the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Good luck with the new job Trisquel, may it bring you stability, a rhythm for your life, and some satisfaction! 
A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring
- Thread starter Trisquel
- Start date
Day 0/15
Hi guys!
I´m sad to tell I relapsed this afternoon (I M'd to fantasies).
I didn´t watch any porn, but I still want to count this as a relapse, since fantasies are a substitude that will lead me back to P.
I think is clear that I relapsed because I was tired and feeling depresed (I´ve been struggling with depression for years). I had been feeling low for a couple of days, and i didn´t sleept enough last night. This two things led to coping mechanisms, such as overeating junk food, and browsing compulsivley social media.
I think those behaviours are linked to my addiction, since they are also sources of easy dopamine that I go to when I feel bad.
I´m trying not to be angry at myself, but to learn from it.
I need to treat my addiction as a whole, taking care of myself in all aspects, specially when I´m feeling low; and that includes eating and sleeping well, taking rest if needed, and don´t engangin in addictive-like behaviours (social media, compulsive eating). That´s important as well for treating my addiction and feeling better.
Now is time to remember that this trip is not supposed to be easy and that is going to be painfull sometimes, and that´s okay.
I hope I have better news to report soon, still trying!!
My girlfriend comes this evening to visit me for a day, so I will jsut try to have a good time with her.
Cheers!
Hi guys!
I´m sad to tell I relapsed this afternoon (I M'd to fantasies).
I didn´t watch any porn, but I still want to count this as a relapse, since fantasies are a substitude that will lead me back to P.
I think is clear that I relapsed because I was tired and feeling depresed (I´ve been struggling with depression for years). I had been feeling low for a couple of days, and i didn´t sleept enough last night. This two things led to coping mechanisms, such as overeating junk food, and browsing compulsivley social media.
I think those behaviours are linked to my addiction, since they are also sources of easy dopamine that I go to when I feel bad.
I´m trying not to be angry at myself, but to learn from it.
I need to treat my addiction as a whole, taking care of myself in all aspects, specially when I´m feeling low; and that includes eating and sleeping well, taking rest if needed, and don´t engangin in addictive-like behaviours (social media, compulsive eating). That´s important as well for treating my addiction and feeling better.
Now is time to remember that this trip is not supposed to be easy and that is going to be painfull sometimes, and that´s okay.
I hope I have better news to report soon, still trying!!
My girlfriend comes this evening to visit me for a day, so I will jsut try to have a good time with her.
Cheers!
Day 2/15
Hi guys!
Just checking in.
These days were very nice, just chilling a bit with my girl.
I´m at the same time feeling anxiety. Nothing special, it happens to me from time to time. I´m just trying to stay cool and let it pass away.
This weekend I work a lot, looking foward to that.
the climbing is going fine, I´m happy about that.
Cheers!
Hi guys!
Just checking in.
These days were very nice, just chilling a bit with my girl.
I´m at the same time feeling anxiety. Nothing special, it happens to me from time to time. I´m just trying to stay cool and let it pass away.
This weekend I work a lot, looking foward to that.
the climbing is going fine, I´m happy about that.
Cheers!
You are right, I hope so too! Thanks!Good luck with the new job Trisquel, may it bring you stability, a rhythm for your life, and some satisfaction!
Thank you! I will need it!Echoing the well wishes -- good luck with your new job man! That can be both an exciting and a stressful time. Wishing you strength.
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Good luck with the new job I'm sure you won't die!!!
I'm sure you won't die!!!Day 4/15
Hi guys!
Just cheking in, nothing new to report.
I had some sexual thoughts, but I realized they were just irrational, and popping out just because of force of habit.
I felt a bit sad tonight, The schedule for next week is just depressing, and I haven´t seen my friends in a while, nor I have time to study, or even to cook something, which worries me. I overate some cookies after dinner. But it was not a lot, and it has been worse in the past. At least I was conscious it was just an stupid coping mecahnisim for my negative feelings, which is something.
Any way, better days will come after some shitty days of work, I´m sure of it.
Hi guys!
Just cheking in, nothing new to report.
I had some sexual thoughts, but I realized they were just irrational, and popping out just because of force of habit.
I felt a bit sad tonight, The schedule for next week is just depressing, and I haven´t seen my friends in a while, nor I have time to study, or even to cook something, which worries me. I overate some cookies after dinner. But it was not a lot, and it has been worse in the past. At least I was conscious it was just an stupid coping mecahnisim for my negative feelings, which is something.
Any way, better days will come after some shitty days of work, I´m sure of it.
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Thanks! I hope you are right, I´m already very tired, hahaGood luck with the new job
Day 5/15
Hello there.
Just reporting, I'm trying to post more often to keep track of this fight and don't forget that I'm an addict in recovery.
Nothing interesting today sexually.
My work is actually fine and I will make it through the week.
Still a little bit sad, but I'm trying to taking it slowly, instead of falling in the same depressive and binging behaviour as always.
For now I'm just listening to music and I will go to the climbing gym to take my weekly class.
I'm considering to limit my phone usage. It doesn't feel healthy, I could read more instead, or pay attention to other things than my screen.
That's all for today,
Cheers, and best whishes
Hello there.
Just reporting, I'm trying to post more often to keep track of this fight and don't forget that I'm an addict in recovery.
Nothing interesting today sexually.
My work is actually fine and I will make it through the week.
Still a little bit sad, but I'm trying to taking it slowly, instead of falling in the same depressive and binging behaviour as always.
For now I'm just listening to music and I will go to the climbing gym to take my weekly class.
I'm considering to limit my phone usage. It doesn't feel healthy, I could read more instead, or pay attention to other things than my screen.
That's all for today,
Cheers, and best whishes
Good for you, man! Could be a good thing reducing phone usage. It is ridiculous if you think about it how we all came to thinking that we have to online all the time. Nice that you have that positive attitude going on
You and me both bud -- you're not alone. I've been struggling with a lot of the same triggers this week.
Hope you can stay positive man, you've got a lot on your plate and you've been doing very admirably.
Thank you! Is very encouraging to hear those words.
I´m sorry to hear from your relapse, remember that this don´t take away all the improvements that you are making!
Best whishes, I hope you can stay positive as well
Day 2/15
Hello guys!
These two days after my relapse have been good.
I´m finally free from work (was very tyring, but I managed!) and I get some days to rest, which I´m spending with friends and visiting my girlfriend.
From this relapse I got a couple of positive things, which gives me courage.
I realized that sometimes what I crave is that dopamine rush, and that I look for it in different sources (Mainly compulsive phone use and unheathy food bingin).
I am able to look at my phone for hours without joy or actuall interest, just craving novelty, and I can eat a lot without feeling good about it, not knowing very well why I do that.
This mostly happens when I´m feeling depressed, tired, or when I experience some negative feelings (triggers for these behaviours).
My brain then craves these dopamine rushes, and jumps to my phone, or to food. Is not the social media or the junk food what I really want, is the dopamine rush itself, because I think it will make me feel better. I can then enter into this mode of "fuck it, I´m gonna do it, even if I know it is gonna hurt me, it just feels good".
But in the end it doesn´t, and it is just painful.
Those dopamine-rush urges and those behaviours lead me to P, since P is just another way of getting those rushes.
All of this made me realize that I cannot let P go without also letting go these behaviours, since they are all part of the same thing!
I think now of my addiction as a more hollistic thing, I´m really addicted to the dopamine rush that P, junk food, or social media can give me. Is funny how these things leave me with a very similar feeling.
Now I realize that healthy eating, taking care of my body, and letting these compulsive behaviours go are a very important part of fighting P.
Thanks, you are absolutle right!! I´m happy because I think I got some helpful insights from this relapse.
From now on every time I feel like I´m going in a dopamine binging behaviour I will do a simple meditation exercise (simply focusing on my breathing and on what I´m feeling in the moment), letting the urge go.
I will engage more in healthy alternatives (mainly eating better and getting some rest from the phone -reading, for example), I know from experience that doing so is much more rewarding that the dopamine rush, even if it doesn´t feel that way on the moment.
I do have to keep in mind that in the moment, when I feel like that, any other thing that engangin in a Dopamine binge seems like crap, and that it´ll be hard to get out of that spot, but I can anticipate that.
I´m really looking foward to hit the two weeks mark again, and then the one month mark. i was feeling pesimistic about it after my relapse, but I will just do it, this relapse doesn´t take away all my previous progress.
thanks for reading and beeing there, Cheers!!
Hello guys!
These two days after my relapse have been good.
I´m finally free from work (was very tyring, but I managed!) and I get some days to rest, which I´m spending with friends and visiting my girlfriend.
From this relapse I got a couple of positive things, which gives me courage.
I realized that sometimes what I crave is that dopamine rush, and that I look for it in different sources (Mainly compulsive phone use and unheathy food bingin).
I am able to look at my phone for hours without joy or actuall interest, just craving novelty, and I can eat a lot without feeling good about it, not knowing very well why I do that.
This mostly happens when I´m feeling depressed, tired, or when I experience some negative feelings (triggers for these behaviours).
My brain then craves these dopamine rushes, and jumps to my phone, or to food. Is not the social media or the junk food what I really want, is the dopamine rush itself, because I think it will make me feel better. I can then enter into this mode of "fuck it, I´m gonna do it, even if I know it is gonna hurt me, it just feels good".
But in the end it doesn´t, and it is just painful.
Those dopamine-rush urges and those behaviours lead me to P, since P is just another way of getting those rushes.
All of this made me realize that I cannot let P go without also letting go these behaviours, since they are all part of the same thing!
I think now of my addiction as a more hollistic thing, I´m really addicted to the dopamine rush that P, junk food, or social media can give me. Is funny how these things leave me with a very similar feeling.
Now I realize that healthy eating, taking care of my body, and letting these compulsive behaviours go are a very important part of fighting P.
All of those are common triggers, so you're not the first to trip over them.
Thanks, you are absolutle right!! I´m happy because I think I got some helpful insights from this relapse.
From now on every time I feel like I´m going in a dopamine binging behaviour I will do a simple meditation exercise (simply focusing on my breathing and on what I´m feeling in the moment), letting the urge go.
I will engage more in healthy alternatives (mainly eating better and getting some rest from the phone -reading, for example), I know from experience that doing so is much more rewarding that the dopamine rush, even if it doesn´t feel that way on the moment.
I do have to keep in mind that in the moment, when I feel like that, any other thing that engangin in a Dopamine binge seems like crap, and that it´ll be hard to get out of that spot, but I can anticipate that.
I´m really looking foward to hit the two weeks mark again, and then the one month mark. i was feeling pesimistic about it after my relapse, but I will just do it, this relapse doesn´t take away all my previous progress.
thanks for reading and beeing there, Cheers!!
I relate to this so strongly, and it's something I've been seeing more clearly about porn lately too. It's really 99% not for sexual release (otherwise we'd just get it done and move on), it's about the constant stream of novelty and dopamine that watching porn lets us access. So the same applies for food and social media, as you say.
With that said I think it's ok to want thrills sometimes too, or excitement -- natural kinds. Maybe some of your healthy activities could also be exciting too? Not just calming or grounding (although of course those are great things to have!). Just a thought.
Hey, good to know you feel better and staying positive on making progress. Maybe you'll make a break from social media (at least on the phone), if they affect you or trigger you and put you into depression mode. They always seem important and instant (kinda like PMO urges), but they usually not.