Just told my partner, and I’m very scared of our future.


New Member
Had to get this out somewhere. Never shared anything on a forum like this. I’ll spark notes where I’m at: started watching porn and masturbating in middle school; in the early days of forming my addiction I also had a lot of catholic guilt, which contributed to even more anxiety and, in turn, more dopamine. I’ve departed from my faith a little bit since, but the years went by, and I continued making it a habit of close to once a day.

finally, about a week ago, I began to read your brain on porn, and the knowledge it’s providing me is really helping me feel like I can overcome my addiction and lead myself to a happier, healthier life. I in fact felt so confident in this that, after a mere week of abstinence, I decided to tell my girlfriend of 4 years about my porn addiction—something I never told anyone before.

I tried to educate as much as I could and still provide her with a space to feel everything she was feeling—betrayal, confusion, disappointment. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, and talking through it last night did feel healthy. She spoke from a truthful place of how it made her feel and tried her best to understand me.

but I still can’t shake this overwhelming feeling of embarrassment, and disappointment in myself for hurting her. I’m really scared that I broke the news to her too preemptively and could have permanently stained our relationship. We want to get married in a couple years, and I’m just so scared that I could have jeopardized all of that last night by breaking the news to her. So that’s why I’m here.

anyone have any similar experiences with their partners?


Active Member
Hello Falcon,

I've been married for 33 years and FOUND OUT about it. I will say that from my perspective, being told would be better than finding out. At least you have shared your truth.

The reality is that each SO (significant other) is going to handle it differently. I would suggest that you continue to remain open to her and answer any questions she may have openly and honestly. Also, patience will be essential.

Good luck to both of you.


@Falconpunch99 - Hey - you were honest - and I don’t care if it was brutal or not - you were honest - good on you. Like @Sammyjo above - I “FOUND OUT” after 30 years of marriage (I’m gay and married to another man). The devastation is the single most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life (55 years) - I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My only advice - continue to be honest and answer any and all questions she poses. Its very difficult to “inform oneself” about this addiction - and hearing about the addiction from an addict is pretty fucked up. Direct her here to this board if she wants to see what other Significant others go through/are going through/have gone through. I wish you a lot of luck - and if you do lover her as much as you do - conquer the addiction and show her, in every way, that her reality is so much greater than a fantasy on a TV screen which you will never, ever, come close to having in your life. Keep coming back.