Hi!
Yesterday I forgot to post, but that's because I was busy and spending a lot of time outside of my home.
Still, it helps me to write at least a few lines, I will try to post here dialy just to keep acountable.
I had quite some urges yesterday. I was also very nervous and all over the place. Uneasy and irritable, with a very overexcited brain. I guess that's my abstinence syndrom, or at least the downfall after the high of relapsing.
Good things are that today I feel a lot better, my mind is a lot clearer. I will go to the gym after this and then I'll meet with a friend to read (she has to study, and I have some books on my list).
I'm happy I could handle the abstinence syndroms. going outside my house and meeting people or going to the gym is what worked for me.
In case I have some urges today, I have my protocol:
-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends, try to be in company.
I also wanted a moment to write about the positive changes that are happening in my life, since I've been only writting about the negative stuff lately.
I have been eating a lot better and I have gave up a lot of cumpulsiveness in eating. I still struggle, but there is progress. The same thing goes with my phone. I have been managging to reduce use of it over time, and although I still struggle with it, there is progress. I feel more in control, and is becoming easier and easier to say no to crolling down on youtube and impulsive stuff like that. I'm begining to realize the harmful effect it has in my life and I'm getting better at choosing something different.
Regarding my depression, sometime it hits me hard, but I'm handeling it in a very different way as I used to. Now I try more to accept my situation and to cope with it in the best way I can. This new attitude has helped me a lot trhough these months, and although it is never easy, I feel better. I'm improving and is becoming easier and easier. It feels like I'm finnally leaving things behind, even if there is still a long way to go. Not to say everything is colour pink, sometimes it's just crap, not gonna lie, haha.
Also I feel better. Like, I feel I'm more free emotionally, I can feel my emotions and express myself more easily. It's like things are becoming more and more clear in me. I feel like I can connect/relate better with people. Is not always like this, again, but there's improvement. I can only hope that this tendency continues into the future. This last year has been very extrange for me, there has been a lot of changes in my life. it feels like positive changes are happening very slowly but steadily, and I cannot wait for all the good things to come.
But, let's commit to another day of no P. All the positive changes are because I fight every day against my addiction and I commit every single day to make thiings better for me.
No P, no subtitues, and no fantasies. I will use my "protocol" if I have urges, and I will be speaically careful when going to sleep and waking up next morning.
I could relapse anymoment, that's why it's important for me to make this commitment every single day.
See you tomorrow guys!
Yesterday I forgot to post, but that's because I was busy and spending a lot of time outside of my home.
Still, it helps me to write at least a few lines, I will try to post here dialy just to keep acountable.
I had quite some urges yesterday. I was also very nervous and all over the place. Uneasy and irritable, with a very overexcited brain. I guess that's my abstinence syndrom, or at least the downfall after the high of relapsing.
Good things are that today I feel a lot better, my mind is a lot clearer. I will go to the gym after this and then I'll meet with a friend to read (she has to study, and I have some books on my list).
I'm happy I could handle the abstinence syndroms. going outside my house and meeting people or going to the gym is what worked for me.
In case I have some urges today, I have my protocol:
-Stay away from my phone and computer for 5 min.
-take a couple of deep breaths
- ask myself what I'm doing and how I'm dealing with the urges.
-if I'm alone, go outside my house (to the park, to do groceries, to a gym, to the cinema, to visit a friend, to a cafe, wherever)
-if I cannot go out, call my family or friends, try to be in company.
I also wanted a moment to write about the positive changes that are happening in my life, since I've been only writting about the negative stuff lately.
I have been eating a lot better and I have gave up a lot of cumpulsiveness in eating. I still struggle, but there is progress. The same thing goes with my phone. I have been managging to reduce use of it over time, and although I still struggle with it, there is progress. I feel more in control, and is becoming easier and easier to say no to crolling down on youtube and impulsive stuff like that. I'm begining to realize the harmful effect it has in my life and I'm getting better at choosing something different.
Regarding my depression, sometime it hits me hard, but I'm handeling it in a very different way as I used to. Now I try more to accept my situation and to cope with it in the best way I can. This new attitude has helped me a lot trhough these months, and although it is never easy, I feel better. I'm improving and is becoming easier and easier. It feels like I'm finnally leaving things behind, even if there is still a long way to go. Not to say everything is colour pink, sometimes it's just crap, not gonna lie, haha.
Also I feel better. Like, I feel I'm more free emotionally, I can feel my emotions and express myself more easily. It's like things are becoming more and more clear in me. I feel like I can connect/relate better with people. Is not always like this, again, but there's improvement. I can only hope that this tendency continues into the future. This last year has been very extrange for me, there has been a lot of changes in my life. it feels like positive changes are happening very slowly but steadily, and I cannot wait for all the good things to come.
But, let's commit to another day of no P. All the positive changes are because I fight every day against my addiction and I commit every single day to make thiings better for me.
No P, no subtitues, and no fantasies. I will use my "protocol" if I have urges, and I will be speaically careful when going to sleep and waking up next morning.
I could relapse anymoment, that's why it's important for me to make this commitment every single day.
See you tomorrow guys!