A Long time battle that I need to stop ignoring

[Trisquel]

Day 6/14

Thanks for all your words guys, they are of great help!!


This days have been very busy. I have had urges and sexual thoughts, but nothing important that I couldn't manage.

I'm committing quite well to my habits. The most difficult part is my relationship to food, I believe, but step by step!

My girlfriend has been visiting me these days and we had some good time! Very pleasant days, and a lot of rewiring

I'm having problems with my work, but I'm trying to manage, my gf is very supportive and that's nice. Hopefully these following weeks will be better. I will try to find a new better job in the future, this is just fine until I complete my English exam, but I don't think I'll stay long term here.


That's all for now, moving slowly but steady in the right path!

Thanks again for all your support!!!

 

[Trisquel]

day 12/14

Hello guys.

Yesterday I almost had a relapse. I was M to fantasies, and I almost O, but I could stop last second. Before that I was binging on youtube and junk food, which are P substitudes for me.
It was clearly because I was overworked and exausted, I was feeling like crap and I managed that with junk food, which started a dopamine binging spiral. Also I had a very frustrating call with my gf then, wich didn´t helped a lot.

So, I have realized I need a plan for when I´m in that kind of situations. For the moment I´ve got this:
-surrounf myself with friends, even if I don´t feel like it, and tell them how I´m feeling. It helps a lot.
-Sleep! allow myself to take some rest.
-No screens. Youtube and social media only make me feel more exausted.
-take rest from work, don´t work so much (next week will be already a lot better)
-Don´t be too hard on myself, allow myself to feel tired/like crap
-Cook something cozy and healthy (and avoid junk foods)

I hope this will help next time. I´m not counting this as a relapse because I was able to consiusly say no to P. Also I´m happy because the binging with food and youtube was not as bad as in the past, so there´s still a progress, however shitty it is.




On other matter of things, my gf and I decided to break up this morning.
We made a videocall and we were discussings some dinamycs of the relationship that were not working and making the same of us feel like crap. It feels very shitty because we didn´t have an argument, and we still love each other and care for one another a lot, but we both could see that maybe our thing is not working very well for the both of us.
I feel sad because I have also lost her family and friends, which were a great support for me (I moved to her country half a year ago), and now I just feel very lonely and sad.
But I´m just accepting it as it comes and I´m not running away from it with substitudes or numbing things. I think I´m dealing with my emotions in a healthy way, and that is nice.
I already told some of my friends, and I will get in touch with my family tonight. I will make an effort not to isolate myself and to keep brunging positive things to my table.

I hope you all are doing fantastic,
Best of whises,

Trisquel

 

[TypeN]

Sorry to hear about the breakup my friend. But you will get through this, and you have a fantastic attitude despite things being tough right now: accepting and not running away, surrounding yourself with friends, not isolating yourself. This is a big moment, but it's moments like these that your sobriety has been preparing you for, learning to process life without addiction.

If your ex-girlfriend's people won't be in your life anymore, you will find new ones! You are a good guy who's working hard to put his life together. That kind of positive energy attracts company.

Stay strong Trisquel.

 

[Trisquel]

Sorry to hear about the breakup my friend. But you will get through this, and you have a fantastic attitude despite things being tough right now: accepting and not running away, surrounding yourself with friends, not isolating yourself. This is a big moment, but it's moments like these that your sobriety has been preparing you for, learning to process life without addiction.

If your ex-girlfriend's people won't be in your life anymore, you will find new ones! You are a good guy who's working hard to put his life together. That kind of positive energy attracts company.

Stay strong Trisquel.

Thanks, I appreciate it <3

 

[Trisquel]

Day 13/14

Almost two weeks!

Just checking in. I have had some slippery behaviours recently and I´m feeling urges at the moment. I feel a relapse coming.

Now that I have broke up with my gf, I have been thinking about going to a kink related website to answer to a post I watched there months ago, that could lead to meeting up with a girl. But I know this would be dishonest. Both for my (ex)gf and for me. This is an addiction driven behaviour, this is madness. it is not what I really want and it will leave me empty and hollow. I can feel this because Thinking about this action makes me feel like if I´m about to relapse. Would healthy ways of connecting with others leave me with this sensation? I don´t think so. I´m not feeling good about it and I will not do it because of that. This is not the right think to do, I know I am not pass over my (ex)gf, and this would hurt me emotionally and would hurt her, and I still care for her.

So yeah, today is the time to renew my vows to fighting this addiction.
To manage the urges I will not use social media nor I will eat junk food in the following days. Now I´m studying english, and after that, I will go to the gym a little bit earlier than I usually do, to have a coffee there and spend some time outside of my house. I can read a but or listen to music before my climbing class.

Spending time outside, visiting friends, beeing busy and avoiding triggers and substitudes (social media and junk food). That´s how I will manage this urge. Also, I have decided now that I won´t visit that website, so I don´t have to think more about it, even if I feel like visiting it. This is the best solution for now.

See you on the other side (of the urges)!!

 

[the_mountain_goat]

Hey Trisquel.

I'm so sorry about your breakup.

These are such difficult moments, and as you said, the main thing to do is to surround yourself with your own friends! - and, go rock climbing!!

And, perhaps, think about taking some to reunite with yourself first, before trying to engage with others sexually and romantically. Take the time to ask yourself if you really want to meet up with that woman.

Stay busy. Do things that will make you happy and stay away from these urges.

You got this!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 14/14

Hi guys.

Today I was exhausted, I was feeling like just watching YouTube, eating all the crap... I was feeling like i could watch some porn. And then I took a nap, which had a HUGE effect. It was like if my sanity was restored.

Sometimes I don't realise the effects that underslerping has on me, but they are huge, gonna take more care of my sleeping hours.

Also, I wanted to ask you something.
I decided to M because I was feeling quite some tension (although the nap helped a lot! Maybe it was just due to tiredness?). I used one of the sexual toys that I used to use with my girlfriend. I didn't watch porn, but in the end, after O'ing, it didn't feel quite right.
It didn't feel terrible, but I got the feeling that using that thing was the best idea.

Would you count this as a relapse? I'm having doubts because I didn't do it out of urges, but using toys is probably a behaviour that relates to my addiction, and after O's I didn't feel terrible, but neither right.

However, it made me remember that for my reboot I only wanna get sexual excitement from real persons. No fantasies, no toys, no websites, no nothing. Only real persons I meet in real life.

I will cut on M from now on since it seems to work fine for me. How much I sleep is more important than if I M or not.

That's all for today,

Cheers!

 

[TypeN]

That's a good question man. I think everyone is an individual, so you can decide for yourself somewhat whether or not it "counts." Personally, as someone who reads your thread, I don't necessarily think it does this once. However, if you feel that it affects your brain in a similar way to porn or fantasies, then you might want to rule it out for the future, and maybe count any future cases as relapses if they happen (seems like that's what you're thinking).

I know for me toys are too likely to stimulate my addiction in the way you describe. But I can imagine that it could be ok for some guys.

Anyway, you're so right about the sleep thing. The roughest days I've had recently were sleep deprived ones. Stay strong ... and sleep well!

 

[Trisquel]

Hey Trisquel.

I'm so sorry about your breakup.

These are such difficult moments, and as you said, the main thing to do is to surround yourself with your own friends! - and, go rock climbing!!

And, perhaps, think about taking some to reunite with yourself first, before trying to engage with others sexually and romantically. Take the time to ask yourself if you really want to meet up with that woman.

Stay busy. Do things that will make you happy and stay away from these urges.

You got this!

Thank you man!

I think you are right, I need some time on my own before doing anything with someone else. Otherwise I will feel all over the place.
I am trying to keep myself busy these days, and it´s working well

Thanks again for your post, I hope your travel is going well

 

[Trisquel]

That's a good question man. I think everyone is an individual, so you can decide for yourself somewhat whether or not it "counts." Personally, as someone who reads your thread, I don't necessarily think it does this once. However, if you feel that it affects your brain in a similar way to porn or fantasies, then you might want to rule it out for the future, and maybe count any future cases as relapses if they happen (seems like that's what you're thinking).

I know for me toys are too likely to stimulate my addiction in the way you describe. But I can imagine that it could be ok for some guys.

Anyway, you're so right about the sleep thing. The roughest days I've had recently were sleep deprived ones. Stay strong ... and sleep well!

Hey man, thanks for passing by!

I think you are right, I won´t count this one as a relapse since this M session was not addiction driven, but I won´t do it in the future and next time it´ll count as a relapse, since it didn´t feel quite healthy nethier.

Yeah, Sleeping is super important and I´ve been underating it´s effect on me...

Thank you for yor words, as always!!

See you

 

[Trisquel]

Day 18/21

Normal day. Feeling a bit depresed, but I'm going to a concert with a friend. Listening to losts of music.

I'm struggling with junk food, but I'm happy that's the only thing I'm struggling with.

I'm also very happy I'm passed the two weeks mark, I haven't reach that one in a long time

Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 19/21

Hey!
The day has just started for me, but I started with the wrong foot.
I was M to fantasies first, and then I was for more than one hour in that dating kink webpage I told you about.

It was very close to a relapse. I don´t count it as such because I managed to stop and to razionalize it. I took a cold shower and now I feel more focus and determined to don´t let my strike just go and to kick this adiction once and for all. I wanna get out of this addiction and this behaviours are not helping, I have to be more strict with myself in that. This slipperies behaviours are not good.

Today I will study, do some groceries and then go to the gym, I still can have a productive day.

Cheers!!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 20/21

Hey, almost trhee weeks! The longest strike in a while!

I have to be careful though, I'm used to having streaks of two weeks and I'm noticing now it's getting harder. I struggle more with fantasies.

I have to be specially careful when waking up and when going to sleep, as these are the moments when my guard is at it's lowest. This morning I was also M to fsntasies. But I managed to stop, and it wasn't so bad as yesterday. I didn't go to the webpage, and I promised myself I wouldn't go back again. (So there's a little improvement after all)

I'm to tired of that crap, I just want to leave it behind and focus on real life. If it is not happening in real life, I will just say no!

Cheers!!

 

[TypeN]

Day 20/21

Hey, almost trhee weeks! The longest strike in a while!

I have to be careful though, I'm used to having streaks of two weeks and I'm noticing now it's getting harder. I struggle more with fantasies.

I have to be specially careful when waking up and when going to sleep, as these are the moments when my guard is at it's lowest. This morning I was also M to fsntasies. But I managed to stop, and it wasn't so bad as yesterday. I didn't go to the webpage, and I promised myself I wouldn't go back again. (So there's a little improvement after all)

I'm to tired of that crap, I just want to leave it behind and focus on real life. If it is not happening in real life, I will just say no!

Cheers!!

Stay strong my friend. It's great that you're pushing back on these urges. I think it's definitely wise to avoid the M with fantasies (even without the O) as much as possible, because it does still give us a "hit", so to speak, even if it isn't the big heavy hit we get from O.

You know that though, and you're staying vigilant. Keep it up bud, rooting for you.

 

[Trisquel]

Stay strong my friend. It's great that you're pushing back on these urges. I think it's definitely wise to avoid the M with fantasies (even without the O) as much as possible, because it does still give us a "hit", so to speak, even if it isn't the big heavy hit we get from O.

You know that though, and you're staying vigilant. Keep it up bud, rooting for you.

Thanks!!
Trying to get through the struggle!!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 20/21

Hi guys!
I two hours I will be on a trhee weeks strike, according to my day counter!

I haven't reach such a long strike in a long time and I'm noticing it. Is really a struggle to abstain from fantasies or from that dating webpage.
Good news is that I'm able to rationalize it and see clearly that when I'm having slipping behaviours those are addiction-driven. I am able to say no to that crap, and also to realize that it is crap, something that didn't happened before.

I'm struggling, but moving forward. It will get easier in a couple of days, I'm sure about it, and I will be extremely grateful I didn't relapse, I know.


Now is the difficult part, but It gets easier from here.

Fuck porn! And fuck the chats!! I don't want it in my life anymore, I want to experience my life without a double life online.

Also, I'm starting to notice that when I don't put my energy in porn, I experience a greater drive to do other activities, like music, sports, or going out. That's great!

Cheers, see you soon

 

[Trisquel]

Day 25/30

Hi guys!

Almost one month!

Anyway, I´m having huge urges today. I´m stuggling with junk food as well, which is not ideal, but it is better than struggling with P or other websites!

I´m going to climbing right now, to kill those urges, and then I´ll meet with a friend.

I wanted to give an update on my habits. I had stated on othet posts that i wanted to detox from social media, phone usage and junk food. I have been trying to commit to certain habbits, the results are not perfect and I still stuggle with these things a lot of the time, but I see improvement already, and I´m quite happy with it.

I stopped using instagram and youtube on my phone most of the days. I only use them on my laptop, and everytime less! I´m feeling less and less urges to use those apps, whihc makes me very happy.

Also I don´t use my phone before breakfast, which has been very usefull in the mornings. I still don´t commit to my habit of stoping using it at 23hs, but I can feel that overall I´m less on my phone, and I need it less.

About junk food, I still buy it and sometimes I do eat too much of it.... I sometimes use it to deal with difficult feelings, which is super shitty. I hope to change these habits in the near future.

I don´t have to let my guard down because of the small improvements. though. I know that I have to commit to fighting this addiction and to commit to a more healthy lifestile everyday. Is a conscious choice every single day!
I hope to do better on the future, for now I think I´m walking on the right direction.

Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

Day 0/14

Hey guys.

I´m very sorry to tell I relapsed this morning.

It was only to fantasies, but I still feel that I need to count it as a relapse.
It was very stupid in fact, just me beeing lazy in bed after waking up. I need to be carefull with fantasies, and with the moments before and after sleeping, I should know by now.

Anyway, it has been very fucking stupid, but at least, it is only that. Nothing terrible.

I need to remain viligant of junk food and fantaises. I had been having slipery behaviours andwith those, and that´s why I relapsed.
I need to commit every single day to leave this addiction behind, and remind myself to commit again specially when I´m feeling lazy or unwilling to get out of bed!

Good things is that I know this doesn´t set me back to the begining, and that I´m still doing a lot of progress.
Social media consumtion is lower than ever, and I´m begining to be more conscious about my thoughts and emotions regarding porn and other substitudes. I feel with more control over myself.

Let´s keep walking in this direction, I´m sure one day there will be no more relapses. Until then, is just a matter of keeping trying and improving. Every relapse is less bad than the last one.

Cheers!

 

[Trisquel]

I just wanted to make a post to remind myself of what I´m doing and why it works.

I´m gonna keep doing the habits to improve my social media usage:
-no YouTube or insta on my phone
-No phone before breakfast
-No phone after 23hs.

Also, regarding junk food:
-Not going to buy junk food.

This one is the most challenging and difficult for me, but I do need to control it.

Also, I will avoid at all cost:
-fantasies
-porn
-dating/chat websites
-binging on food or social media

And I´m going to be extra careful in the moments when I go to sleep and when I wake up, since these are the most difficult. specially for fantasies!!

I will take specially care of myself and look for help whenever I feel restless, tired or uneasy. This is extremely important, as those bring me closer to relapses.

Other than that, I will just fulfill my life with rewarding healthy stuff:
-sports
-friends
-socializing
-music
-working on my university application

I feel like this one is the most important, making my life worth it. It just makes everything work. I cannot fight this addiction just using discipline and restrictions.

 

[Androg]

Day 0/14

Hey guys.

I´m very sorry to tell I relapsed this morning.

It was only to fantasies, but I still feel that I need to count it as a relapse.
It was very stupid in fact, just me beeing lazy in bed after waking up. I need to be carefull with fantasies, and with the moments before and after sleeping, I should know by now.

Anyway, it has been very fucking stupid, but at least, it is only that. Nothing terrible.

I need to remain viligant of junk food and fantaises. I had been having slipery behaviours andwith those, and that´s why I relapsed.
I need to commit every single day to leave this addiction behind, and remind myself to commit again specially when I´m feeling lazy or unwilling to get out of bed!

Good things is that I know this doesn´t set me back to the begining, and that I´m still doing a lot of progress.
Social media consumtion is lower than ever, and I´m begining to be more conscious about my thoughts and emotions regarding porn and other substitudes. I feel with more control over myself.

Let´s keep walking in this direction, I´m sure one day there will be no more relapses. Until then, is just a matter of keeping trying and improving. Every relapse is less bad than the last one.

Cheers!

Keep in mind that many people here would only consider porn use a relapse. Still, it is good to be able to chart your own course.