A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

Trisquel

Active Member
Keep in mind that many people here would only consider porn use a relapse. Still, it is good to be able to chart your own course.
Hey, thanks!
I still prefer to count them as relapse because it contributes to my addiction. I know that if I don't I will just keep doing it and eventually falling into P again
This is what works for me, of course, everybody's case is different!

Cheers!!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 1/14

Hey guys.
Did the fucking exam today. It is good to finally get over it! I think it went well.

I think these days I'm having a bit of withdrawal symptoms. I feel quite irritable and uneasy/nervous. Yesterday I bought a lot of sweet stuff to deal with that, I'm also having a lot of urges... I have not think untill now that it may be withdrawal symptoms!

That's good, it means my body is cleaning. I have to read a little bit about it and see how to deal with it . In no time it'll pass and I will be super grateful I didn't went to P because if it, I'm certain about it!

See you guys
 

TypeN

Active Member
Congrats on getting through your exam Trisquel!

Good observations on what you may be feeling with withdrawals. I've also been realizing lately that some of my big negative feelings may be withdrawals, too.

Also, while you may have had the incident with fantasies recently, it seems you're well past a month without porn now. That's a big deal -- keep it rolling dude. (y)
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Congrats on getting through your exam Trisquel!

Good observations on what you may be feeling with withdrawals. I've also been realizing lately that some of my big negative feelings may be withdrawals, too.

Also, while you may have had the incident with fantasies recently, it seems you're well past a month without porn now. That's a big deal -- keep it rolling dude. (y)
Thank you a lot!

You are right, I'm pretty grateful with the progress, and I shouldn't forget about that!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 4/14

Hi guys!

Yesterday I was on bed taking a nap and I consciously refused to M to fsntasies. On the evening I was anxious and a little bit paranoid, but I could associate that to withdrawal symptoms and I got through it, no P, no M, no substitutes.

Is incredible how immediate the withdrawal symptoms can be.

On the morning I M to fsntasies q bit, when I was still half slept. I could manage to stop and I took a cold shower, which felt good.

I committ right now to a day porn-free! No P, no fantasies, no substitutes, no MO. I'm over that, and it feels so much better to go through the withdrawal than to relapse again! I just want to leave this addiction behind, and never go back. Only for today, no P, no MO, no fantasies, no binging dopamine.

See you!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 8/14

Hey, one week has passed by flying!

Not feeling very good today. I'm having problems at my work and my boss is very rude. I still feel some pain for my breakup and I need to find a house near my future university, which is gonna be difficult.

But ant of that is driving me to watch P or relapse. I'm to see some friends now, hopefully I will feel better after that. Also, I know I will take care of my stuff.

I'm trying to accept my emotions more and to let them be, instead of fighting against them. It seems to be working. Even if it is painful at times, I can manage my stress and my depression more.

Let's keep moving in the right direction.

See you!
 

TypeN

Active Member
I'm trying to accept my emotions more and to let them be, instead of fighting against them. It seems to be working. Even if it is painful at times, I can manage my stress and my depression more.

Let's keep moving in the right direction.

I love this, dude. That's what I'm trying to achieve too these days.

Keep fighting the good fight. 💪
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 17/21

Hi guys!
It´s been a while. I have had some stressfull times because a lot of things are changing in my life right now.
Still, none of it pushed me back to porn, which is great.
At the moment I´m commiting every day to fight this addiction and not to go back to triggers or substitudes, and so far is working very well. This days have been a breeze.
I´m also bettering my relationship with social media and junk food. Is not perfect, but I can see some improvements, I´m working on continuing this tendency!

I think the most difficult part of the reboot is coming. I can feel the urges around the corner (or maybe not, maybe I´m wrong and it´ll continue like it has been going so far!). In any case, I will commit dialy not to engage in this addiction in any way possible. No P, no M, no indulging myself with fantasies.

I also have been mannaging my depression these days. Is not nice, but I think I´m doing better than I ever had: I try to accept my emotions and not to run away from them. I try to express them and to use them to reflect what is important in my life. I´m making exercise, talking with people and friends, enganging in hobbies, giving myself time to rest properly, avoid pushing me too hard as I used to do, working on the stuff I need to solve but without overthinking it, trying to enjoy the momnet I am now more.... I think this will result in some improvements in my mood and in my life in general.

See you soon!
Cheers
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 20/30
Hi guys!
Getting close to that one month mark!
I feel a lot more clean and strong than the previous time I reached 20 days. Even if I reset the counter, there is improvement with every new strike, and is good to realize that, it gives me confidence.

Yesterday I had a talk in person with my ex and we broke up for good. Ot was a good talk and I left pretty happy, so feeling good about that. We broke up for good reason and we were agreeing on it and understanding each other.
Now I feel I will have more space to live my own life.

Feeling good.
Now I'm committing to another day of no P, no fantasies, no substitutes and no YouTube or Instagram on my mobile phone. Also no fantasies going to bed or waking up.
I'm feeling good but I can relapse any day, and today is no different!

I'm tackling my two other substitutes , social media and junk food, one at a time, for now I'm going for social media. Cutting down one source of dopamine once at a time!
I think is important for my reboot as I can feel how these activities are connected to my addiction and activate similar pathways in my brain.

Apart from that, I'm taking rest, socializing, reading and playing a bit of drums. Also I'm making quite some physical activity! It all feels good and I feel I'm rewiring myself to more healthy activities, which feels good.

Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 22/30

Hello guys.

Feeling quite low today. Depressed. I have a bit of hangover, so I will take today to be lazy and rest.
Urges and thoughts of relapsing are appearing. I was watching a movie that although was not P, it had some sexual material. Gotta be carefull with that.

But I know that feelings and thoughts come and go like the wind, they mean nothing!
I´m compromising one more day to my reboot. No P, no fantasies, no substitudes (that includes binging on social media and food), and no youtube on my phone today.
That´s all that matters. My emotions are momentary but this decission is not!
Done the thinking for today, that´s all there is to say.

Maybe is good for me to feel depressed and not to try to ran away from it, or to hide it from me. Maybe this is only good, even if it feels unconfortable.

See you soon, hopefully in a better mood.
Cheers!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Let's fucking go! You're right, the feelings will pass and the only thing that will remain is whether you held the line!

See you soon!
Thank you @cookiemonster ! I appreciate the support.

I feel already better today. Is crazy how beeing tired/hangover can influence your mood. I think I'm specially sensitive to fluctuations in my mood because of my depression.

Another day of commitment to fighting this addiction: no P, no fantasies, no playing around with my dick, no substitutes (socialmedia and food)
Just for today.

See you soon!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Hey Trisquel! It's a good thought to say "I should accept that I'm not feeling so great today" - it's OK not to feel great and energised every day. The challenge is to not turn to P when that happens, since it won't solve your problem. Glad you're hitting the climbing gym!!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys!
Day 24/30

I did binged on YouTube today. I started to have a bad phisical sensation from it, and I stoped. It reminded me why I don't want to use YouTube on my phone.

Is very funny how I can feel it physically when I'm binging on dopamine.

Apart from that I had a good day.
I finnally jammed with some guys I've been meeting these weeks! Feels good to finally play music, they congratulated me on my playing, and it was a fun session!

My mood is still fluctuating a lot, it can be tricky, and I'm trying to control it. I wonder how much of it is my depression, stress, withdrawal symptoms or binging on dopamine through social media and food.
Anyway, cutting down on my addiction-related behaviours, rewiring to healthy activities and having a balanced dier and rest is the way to go, and I'm doing my best to commit to it.

Now I'm committing to a P-free evening, and a P-free morning tomorrow. No P, no fantasies, no substitutes. Specially when going to sleep and when waking up.

See you!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey Trisquel! It's a good thought to say "I should accept that I'm not feeling so great today" - it's OK not to feel great and energised every day. The challenge is to not turn to P when that happens, since it won't solve your problem. Glad you're hitting the climbing gym!!
You are completely right!
And climbing is helping me a lot lately, I love it!

Thank you for the support;)

Cheers!
 
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