Been trying to quit for 13 years. But never tried this. Maybe this is the answer.

[Brianstorm]

I ended up relapsing that next night. It was my own fault, I should have been more alert. There was a surprising vid on Reddit from TikTok where a girl was skinny, flat-chested but turned to the side and had a big nice ass. I could have just left it there but I searched her username and saw she had an OF. I opened a bunch of tabs but didn't actually look at them. I use the family computer (technically though I'm the only one who uses it) in our dining room and my mom was sitting at kitchen table in her seat that faves toward the computer. She hadn't gone to bed yet, was on her laptop. So I had the tabs there top check once she went to bed. I could have just closed them. I wasn't even looking at porn then, just anticipating.

Then later I had 2 opportunities to stop during. Once when I had to go to the bathroom. I got my mind back a bit and thought that it's inevitable now. Butt hen thought why? But when I went back to computer I couldn't close it. Another time I had to let the dog out and had to actually put on a coat and boots and hat to go find his rope's end somewhere in the snow. But I still went back to it after I got in.

It's really almost impossible to stop once I start. I've done it before but only ever a few times. I should have just not watched that video at all once I initially saw the girl and was attracted. Or just closed it when done and moved on. It was a trigger and I let it continue.

 

[the_correct_wolf]

Looks like you have recognised a few things you could have done differently. Do you have plans to make any changes?

It's really almost impossible to stop once I start. I've done it before but only ever a few times.

If you've done it before, you can do it again, it is possible! If you want to make it easier identify the point where it gets harder to turn back and avoid that. Seeing that video sent you down this path, maybe stay off of Reddit until you can develop some self control.

 

[Brianstorm]

Looks like you have recognised a few things you could have done differently. Do you have plans to make any changes?


If you've done it before, you can do it again, it is possible! If you want to make it easier identify the point where it gets harder to turn back and avoid that. Seeing that video sent you down this path, maybe stay off of Reddit until you can develop some self control.

I've heard that from someone else. I may have to stop using Reddit until I'm really out of this. Which stinks but I have to admit it has been a trigger before more than a few times. There are triggers everywhere but I can limit them when I can.

 

[the_correct_wolf]

Some adjustments may be difficult at first but if it helps it will be worth it in the end. Especially in the beginning don't make it any harder than it needs to be. There can potentially be triggers anywhere so it is impossible to avoid everything but you can easily cut out a lot of risk. In the case of social media it's not particularly good for your mental health, for anyone's mental health, ever. The basis of these platforms is to provide mindless entertainment. The algorithms provide an endless stream of content with the intention of keeping you engaged. You are voluntarily relinquishing control over what you see. For people in our situation especially, I think this is dangerous territory. We should be developing self control by practicing mindfulness and acting with intention as much as possible.

 

[Brianstorm]

I looked at porn the last 2 nights. Or maybe it is one big night. I was so tired from having to get up early for Christmas Eve because we had our bigger family Christmas then at my aunt's house. Then I didn't get much sleep that night either and had to get up even earlier for Christmas. I ended up falling asleep on the couch at like 4pm and slept, occasionally waking, until 2:30am. I got up then because I had slept 10 hours and stayed up. But later that night ended up looking at porn. And I stayed up that day until around 8 when I fell asleep in my chair until around 11. Then tried to stay up to fix my schedule a bit. But later that night I looked at porn again. In my mind that old familiar "It's only been a day so it's not like you're breaking a big streak or anything..." but harder to fight because I was tired.
My one therapist had that saying "H.A.L.T." which is really true and useful. Are you Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? and I add in Bored. Any of those things can cause you to misinterpret your body's feelings into thinking you want porn. If I can remember that and try to make sure to satisfy all those when I'm feeling an urge to look at porn it can be helpful. But I guess I was just too tired to even think straight. I should have realized I'd be vulnerable.

 

[Brianstorm]

Someone mentioned H.A.L.T.B.S., adding on Bored and Stressed. Ha, yes, HALT BS is right.
I have bad feelings about myself, which a lot of that is because I'm a porn addict. And then ironically I look at porn which compounds the shame. But often I just look at porn because I'm bored I think. Which is frustrating as boredom is actually good for creativity. But I can't risk it and so fill my time with distractions.

I ended up looking at porn again the next night too but luckily my dad woke up really early and I couldn't finish. I can't remember the last time I went 2 nights in a row, let alone 3. Ug. But I haven't last night or tonight. I'm finding this blog is really helping me keep track of triggers and patterns. But there is more to it than just trying to avoid situations. When you're an addict it can feel like you have no willpower at all but we still do. And it takes at least some to try to quit. But if I just don't even try at all then I end up looking at porn 3 nights in a row. I just have to really remember why I'm doing this and grit my teeth. If I have to just sit in place, paralyzed, well then that's what I'll have to do.

 

[TakeActionNow]

PMO depletes dopamine to the point of depression.
Dopamine is more a motivator than a pleasure neurotransmitter. With depleted and diminished levels, we are not motivated to do other things. Over time the PMO habit destroys all incentive to pursue other interests.
That's why we're bored.
And without other strong interest, we have no choice but to go back to PMO for kicks

And because low dop levels also depress and causes negativity about everything (no motivation), life sucks and back to PMO we go.

Reboot is not just about quiting PMO. It's about regaining control of your life. It's very serious but too few people understand the implications of continued PMO activities.

Please take charge of your life now.

Attempting This

I've dealt with a number of problems in my sexuality. For a number of years I've struggled with the following problems: - inability to orgasm during PiV sex (across multiple partners) - difficulty focusing on sexual act with partner - deeper and deeper interest in humiliation-style content to...

forum.rebootnation.org

 

[Brianstorm]

So far so good today.

 

[Brianstorm]

I just did it. Barely a few hours into the new year. Dammit! It was a good day too. My niece and nephews finally got to play the Switch they got for Christmas because my one nephew has been sick. Later on my whole family ate together at the table which we never usually do because it's always covered in papers and things. But we had cleaned it off to play board games, which we did after eating. Played until almost 12 then watched the ball drop. But I am tired and again that left me open. I even felt it, deep down, like it's inevitable. I thought of putting cold water on my dick which worked once but I didn't. Ug. I really just hate how even the faintest notion of resistance disappears. Like I'm suddenly a different person. A different brain.

 

[Simon2]

That's what addiction does. You need a solid plan. How can you stop yourself next time? What can you learn from this failure? 2023 has just begun and it CAN become the year you quit porn!

 

[Brianstorm]

I haven't been here in over a month. It was bad at first, doing it a bunch of times a week, sometimes days in a row. Which for me is a lot, especially as I go for hours, sometimes all night. But after a while I stopped doing it as often. Lately it's been hardly at all, been keeping busy. But just did it and feel like crud. Ug. It's easy to feel dejected and defeated. But I can't give up. Looking at porn just isn't me. It's the anomaly in my life. Like another person taking over. I hate it. I need to excise it from life, remove the tumor that is porn. Once more into breach.

 

[Brianstorm]

So far the Welbutrin hasn't done much. I'm on a higher dose now but still don't have motivation. And my porn use has been worse lately.
I saw on Reddit someone said they got over porn by not punishing themselves for it. They just admitted that they liked it and were choosing to do it. And eventually that allowed them to stop doing it. I want to do that. If I say I have control enough maybe it will happen.