminating this addiction from my life once and for all.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Be pleased with your progress and try again.

You're not "too deep." You're just alienating yourself from others because of the way you're using your life force energy. Don't believe any of the "truths" your recovering mind tells you during the week after a relapse. It's impossible to sort "pearls" from "trash" when your neurochemistry is out of balance.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
True! I don't have a clear brain right now.

At least there's still some will within me to keep fighting, and certainly having reduced the rate of relapses is something to be happy about.

I'm using my life force energy badly and I need to maturely recognize that so I can make the necessary changes that I need in my life.

Ok! I will simply continue. If hits don't let me crippled they might actually make me stronger. I will continue, immediately.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Day I

All good. I have to be very patient this time, things are going to turn out well in my life with patience and diligence. Anxiety was killing me and it is a big step to recognize that. I go on.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Day II

I go on. Today I listened to a podcast in which they spoke about how the hard moments constitute the good moments of life. I think Nikoka Tesla once said that our virtues and our defects are inseparable, just pondering on that...

I go on!
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
DAY 3

I'm back feeling stronger than ever. What I find different about myself on this occasion is that I've come to a few realizations:

•It is up to each man to summon the will to change his life. It is up to each man to have the right attitude towards life.

•Defeat and victory go hand in hand. It is in correctly leading with defeats what get us victories.

•And finally...I met a new woman. She is a coworker and we get along really well, talking at least an hour a day in our return home from work...and we have a lot in common. However, due to past traumas and the way I understand my circumstances, I am scared that I will once again get hurt. Either by her deliberately or by myself through allowing me to get exited and create hopes of illusions.
I simply think that if I want to avoid getting hurt I need to fully change myself and bring me to another level. That is exactly what I will do, I will be fearless. For bravery is not the absence of fear but overcoming it.
Besides, women are sometimes quite volatile and unpredictable, so even though I have reasons to think she does like me I'm aware that she might change her view or interest; anyway, as long as I am aware and complete by myself, fearless and strong, no one can hurt me.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
DAY 4

I continue to move forward. I think I'm no longer a slave to the childish thought and emotional patterns that made me willingly reset my journey.

I feel more mature than ever, finally solidifying some inner wisdom.

Strength. Attitude. Bravery. Those are some of the keys for success.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Day 1

Hell, I reset again. Ok same thing as always I will pick myself back up. This month is ending and it will be the third in a row in which I do at least 20/31...which is fine and definitely an improvement. However I'm still not where I want to be yet and that is naturally frustrating.

There are 10 days a month in which I am weak and fail. Ten days a month in which I am not productive, not healthy, not myself. Ten days is a lot. 32% a failure, that's just too much. A rate of 116 days of resets out of 365 of the year. I'm going to use all my strength to fight this.
 

CodeTheMind

Active Member
Sorry you're struggling. Remember to try your other mood-regulators first...just to train your brain to stop and think before acting on impulse.

The days I struggle the most are when I have days off from work. I work most weekends so there is less to do when I have a day off on Monday for example. That just breaks me haha. Comfort is the enemy of man and if I could work every single day I would do it.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
The days I struggle the most are when I have days off from work. I work most weekends so there is less to do when I have a day off on Monday for example. That just breaks me haha. Comfort is the enemy of man and if I could work every single day I would do it.
Well, can you join a hiking club or volunteer someplace to keep busier?
 
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