A Long time due battle that I need to stop ignoring

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 1/14

Hi guys.
Yesterday was though, a lot of urges and I almost relapsed again.
I managed to get out of my house though, and I met some friends in a party. It took me out of my thoughts for a while.

Today I'm not feeling so good, I got rejected from some houses and I was feeling very low. But I managed not to scape from my emotions, and that feels quite good. I'm going through quite a difficult situation right now. A lot of instability and uncertainty.

Today I commit to a day of no P, no subtitues, no fantasies. Just for today, until tomorrow morning. Today I commit to a day of no scapism and no running away from my emotions. That all I need to do.
Instead of engaging in addiction driven behaviours, I will meet my friends, play music, read, and go climbing.
That's all I need to do today. That's all the thinking for today, now its only a matter of doing it.

Still on track!
See you guys.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 2/14

Hi guys.
I´m not feeling very good today, my concentration is all over the place, and I´m feeling uneasy, my head is just cahotic.

But anyway, I´m going to the park to read now, and I´ll meet with a friend to jam later this evening, so I have thing to look foward to.
I will stay away from social media and my computer for a while, I´m sure that´ll help.

I comiit just to another day of fighting this addiction. No P, no subtitues, no fantasies, no running away from my emotions. I will be specially careful when going to bed and when waking up. No playing with my dick and no binging on social media/food.

I will make an effort to connect with friends and move a little bit today. I will get away from screens and try to rewire a little with real life.
That´s it for today, enough thinking!!!

See you.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 3/14

Hi guys!
I almost didn't post today, it was quite busy!

I managed to go no P although I had some slippery behaviour with fantasies on the morning. I'm having a lot of urges, but I know they will pass soon.

I commit to another day of no P, no fantaises, and no subtitues, I will be specially careful tomorrow morning when I wake up!

Another day of kicking this adiction. I don't have to do it forever, only for today!
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Great job on getting a circuit breaker in. Now start also trying to get rid of fantasies and whatever "slippery behaviour" you're referring to. We all know deep down when something is keeping the porn addiction alive. Porn-like fantasy and masturbation are likely on that list.

You can do it. Keep it up. You're moving in the right direction.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 0/14

Hi guys.
Just had quite a bad relapse today.
I acted in an automatic way, without thinking.
I don´t know why, I think I just needed to realease some tension since these last weeks have been very stressing for me.
I´m sorry to dissapoint you, idk what to say.

I guess I will keep trying.
I am consciuous that what I really need are real life connections.

See you guys
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hi guys.
Just had quite a bad relapse today.
I acted in an automatic way, without thinking.
Sorry to hear this @Trisquel, it happens though. When we've trained our mind to do this automatically over the years, it takes a real chunk of time to get those "automatic" pathways to die down.
I´m sorry to dissapoint you, idk what to say.
You didn't disappoint us at all. Just get back up and keep on moving.

Best
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey guys, Thanks for your words.
I will jsut get back on the horse and keep trying, that´s right. Is not like everything I have achieved so far has banished. two steps fowards and one backwards, I guess.

The more you relapse...the more you need to relapse (or at least that is what you brain will scream). Do you need a sponsor and daily support for a while?
Completly right. I will keep that in mind for the urgesof the following days.
I think I will look into an sponsor for the following days, I haven´t thought about that, but it may help.
When we've trained our mind to do this automatically over the years, it takes a real chunk of time to get those "automatic" pathways to die down.
You are right, I have to keep in mind that it will take my brain quite a lot of time to desintetize and I really need to put effort into rewiring to the real deal.

I have realized that I haven´t let go some of my P-induced fantasies and kinks.
I have to let them go, they are just nor real and they are pulling me back.
Completly giving up on this P-induced kinks is the only way to go. I need to explore my sexuallity in a healthy way, in real life, with real people I am bonded to, and step by step.
P-induced sexuallity is deillusional.

It feels a bit hopeless, all my sexual development has been marked by P, since I was a kid. I wander if it is too late to start having a normal sexuallity. It feels too late for that.

But anyway, I know that kind of thinking doesn´t lead me anywhere. I just have to keep trying and moving foward to where I want to be. I have a lot to learn still, there is room for change and hope, and I know that is difficult, but not too late. It is never too late to better your life, I guess. The goal is not to change all this years of P madness, but to let it go and have a better life from now on.


You didn't disappoint us at all. Just get back up and keep on moving.

Best
@Androg
Shit happens, we support you. Just get back up on the horse! Try and get through one day and keep visiting the forum.
Thanks for your messagges guys, I really apreciate them.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Great work, Trisquel. I'll give the same advice I give everyone on this forum: it's very important that you crush the addiction now while you're young. Otherwise, it's going to be a negative and destructive thing in your life for decades. And as you have already figured out, limiting your time online will really help. Do whatever you can to mess up the trail of breadcrumbs that leads you back to porn!
Reading back this now, you are completly right, Thanks again!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi guys.

Just another day of commiting to fighting this crap!
No P, no fantasies, and no substitues (specially not social media). I will be specially carefull when going to sleep or when waking up.


I feel a bit low today, but that´s okay.
I´m having some urges and sexual thought, but I´m just not engangiing with them and letting them go, as I learned.
Not much to say today, just another day!

Btw, I´m looking for a acountability partner in the moment, if anybody would be interested, please, let me know!

See you tomorrow guys.
 

TypeN

Active Member
Day 0/14

Hi guys.
Just had quite a bad relapse today.
I acted in an automatic way, without thinking.
I don´t know why, I think I just needed to realease some tension since these last weeks have been very stressing for me.
I´m sorry to dissapoint you, idk what to say.

I guess I will keep trying.
I am consciuous that what I really need are real life connections.

See you guys

Not disappointing at all Trisquel, if anything it's humanizing when I read what other users here are dealing with. This is a messy process but you have been doing very well.

I feel exactly the same way as you about needing more real life connections.

Anyway, stay strong man, you've done a great job these past months.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi!

Just had insomnia this night. That means I will have to be extra careful today, since restlessness is a trigger. Luckily I will spend all day outside and I will sleep at a friend's house, so I won't be home alone at all.
I compromise to another day of no P, no fantaises, no substitutes, no playing with my dick. No anything that activates this addiction I've had for more than 13 years now.
I will be specially careful when going to sleep and when waking up.
I will focus instead on rewiring to real life (with friends, with real-life interactions, with rewarding stuff in real life).

See you soon!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi! Almost forgot to post today.

Today was nice, I didn't had the time to think about P!

This period of my life is beeing very weird. A lot of changes and difficult situation, a lot of changes in how I deal with my depression and my addiction, and a lot of uncertainty.

Tonight I was reflecting that I've been consuming p since I was 10 or something. I was wandering how that had must affected my emotions and how I relate to people. Probably a lot. Sometimes I juet feel numbed, and sometimes I feel like there is a barrier between me and the others.
I'm really looking forward to get rid of this shit. I want to break free! I want to experience life as it should always have been, not with the filter of my addicted brain.

I feel on the verge of a lot of positive changes. Like, I have been working on improving my situation very hard this last year. And I've experienced a lot of changes. I feel more positive things are coming, and I feel there's a lot of potential for me or something.

Really looking forward to those changes, it's been a rough year for me so far. I feel there are almost there!


At the same time, I feel these last 10 years have been hell for me. I have been coping with a lot, and I would lile to put it all together and express it in a coherent way to others.
I have been dealing with a lot trough my teens years, and I really haven't had the chance to express it properly, I feel. Sometimes I try to say what I've been through, but is a little bit forced and awkward. Probably not the right moment and time.

Anyhow, I know depression makes you focus too much on your problems and not in the problems of others, so I should be careful with that. I'm realising just now that people have difficult lifes as well, not only me. I should focus less on myself and more on the experience of other people, and I'm trying to do that.

That was a long post in the end, night thoughts stream of consciousness, haha.

I compromise to a P-free morning tomorrow. I'll post again to make my commitment for the day.

See you next time guys
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi!

Today I´m facing some urges, but I won´t be alone for the rest of the day, which is good.

Today is the same thing! I commit to watching no P, no subtitudes (youtube and social media, junk food), and no fantsies. I will especially carefull when going to bed and when waking up.
I´m tired of beeing trapped in this crap, is time to rise up and get done with it.
I have to reminf myself of that, of how awful it is when you feel the grip of P taking away your life. Gotta get rid of that!

See you tomorrow guys.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hi!

I had a pretty bad day. I missed a bus I needed to take and now I'm staying with some friends. Is not bad, but I hate feeling I'm annoying them, or that I was stupid managing this trip.

Anyway, I'm dealing with the situation in the best way I can.

I commit to another day of no P, no subtitues and no fantasies! I will stay away from anything that keeps me on my addiction. Is going to be difficult at times, but it is so worth it!
No playing with my dick at all. And I will be extra careful in the morning and when going to sleep.

Also, I will instead focus on things that help me get out of my addiction and have a healthy life:
-exercise
-eating healthy
-connecting with people
-working on my university project (I need to do some stuff to finish the enrollment process)
-reading
-music and films
-writting

See you guys tomorrow!
 
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