Sadly I cannot get out of this 6 days free out of 7 of the week scenario. It is much better than what I had before, which was nothing, but at this point I am getting disappointed with myself. And this time, sadly the reset came not only to M but also to P because I don't know what happened but my blocking software stopped working; I think it was an issue with my device but still, even a payed software is not entirely reliable. Besides, I already figured out how to get around the blocking mechanism in my cellphone because I can just download some apps that counter whatever the software does. Therefore, I have to stop using my cellphone entirely, or block the entire apps application. The conclusion is that avoiding porn is once again entirely up to me.
I have been having some family problems as well, that is not helping me neither. At this point I feel really overwhelmed.
I am having problems with organizing myself and that is also a cause for my relapse.
I feel alone. And I don't lack company. A new woman appeared in my life, nothing has happened between us but she feels different, who knows! I point this out to make emphasis on how alone I feel anyways. I feel trapped deep down somewhere in my own body. I don't think people understand me, no matter how much some may like me, I think I am too deep to be understood. It feels like I reside in the Greek underworld, the Hades.
I will of course once again get back up. But this time I am so tired of the recurring cycle of relapsing once a week that I might just as well succumb to this nightmare or emerge victorious by completely eliminating this addiction from my life once and for all.