A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

[Winnerwhoabstains]

Great job Trisquel keep up the good work! Try and post more so we can hear your progress! Also when things are going well is a good time to double down on what is working!

Also - of COURSE the bs interests are from porn - the porn addiction can lie that this is stuff we "really like" but when we look back often so much of what porn makes us "think" we like disgusted us in the past.


I heard a cool quote about overcoming sex/ porn addiction we want to find what allows us to feel "good before during AND after". So even if porn wired some junky interests into our brain-as humans we can use our power of choice to feed the things that make us feel good before during AND after and avoid things that harm our souls.

Happy new year and cheers to a great 2023!

 

[TypeN]

Day 31/45

It´s been a long time since I last posted, I have been very busy!
I came to my home country to visit my family for new years, and I was with friends and my girlfriend for Crishtmas, it was a good time. It´s been difficult, as I mentioned before but somehow it is going well.

Now I´m back at my home, wich can be stressfull sometimes, but I´m looking foward to have some rest for some weeks.

I have been so busy that I haven´t had time to fantasize about porn. I did M to fantasies once, but that was it. I´m not sure if that should count as a relapse, I don´t think I´m going to do so, because that would be ignoring the progress I´ve been making. I´m stuggling still with fantasies and hurges. Just a couple of minutes ago I was thinking "man, I could use some porn". Sometimes is hard to say no to fantasies and thoughts about porn. I have to be strict and carefull about it! Now is time to keep going in the right direction, to remember that I want to quit porn and why I want to do it, and to just let the urges go away. Now I feel is the hardest part of quitting porn, when there are more urges and you have to remember why you are doing this, because is very easy to forget.

Btw, I´ve passed the 30 days mark!
That´s a great achivement, specially if you compare it with my first post.
I will put another milestone at 45 days, I don´t feel confident enough about putting it to 60, but I do have a hunch is gonna be fine. Just let´s keep going this way and keeping the tendency.

a few rules for myself this days:
-No P fantasies
-if you discover yourself in a fantasy, just get out of there however you can
-No M
-In case of huges urges, go outside and take a cold shower afterwards.

Also I keep struggling with social media. Luckyly I think I´m more conciuss about it every time. I got myself a NOKIA phone, and I will switch to it tomorrow afternoon (before that I need it to make a road trip). I will use social media in my laptop. The idea is to sit down specifically to do that, without using it all day long. I will keep my smartphone because is still usefull, but only for specific tasks. I will try this for a month, until february next year, and see how it goes.

Thanks to all of you that are reading, and to those giving some words of encouragment, is really great to have yoyu around here, and it helps to go trhough this.

Cheers,
have a happy new year

Big ups on passing the one month mark man. I relate to the constant feeling of struggle/need for discipline, but you're doing many good things for yourself, with the phone, social media, and so on, that will be a big help. Keep it going dude and happy new year.

 

[Trisquel]

Great job Trisquel keep up the good work! Try and post more so we can hear your progress! Also when things are going well is a good time to double down on what is working!

Also - of COURSE the bs interests are from porn - the porn addiction can lie that this is stuff we "really like" but when we look back often so much of what porn makes us "think" we like disgusted us in the past.


I heard a cool quote about overcoming sex/ porn addiction we want to find what allows us to feel "good before during AND after". So even if porn wired some junky interests into our brain-as humans we can use our power of choice to feed the things that make us feel good before during AND after and avoid things that harm our souls.

Happy new year and cheers to a great 2023!

Thank you for your kind words!

I really like that idea, it can be a good and simple criteria to tell what's healthy and what's not, I will keep it in mind!

Have a happy new years, cheers.

 

[Trisquel]

Big ups on passing the one month mark man. I relate to the constant feeling of struggle/need for discipline, but you're doing many good things for yourself, with the phone, social media, and so on, that will be a big help. Keep it going dude and happy new year.

Thank you TypeN!

Have a happy new year, I hope you are doing fine,

Cheers!!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 41/45

Hello!

I haven't been posting since I've been very busy with some family holidays. I had a great time, I just spend some days with my family, which I only saw for a week last year.

I'm almost in the 45 day branch, wich is great.
This morning I was M and edging to P fantasies, which was quite bad, but I got to remember why I'm doing this, and I don't want to quit noe that I've come so far.

Still I have to be careful with fantasies, urges, and substitutes, as social media.

Cheers!!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 44/45

Yesterday I did a mistake: I was M to P fantaises, I was edging until I almost O. I didn´t completly O, but it was very close, I stopped when I realized what I was doing.
Shall I count this as a relapse?
I´m not sure.

This has helped me decide a policy of 0 tolerance. No M, no fantaises. whenever there is one, I just stop.
If I´m in doubt why I´m doing this, I can always read the firsst post of this tread.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

Trisquel, thanks for sharing! In my humble opinion, this isn't a relapse. First because no actual P, and also because you didn't O - this means that you didn't give your brain the reward it was seeking and you sent a STOP signal. So, good job for battling this!

 

[Trisquel]

Trisquel, thanks for sharing! In my humble opinion, this isn't a relapse. First because no actual P, and also because you didn't O - this means that you didn't give your brain the reward it was seeking and you sent a STOP signal. So, good job for battling this!

Thanks for your kind words, I think I won't restart my counter.
Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 47/60

On the path towards two months!

Today I've seen some triggers on social media. I'm having some urges right now, and I'm thinking I could really whatch some porn.
But I know I won't, is good to notice this things, give them some space and let them be.

Let's keep trying,
0 tolerance to fantasies and M.

Cheers!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

Hey Trisquel. Be strong! What could you do instead of watching P when you see these triggers on social media? What else would make you feel good?

 

[Trisquel]

Day 0/15

Hello ya'all.

I´m sorry to tell you that I had a flip this morning.
I didn´t watch porn, but I MO to a porn substitude after a few days of "using it" At some point I had urges to watch P and it was a very similar sensation that disrupted my daily life, so I´m counting this as a relapse.

It started a couple of days ago when I was M to P fantasies. The fantasies were very strong and it was hard to keep them away. Specially on bed, before sleeping. This was disrupting enough, and I it sets me back on my recovery. After a night when I M to fantasies a lot, I was feeling uneasy, with urges and a similar sensation to watching P (I think because of the dopamine rush). It was disrupting and uneasy in the morning and trhough the day, and it led my to use a P substitude all the way trhough the next day
.
Then I discovered a new porn substitude: Browsing for toys in an online sex shop. It sounds very stupid, but I was talking wiht my Girldfriend about buying something, and I started browsing and it hook me almost inmediatly. I´ve been browsing the webpage a lot, fantasizing and M to it. Finally, this morning I did M while browsing the webpage and I O.

This left me with a physical sensation very similar to watching P, and it has similar effects on me, and is obviusly the same pattern. The only difference is that instead of P I´m using a subtitude.

I think is clear I have to be more careful with fantasies, as they lead me to use subtitudes and ultimatly to P.
I will put from now own fantasies and P substitudes in the same sack as P: they are dangers that keep me down in my addiction, I can not consider them any longer to be benign or okay to do sometimes.

No fantasies, no substitues, they are essentially the same as P.

For now I have planned a few things to keep me on track:

-No screens past 23.00
-No mobile phone before breakfast.

This is to create a good sleeping routine, something I sometimes strugle with, and that I feel is hugeley benefitial.

Also, If I stugle with fantasies, or substitudes or urges:

-cold shower
-I come directly to RN and I post about it and read a bit the forum.

I hope this works to tackle down urges and fantasies. I stugle with that part, I´m open to suggestions.
It is specially hard on the moments before sleeping, when I´m in bed.

Also, I will keep filling my life with rewarding things that make it worth it. I´m doing some work to get together all I need to go back to University. (I need to arrange the documents and do and english proficency test), I´m looking for a job that suits me better and I already have an interview, I´m enrolling in a climbing gym (I need some physical activity), and I´m going too visit my girlfriend on the weekend. I will also try to start a new musical project.
Hopefully I´ll start meeting more people in my new city as I start new activities.

Any advice is welcome, thanks a lot for all your support, it really helps, and I think I couldn´t have been so much time without relapsing if it was not because of this forum.
Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

Hey Trisquel. Be strong! What could you do instead of watching P when you see these triggers on social media? What else would make you feel good?

Hi @the_mountain_goat
Thanks for the question, I need to figure that out!
I´m trying to find healthy substitudes to the dopamine rush of P, like socialicing, or sporting.

When I have a sudden urge I will try to take a cold shower and write about it here, I hope that helps to tackle that down.

Also, in the moment, I think just shutting down social media, getting up and going to do something else, like having a walk, a shower, call a friend, or doing something different, even if I don´t want to and what I really want to do is keep on social media.

I hope that helps, I´m open to any suggestions, what works for you?

cheers!

 

[TypeN]

Day 0/15

Hello ya'all.

I´m sorry to tell you that I had a flip this morning.
I didn´t watch porn, but I MO to a porn substitude after a few days of "using it" At some point I had urges to watch P and it was a very similar sensation that disrupted my daily life, so I´m counting this as a relapse.

It started a couple of days ago when I was M to P fantasies. The fantasies were very strong and it was hard to keep them away. Specially on bed, before sleeping. This was disrupting enough, and I it sets me back on my recovery. After a night when I M to fantasies a lot, I was feeling uneasy, with urges and a similar sensation to watching P (I think because of the dopamine rush). It was disrupting and uneasy in the morning and trhough the day, and it led my to use a P substitude all the way trhough the next day
.
They I discovered a new porn substitude: Browsing for toys in an online sex shop. It sounds very stupid, but I was talking wiht my Girldfriend about buying something, and I started browsing and it hook my almost inmediatly. I´ve been browsing the webpage a lot, fantasizing and M to it. Finally, this morning I did M while browsing the webpage and I O.

This left me with a physical sensation very similar to watching P, and it has similar effects on me, and is obviusly the same pattern. The only difference is that instead of P I´m using a subtitude.

I think is clear I have to be more careful with fantasies, as they lead me to use subtitudes and ultimatly to P.
I will out from now own fantasies and P substitudes in the same sack as P: they are dangers that keep me down in my addiction, I cannot consider them any longer benign or okay to do sometimes.

No fantasies, no substitues, they are esseantialy the same as P.

For now I have planned a few things to keep me on track:

-No screens past 23.00
-No mobile phone before breakfast.

This is to create a good sleeping routine, something I sometimes strugle with, and that I feel is hugeley benefitial.

Also, If I stugle with fantasies, or substitudes or urges:

-cold shower
-I come directly to RN and I post about it and read some post

I hope this works to tackle urges and fantasies. I stugle with that part, I´m open to suggestions.
It is specially hard on the moments before sleeping, when I´m in bed.

Also, I will keep filling my life with rewarding things that make it worth it. I´m doing some work to get together all I need to go back to University. (I need to arragne the documents and do and english proficency test), I´m looking for a job that suits me better and I already have an interview, I´m enrolling in a climbing gym (I need some physical activity), and I´m going too visit my girlfriend on the weekend. I will also look to start a new musical project.
Hopefully I´ll start meeting more people in my new city as I start new activities.

Any advice is welcome, thanks a lot for all your support, it really helps, and I think I couldn´t have been so much time without relapsing if it was not because of this forum.
Cheers!

Hey man -- big respect for being honest with yourself and with us about what happened. I'll just say what I've been told a few times here when I have struggled with relapses: just because you had this incident, does not mean that you're back to square one. You've been doing great this past month and a half and have certainly experienced some healing. This was just a bump in the road.

By the way, I have done the exact same thing -- not recently but a year or so ago, with buying sex toys. Unlike you I was in denial about it the first time it happened, and it took me wasting money to realize and stop it. So props to you for seeing what you were doing clearly the first time.

Anyway, because you are rightfully being thoughtful about understanding how it happened and what you can do to prevent it, I am confident you can pick yourself right back up and keep going. Sounds like you've got a lot of great things planned for your daily life in the coming weeks. Keep us posted!

 

[Trisquel]

0/15

Hello guys.
I´m very ashamed to admit that I relapsed this morning again, I did MO to a fantasie.

I could not count it as a reward since is no actual P, but it is a substitude that leads me to P, so I want to reset the counter.

I feel ashamed an a bit angry. I keep forgetting all the reasons I don´t want porn in my life, or how badly it has affected me.

But anyway, I did it once and my determination is the same, let´s just do it one more time. If I could be free for almost two months, then I can do that again!.

Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

Hey man -- big respect for being honest with yourself and with us about what happened. I'll just say what I've been told a few times here when I have struggled with relapses: just because you had this incident, does not mean that you're back to square one. You've been doing great this past month and a half and have certainly experienced some healing. This was just a bump in the road.

By the way, I have done the exact same thing -- not recently but a year or so ago, with buying sex toys. Unlike you I was in denial about it the first time it happened, and it took me wasting money to realize and stop it. So props to you for seeing what you were doing clearly the first time.

Anyway, because you are rightfully being thoughtful about understanding how it happened and what you can do to prevent it, I am confident you can pick yourself right back up and keep going. Sounds like you've got a lot of great things planned for your daily life in the coming weeks. Keep us posted!

Thank you @TypeN

I´m afraid the first day things haven´t go very well, haha, but I hoe to post about better things soon.

Thanks for the support )

 

[TypeN]

Thank you @TypeN

I´m afraid the first day things haven´t go very well, haha, but I hoe to post about better things soon.

Thanks for the support )

No worries my friend and my pleasure. I don't mean to place pressure on you!

Keep us updated when you're ready.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

Hey Trisquel. I hope you're OK. You can do this! One day at the time. Try not to feel ashamed, we're fighting a hard battle. Perhaps re-read your journey here. I find it helps. Take notes, see what stands out. I suggested the same thing to TypeN. To me, it's super useful as it helps me step back from the day I'm in and helps me look at the bigger picture. Find some lessons learned. Some patterns etc.

 

[Trisquel]

Day 8/15

Hello There!

This week I have been working a lot, which is why I didn´t post, I will try to change that! One good thing is that I was very busy and didn´t had a lot of time to commit to fantasies.

Today I had urges and fantasies in the morning, but I was able to stop it (not imediatly though) and take a cold shower. The moments when I just woke up and when I go to bed are the most dangerous to me.

I have realized that here I post mainly about the negative things that affect my reboot, but I never say anything about the positive changes I see, and I would like to change that.
First of all, the relationship with my girlfriend has improved. Before, when I had sex with her I would feel shame because of all the P I was consuming at the time, but that´s not longer the case. Sex is better now, and I can O simply from the act itself, without fantasies, which feels amazing. Also we can have sex without thinking about reaching the O, focusing more on giving pleasure to each other. I don´t think that attitude has to do with my reboot, but it is a thing that we naturally tend to do. It feels very good, and makes sex more intimate and sweet, which i really enjoy. As a side effect, I guess it helps with my rewiring, haha.

Also, this week I have re-started Climbing. I am now enrolled in a gym and in a bouldering class, and it feels great to do some physical activity again.
I started doing intermitent fasting this week. I feel it gives me more energy and it also helps me to be more conscius about food, which is something I struggle with, because I eat always very compulsively.
Also, the enrollement in university is going good, I have some clear options and the paperwork is working fine. Now I´m studying to pass a English proficiency test wich I need to do.

I feel more upbeat this days, with more energy and motivation to do the things I need to do, and enjoying more overall. I don´t now how much of it it has to do with my reboot, and how much with other stuff, but I know that I couldn´t be like this if I would still be hooked to porn. I´m looking foward to leave this addiction behind me once and for all, and to all the things there are to do out there. Is not alway easy, but I´m trying.

No worries my friend and my pleasure. I don't mean to place pressure on you!

Keep us updated when you're ready.

Thanks for your kind words, @TypeN!

Hey Trisquel. I hope you're OK. You can do this! One day at the time. Try not to feel ashamed, we're fighting a hard battle. Perhaps re-read your journey here. I find it helps. Take notes, see what stands out. I suggested the same thing to TypeN. To me, it's super useful as it helps me step back from the day I'm in and helps me look at the bigger picture. Find some lessons learned. Some patterns etc.

And thanks @the_mountain_goat for checking out on me.

Thanks overall for all the support, this forum is a great tool that has helped me be on track this months. I hope to keep posting more positive changes in the future.

Thanks a lot to you guys, and keep strong,
Cheers.

 

[the_mountain_goat]

Hey Trisquel.

So glad to read this!

You're very right about focusing on the positive things. Teach your brain about what makes you happy; and then it will lead you naturally in those directions. Congrats on the improving relationship and sex! I like to see people cultivating gratitude in their lives, and I feel like the more you do it, the more you brain encourages positive things to happen.

Good that you stopped the urge this morning!

And, of course, I'm STOKED that you're going to the climbing gym. I find it to be such a good tool for physical well-being and social well-being too (I like how you feel surrounded by nice people, it's easy to make connections 'Oh, show me how you've done this etc.').

 

[Trisquel]

Day 10/15

Hi!

Just checking in, nothing exciting to post about. (Which is good, I guess).

I had some fantasies on the morning yesterday, but I got a cold shower and it was okay for the rest of the day. The moments when I'm lazily waking up and going to bed are the most triggering, I Have to remind myself that.

I start a new job in a restaurant today, in a few min, which will give a little bit more stability to my life.
I hope this job is fine.

Cheers!