I am confused

[BetterFuture]

I am a straight guy from childhood. I started watching porn from age 11. When I first discovered porn, I enjoyed it very much. Would masturbate to it daily for alteast 4-5 times. But currently, I am unable to leave porn, though I have one successful 90 day reboot in the past year. But the addiction is getting stronger and stronger.

But the problem here is, a couple of months ago, when I was on my 2nd longest streak, where I was on my 72nd day. The couple of days Before that 72nd day, I was having unusual gay thoughts. Remind you I didn't have those kind of weird thoughts in my 23 years of age. Was always talking about girls with my friends. But I don't know where these thoughts came from. But they kept getting stronger. I know from the bottom of my heart, that I am not gay. To decrease my curiosity I watched 4 gay videos, and masturbated once. I knew that it was bad, and I don't want to do it, but my mind was like do it, do it. Since then I haven't watched Gay porn ever. It's about like 2 months, after that I kept watching straight porn till today. But now I am unable to erect my dick stronger, and my dick now doesn't also have morning woods like before. Now I get partially aroused by girls. All the time now suddenly a thought pops into my head to sexualise a good looking man.

I want my old thing back, where I was only excited about girls, having hard and strong morning woods.

I have took this issue to a therapist, but after few sessions, I think she can't solve this.

I never want to become gay, but my mind is instilling thoughts of me being gay. I fear of saying this to anyone close to me, because I fear they would insult me, or demean me, or kick me out of house. I want my old me back. Sorry for repeated words or stuff. I just felt good, writing it all out.

 

[Simon2]

Clear your mind of the filth. A reboot means retraining your brain to not fantasize all the time I think, as well as not actually looking at P. My experience is that the P addiction always needs to escalate to keep the excitement up. You have escalated it to gay P.

Not everyone is the same, but for me it took several months before I started to feel more like myself again. But I haven't done a good job of clearing the fantasies from my brain and after almost six months they still hold a lot of power over me, despite not looking at P.

Also - You don't "become" gay by looking at P. It's just that your mind is looking for every more extreme stimulation. But you know, you may have bi-sexual tendencies that have nothing to do with P. But the addiction is revealing them. I don't think you should be ashamed of that. Maybe you don't want to live this other side of yourself, and clearing the fantasies and focusing on real relationship with real women will help. But it's ok to know that you also have an attraction for men. Who cares? In today's world it should be ok to love whoever you want.

P kills us a bit every day inside. Don't let P be an option anymore. Strength! and welcome!

 

[BetterFuture]

@simon

Clear your mind of the filth. A reboot means retraining your brain to not fantasize all the time I think, as well as not actually looking at P. My experience is that the P addiction always needs to escalate to keep the excitement up. You have escalated it to gay P.

Not everyone is the same, but for me it took several months before I started to feel more like myself again. But I haven't done a good job of clearing the fantasies from my brain and after almost six months they still hold a lot of power over me, despite not looking at P.

Also - You don't "become" gay by looking at P. It's just that your mind is looking for every more extreme stimulation. But you know, you may have bi-sexual tendencies that have nothing to do with P. But the addiction is revealing them. I don't think you should be ashamed of that. Maybe you don't want to live this other side of yourself, and clearing the fantasies and focusing on real relationship with real women will help. But it's ok to know that you also have an attraction for men. Who cares? In today's world it should be ok to love whoever you want.

P kills us a bit every day inside. Don't let P be an option anymore. Strength! and welcome!

Thanks, Man. That was helpful. I hope we all get free from this pitiful content. Power to you bro.

 

[KetchupDrool]

@BetterFuture
P is a drug, 4x's more addictive than heroin. I know from the past while I used P, it would escalate to new types of genres, including homosexual P. Yes I'm straight, married, four children, but I needed something else, more taboo in my mind to excite me. After that wasn't enough, I started soliciting myself on CL to receive sexual favors from either m/f. It didn't matter; I needed to get my fix somehow.

You're not alone in this fight. You're no different from any other guy who's watched P and has escalated to something they thought they'd never do.

 

[BetterFuture]

@BetterFuture
P is a drug, 4x's more addictive than heroin. I know from the past while I used P, it would escalate to new types of genres, including homosexual P. Yes I'm straight, married, four children, but I needed something else, more taboo in my mind to excite me. After that wasn't enough, I started soliciting myself on CL to receive sexual favors from either m/f. It didn't matter; I needed to get my fix somehow.

You're not alone in this fight. You're no different from any other guy who's watched P and has escalated to something they thought they'd never do.

I needed this, thanks bro.