CodeTheMind
Active Member
Day 9
Things are going well. Emotions seem to be levelled, I am not as overwhelmingly happy as yesterday but I am almost as good. Keeping myself busy is certainly useful, not just because it helps pass time but because I get to see that everything I am doing is helping me to become a better man in the future, to reach the stage in life I wish to reach. Working for better results is very useful. If I do nothing but wait for succeeding in my recovery life can be a nightmare. Sure, there are moments of the day, especially at night, in which I can only walk around the house waiting for any strong urge to decrease. Another thing I noticed is that I still have the mind of an addict (clearly not a surprise but it is important that I noticed it), I think like an addict who wishes to recover himself and is acting for recovery, but an addict still.
Days are more illuminated, nights are more profound. Smiles come easier, when they do come. I appreciate the people around me and the daily activities much more.
It is funny because in part 9 days is a big achievement for someone who was stuck for years in this addiction on only managed sporadic streaks, and at the same time 9 days is just too little-I do not know exactly how to deal with this duality. I am concerned to be honest, regarding the way I am dealing with days as numbers. One has the goal to reach an entire year, that is one important milestone to measure progress, with smaller milestones of months. But I do not want this to bring me crazy. Besides, this is something I want for the rest of my life. I still need to count to know that I am making progress, each day is a small step to recovery. I think a good approach would be to be humble about it. If my ambition is to be hundreds of days free that is just an ambition, dreams dreams are. There is a Buddhist sutra that goes like this:
Things are going well. Emotions seem to be levelled, I am not as overwhelmingly happy as yesterday but I am almost as good. Keeping myself busy is certainly useful, not just because it helps pass time but because I get to see that everything I am doing is helping me to become a better man in the future, to reach the stage in life I wish to reach. Working for better results is very useful. If I do nothing but wait for succeeding in my recovery life can be a nightmare. Sure, there are moments of the day, especially at night, in which I can only walk around the house waiting for any strong urge to decrease. Another thing I noticed is that I still have the mind of an addict (clearly not a surprise but it is important that I noticed it), I think like an addict who wishes to recover himself and is acting for recovery, but an addict still.
Days are more illuminated, nights are more profound. Smiles come easier, when they do come. I appreciate the people around me and the daily activities much more.
It is funny because in part 9 days is a big achievement for someone who was stuck for years in this addiction on only managed sporadic streaks, and at the same time 9 days is just too little-I do not know exactly how to deal with this duality. I am concerned to be honest, regarding the way I am dealing with days as numbers. One has the goal to reach an entire year, that is one important milestone to measure progress, with smaller milestones of months. But I do not want this to bring me crazy. Besides, this is something I want for the rest of my life. I still need to count to know that I am making progress, each day is a small step to recovery. I think a good approach would be to be humble about it. If my ambition is to be hundreds of days free that is just an ambition, dreams dreams are. There is a Buddhist sutra that goes like this:
I apply this to my current issue and realize that I need to accept the present moment as it is. If I don't do so I will not live this day to its full extension, day 9 has its uniqueness in itself and should be lived, there is no reason to lose attention by dreaming of other days that might come in the future. Thinking of the future is natural in humans, and very useful to drive ourselves to be better and achieve our goals. That doesn't means that the present moment doesn't has anything to teach us, a nectar of life for us to experience.Fast as a horse race, attentive among the carefree, awake while others sleep, swift as a horserace, it leaves its competitors behind. An enlightened person lives reality as it is in its essence, others dream. Although he sleeps, he is awake, alert, attentive. The flame is eternal within him. As you walk along the path you will see that this precept will be embodied in you. And you will see reality as it is and not as it seems. You will become a more objective being for yourself and those around you. And you will take advantage of this transformation in your daily life.