A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 8/14

Today I didn´t had any important urges. At points during the day I think I could whatch some porn, but it just goes away and is no big problem. I´m trying to be carefull with these things.

Also I´m noticing a lot of stress and vulnerability from moving to another city. I will do some sports tomorrow morning and hopefully it´ll help.

I really need to be carefull of how I use my computer and phone, I have notice some obssesive use of them that reminds me of porn consumtion. It is on shopping pages and social media, I feel I can browse for hours.

I will still limit the use of my phone only after lunch and dinner, trying not to use it in the morning or before going to sleep. Also, if I feel my computer use is draining my energy I will compromise to stop and do something else. Hopefully this simple rules will help me with it.

Whis me luck!!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Good luck! Big changes in your life man. You’re doing it with loads of awareness, that’s good. Perhaps look for some club (sports that you play for instance) to keep yourself busy and meet new people :)
 

TypeN

Active Member
Day 8/14

Today I didn´t had any important urges. At points during the day I think I could whatch some porn, but it just goes away and is no big problem. I´m trying to be carefull with these things.

Also I´m noticing a lot of stress and vulnerability from moving to another city. I will do some sports tomorrow morning and hopefully it´ll help.

I really need to be carefull of how I use my computer and phone, I have notice some obssesive use of them that reminds me of porn consumtion. It is on shopping pages and social media, I feel I can browse for hours.

I will still limit the use of my phone only after lunch and dinner, trying not to use it in the morning or before going to sleep. Also, if I feel my computer use is draining my energy I will compromise to stop and do something else. Hopefully this simple rules will help me with it.

Whis me luck!!
Definitely feeling the same way this week with other media and my devices. I probably need to set better boundaries like you're suggesting myself.

Wishing you well man. 🙏
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 9/14

So far I´m failing quite miserabily on reducing computer use! today it was draining me. It is more clear that it is a porn substitude.
I´ve set some more boundaries on myself, I will be more strict with my technology use, and I will subtitude it with going out for walks, meeting friends, reading, going to run, and exploring the new city I moved in. Healthy rewarding stuff basically.
I´m considering getting a Nokia and setting my computer use a few hours a day.

For the rest I have to say I´m fine. I had some fantasies on the morning, but they went away. I have stress regarding the job search but I´m managing it. I don´t think in porn that much these days, which is great.

Thank you all for your messages, they give company in thi otherwise lonely fight.

Let´s keep moving!
 

TypeN

Active Member
Day 9/14

So far I´m failing quite miserabily on reducing computer use! today it was draining me. It is more clear that it is a porn substitude.
I´ve set some more boundaries on myself, I will be more strict with my technology use, and I will subtitude it with going out for walks, meeting friends, reading, going to run, and exploring the new city I moved in. Healthy rewarding stuff basically.
I´m considering getting a Nokia and setting my computer use a few hours a day.

For the rest I have to say I´m fine. I had some fantasies on the morning, but they went away. I have stress regarding the job search but I´m managing it. I don´t think in porn that much these days, which is great.

Thank you all for your messages, they give company in thi otherwise lonely fight.

Let´s keep moving!
One day at a time man, the fact that you're trying to implement these improvements is already progress in itself. :)

Substituting with healthy rewarding things is really the ticket, too. Great idea
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 13/14

Almost there! I´m getting close to the goal I marked myself, and that´s pretty nice! I feel more capable of doing this reboot than two weeks ago.

I haven´t post in a while. These days have been full of urges and fantasies sometimes I struggled getting rid of. But in the end they went away, and I could focus on other stuff. i think I´m starting to realize i have more freedom to chose to focus on something else, or to remind myself why I shouldn´t be indulgent with this fantasies. It feels hard to do, but you beging to get the trick after some time.

I´m struggling still with my compulsive use of social media and smartphone. I realize that is an important part of my addiction, and that it has a lot to do with my porn addiction. Still, I feel positive because I´ve been able to reduce it´s use a liiiiitle bit over these days, and I think I can continue this tendency. One day at a time. I have to be carefull with this part of my addiction. Is very easy to be indulgent with it, even if I know is very unhealthy. I have to be concius about it, and I´m trying to, even if sometimes I don´t manage.

I´m starting to feel better about certaing things. Today I went running again, even if I was feelinf down in the morning, and it felt good. I´m starting to feel pleasure on hobbies that I didn´t enjoyed much lately, like cooking and listening to records. i have a couple of good friends in the city I moved in a week ago, and I feel I enjoy meeting them, and beeing around people a liiiitle bit more (I´ve always been an anxius and awkward guy).
Anyway, this is no excuse to be indulgent with myself. In the past because I was feeling better I thought everything was going allright and that lead to relapses. These changes are very small, and I need to go foward this reboot to keep them growing, otherwise they go to hell. I need to realize that, and keep working on it.

So, let´s keep at it!!

Sometimes is hard to remember why I´m doing this. When the urges stike I feel I couold PMO again, but I need to remember is not worht it, that I´m doing this for a good reasin and that the benefits are way greater than any short term "pleasure" (more like obbsession) that ends in pain.
The other day, when I was having huge urges I wrote myself a letter, explaining myself how it felt to relapse on the past.

I think that´s everything I wanted to write. I will try to keep going at it and not to loose focus/discipline.
Thank you, and see you next time.
 

TypeN

Active Member
Awesome, man. You’re about to hit two weeks!

It's great that you're going running. I'm feeling the same way re: feeling pleasure from normal things... it comes back little by little, but it's coming. And you're right, it's good to stay disciplined. Though, it's also good to celebrate yourself for the progress you're making. :)
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Two weeks is great, Trisquel! If you can do two weeks, you can do a month. If you can do a month, you can do two, etc.

The letter to yourself is a great idea. Hope that is working for you.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 14/30

Two weeks already!
I've passed this goal and I'm feeling good about it! I feel more committed towards this reboot that other attempts in the past, it feels like the real thing.

Today I struggled with huge urges and porn fantasies. It was very hard to ignore, I could feel my body react to this fantasies (heartbeat, even dry mouth). In the end I managed to do other stuff, to remind me why I was doing this and to put my attention somewhere else. I still think I putted to much time into fantasizing, but I controlled it in the end.

I hope it becomes more manageable over time. I think it'll get worse this next two weeks before it starts to get better. I know it's most probable I have tunnel vision because of the urges and I will only want to watch at porn.
But I'm really committed to this reboot, I have better tools than in the past and I hope to learn to manage those moments. In the end it'll get better and I need to keep that in mind all the time. The struggle is worth it.
 
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Trisquel

Active Member
Day 16/30!

I did M this morning. I stayed a bit on bed and I started to M with a porn fantasy. I waas able to stop and I took a cold shower.
I´m happy I was able to stop. This days are going to be pretty tough, but I hope I´ll mannage. I need to keep in mind that I can't do this kind of things. I just don´t have to slip over it, no tolerance towards this kind of behaviours.
 

TypeN

Active Member
Day 16/30!

I did M this morning. I stayed a bit on bed and I started to M with a porn fantasy. I waas able to stop and I took a cold shower.
I´m happy I was able to stop. This days are going to be pretty tough, but I hope I´ll mannage. I need to keep in mind that I can't do this kind of things. I just don´t have to slip over it, no tolerance towards this kind of behaviours.
I feel you man, been struggling with this the past few days. Good on you for getting it under control.
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Hold on tight! Get passed the urges, plan things in the coming days that will keep you busy, stimulated (friends? Sports?) and satisfied outside of porn. Plan plan plan! Stay strong.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hello!

Day 19/30

Very glad about that number.

I have been struggling a lot with porn fantasies these days. I´m not sure if this should count as a relapse. Most of the time I M to them, but then I stop and I tell myself why I am doing this. Is difficult, but It appears that with practice is getting better. I´m surprised to learn that saying no to this things is no so difficult when you get used to the uncomfortable feelings.

I hope it gets better over time. These days have been full of urges and I have almost relapsed a few times. I try to act a teacher to myself, and instead of blaming me for that I´m telling me how to act different and giving me a opportunity to learn how to do that by trial and error. It sounds kinda silly, but that attitude is helping me to manage the urges.

Let´s keep going!! it´ll get better
 

TypeN

Active Member
It seems to me that a lot of us around here struggle with this fantasies issue once we get past the initial hurdle of no P, so nothing to be ashamed of my friend. Just the next challenge we all need to work on.

Love the idea of being a teacher to yourself. We all need to practice more self-empathy. :) Addiction is a tough nut to crack!
 

shun.csl

Member
I really like the idea of being a teacher to ourselves. We have experience just with punishing or blaming, not have more self-empathy or self-compassion. It is really good, the most of us is fighting alone, without the knowledge of family or friends, so is good to care with ourselves. I blame my self to have some toughts and fantasies, but I understand that is part of how I built myself with PMO, now I'm modifying myself and my life without PMO. All is different to me, I discover I don't know what I like to do in sex with partners, becausa all that I know came from P.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 23/30

Today is beeing a very hard day. I have problems with my work and my life is very uncertain in terms of money for the next months.
Also moving to another city is hard since I don't know anyone here,the friend that I know over here is always busy and is difficult to meet him, and I don't have good opportunities to hang with people. I feel very lonely here.

I feel like crap at the moment.
I've been quite busy so I had no time to P or to fantasies, so that's good. These days I had a little fantasie now and then, but I can say no to it in a relatively short time.
I will try to follow the tendency.

My girlfriend came to visit me on the weekend and it was fantastic, happy about that.
 

TypeN

Active Member
I can relate man, I'm in an emotional slump right now too. Loneliness is a very tough emotion. But keep your head up dude, you can get past this.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 31/45

It´s been a long time since I last posted, I have been very busy!
I came to my home country to visit my family for new years, and I was with friends and my girlfriend for Crishtmas, it was a good time. It´s been difficult, as I mentioned before but somehow it is going well.

Now I´m back at my home, wich can be stressfull sometimes, but I´m looking foward to have some rest for some weeks.

I have been so busy that I haven´t had time to fantasize about porn. I did M to fantasies once, but that was it. I´m not sure if that should count as a relapse, I don´t think I´m going to do so, because that would be ignoring the progress I´ve been making. I´m stuggling still with fantasies and hurges. Just a couple of minutes ago I was thinking "man, I could use some porn". Sometimes is hard to say no to fantasies and thoughts about porn. I have to be strict and carefull about it! Now is time to keep going in the right direction, to remember that I want to quit porn and why I want to do it, and to just let the urges go away. Now I feel is the hardest part of quitting porn, when there are more urges and you have to remember why you are doing this, because is very easy to forget.

Btw, I´ve passed the 30 days mark!
That´s a great achivement, specially if you compare it with my first post.
I will put another milestone at 45 days, I don´t feel confident enough about putting it to 60, but I do have a hunch is gonna be fine. Just let´s keep going this way and keeping the tendency.

a few rules for myself this days:
-No P fantasies
-if you discover yourself in a fantasy, just get out of there however you can
-No M
-In case of huges urges, go outside and take a cold shower afterwards.

Also I keep struggling with social media. Luckyly I think I´m more conciuss about it every time. I got myself a NOKIA phone, and I will switch to it tomorrow afternoon (before that I need it to make a road trip). I will use social media in my laptop. The idea is to sit down specifically to do that, without using it all day long. I will keep my smartphone because is still usefull, but only for specific tasks. I will try this for a month, until february next year, and see how it goes.

Thanks to all of you that are reading, and to those giving some words of encouragment, is really great to have yoyu around here, and it helps to go trhough this.

Cheers,
have a happy new year :):)
 
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