A fresh start for a mountain goat ⛰️

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 47 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Good day so far!

Started the day with seeing my physiotherapist, then worked at the office in the morning. Had lunch with colleagues. Then went to spend some time outdoors on my own to enjoy the beautiful weather. I like that I'm able to take some time for myself after last week. Especially as I know the end of the week will be nicely busy.

I started meditating again for the last two days and hope I will keep it going. I know it's a good way for me to be present, to remember to breathe and to step back etc.

Tomorrow, not much planned before the middle of the afternoon yet. Thinking of going to the pool. Do some solo work. In the evening, I'm going climbing with the girl I started dating, which makes me happy!
 
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the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 48 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Good day. To start with the positive... Went to the pool, finished a book, had a nice climbing session and continued planning my trip to North Amercia.

Yet, a bit annoyed and frustrated by my work schedule at the moment. Struggling to organize my time. I've got about 10-15 hours of work scattered across the week, whereas normally I manage to concentrate all of these in two specific days. Will talk about it with my boss in the coming days... It's hard to put myself in the mindset of working on and off many times a day. I'd rather be super focused and efficient for two entire days.

For now I'm not worried that this will lead to triggering situations. I will be very busy in the coming days, we've got a bunch of friends visiting us (my housemates and I) this weekend. It will be nice but I will need to entertain some me-time still, as I know at the moment I'm more of a cat: I see myself as someone who's generally more of a dog (i.e. very social, get energy from others etc.) but sometimes I've got 'cat' phases when I've been too much of a dog. I've been enjoying a lot of quiet me-times for the past three days. Hope the dog-cat analogy makes sense!
 
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TypeN

Active Member
Day 48 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


Good day. To start with the positive... Went to the pool, finished a book, had a nice climbing session and continued planning my trip to North Amercia.

Yet, a bit annoyed and frustrated by my work schedule at the moment. Struggling to organize my time. I've got about 10-15 hours of work scattered across the week, whereas normally I manage to concentrate all of these in two specific days. Will talk about it with my boss in the coming days... It's hard to put myself in the mindset of working on and off many times a day. I'd rather be super focused and efficient for two entire days.

For now I'm not worried that this will lead to triggering situations. I will be very busy in the coming days, we've got a bunch of friends visiting us (my housemates and I) this weekend. It will be nice but I will need to entertain some me-time still, as I know at the moment I'm more of a cat: I see myself as someone who's generally more of a dog (i.e. very social, get energy from others etc.) but sometimes I've got 'cat' phases when I've been too much of a dog. I've been enjoying a lot of quiet me-times for the past three days. Hope the dog-cat analogy makes sense!

Love the cat-dog analogy, definitely makes sense!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 52 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


Doing well. Little trip with the lady was just lovely, good chemistry, good privileged time just the two of us to get to know each other etc. Came back very happy. I told her about porn and my relationship to it, she was super open and listening. Made me feel even more safe with her. I still need some time to feel fully comfortable with her sexually, and to me this comes with telling her what my desires are (for now I'm less focussed on myself sexually, more on giving, gotta ask myself what I like, and then feel comfortable sharing that with her - not easy).

Read a cool article this morning that inspired me a little, about how sexuality reflects society (or the other way around) and thus, how we just want everything to be fast, intense and efficient (entirely reflected in porn, even more so that in real sex, it's just pure, endless consumerism...!); and thus questioning how this isn't probably the most enjoyable way to have sex. The article suggested something else: taking our time, building up desire, creating want/need by being slower etc. :)

My trip with the girlfriend was followed by an (still ongoing!) intense weekend with many old friends visiting us at my shared house. Fun but busy! Took some time to chill on my own this morning (and write here) before joining them. So grateful to have them with us, it's loads of fun.

PS: work update, my work schedule will be better organised next week, less sprinkled and more concentrated.
 
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the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 58 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


It's been a while. A bit of a hectic week. I'm feeling the stress of my upcoming departure for six weeks to North America creep up, I haven't slept well in the last 5 days. Trouble falling asleep and then very light, troubled sleep with nightmares etc. On top of that, I'm getting a little sick (just a cold, but still...).

The result of little sleep at night is a general feeling of tiredness coupled with anxiety. There is a stress and frustration around the idea of leaving for six weeks. I was happy about it before, and probably will be happy about it once I'm there traveling, but right now I'm stressed, hard to coin exactly why, but here are some reasons...
  • Life here is good and I have FOMO around the idea of leaving for 6 weeks
  • I'm just in the middle of starting a relationship and I wish I had a little more time
  • The reason I'm leaving is partly work (partly holiday), and the work part is a bit stressful at the moment as what I'm going to do there isn't fully ready...
  • The idea of leaving soon creates a sort of chaotic mindset; trying to do a lot/enjoy life here; but in a messy way; always jumping from one thing to the next
I MOed three days ago. It was at the end of a nap in the afternoon and woke up naturally horny and relaxed. It was enjoyable! I like to see it as a way to connect with myself, my body, relax etc. It didn't lead to wanting more the following days so that's good, no chaser effect :)

Otherwise, trying to shift my focus to positive things...
  • Work is advancing, feeling more and more ready for my upcoming work in North America
  • A friend's family came to visit, it was super nice to meet them, take them skiing in the mountains
  • Went climbing outdoors with the girl I'm dating yesterday, it was nice!
Today I cancelled the outdoor activities I had planned, I felt too tired and wanted to respect my limits and rest. Will take time for myself:
  • Wrote here ✔️
  • A little bit of work ✔️
  • Yoga
  • Physio exercices ✔️
  • Making a nice, fresh and healthy lunch for myself ✔️
  • Reading a book ✔️
  • Face mask (why not?!) ✔️
  • Meditate ✔️
  • Tonight the girlfriend is coming, nice dinner, massage and relaxation - said I might need to sleep on my own to maximize the chances of my actually falling asleep tonight!
PS: it's been nearly two months without P! Ready to celebrate :)
 
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TypeN

Active Member
Day 58 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


It's been a while. A bit of a hectic week. I'm feeling the stress of my upcoming departure for six weeks to North America creep up, I haven't slept well in the last 5 days. Trouble falling asleep and then very light, troubled sleep with nightmares etc. On top of that, I'm getting a little sick (just a cold, but still...).

The result of little sleep at night is a general feeling of tiredness coupled with anxiety. There is a stress and frustration around the idea of leaving for six weeks. I was happy about it before, and probably will be happy about it once I'm there traveling, but right now I'm stressed, hard to coin exactly why, but here are some reasons...
  • Life here is good and I have FOMO around the idea of leaving for 6 weeks
  • I'm just in the middle of starting a relationship and I wish I had a little more time
  • The reason I'm leaving is partly work (partly holiday), and the work part is a bit stressful at the moment as what I'm going to do there isn't fully ready...
  • The idea of leaving soon creates a sort of chaotic mindset; trying to do a lot/enjoy life here; but in a messy way; always jumping from one thing to the next
I MOed three days ago. It was at the end of a nap in the afternoon and woke up naturally horny and relaxed. It was enjoyable! I like to see it as a way to connect with myself, my body, relax etc. It didn't lead to wanting more the following days so that's good, no chaser effect :)

Otherwise, trying to shift my focus to positive things...
  • Work is advancing, feeling more and more ready for my upcoming work in North America
  • A friend's family came to visit, it was super nice to meet them, take them skiing in the mountains
  • Went climbing outdoors with the girl I'm dating yesterday, it was nice!
Today I cancelled the outdoor activities I had planned, I felt too tired and wanted to respect my limits and rest. Will take time for myself:
  • Wrote here ✔️
  • A little bit of work ✔️
  • Yoga
  • Physio exercices ✔️
  • Making a nice, fresh and healthy lunch for myself ✔️
  • Reading a book
  • Face mask (why not?!)
  • Meditate
  • Tonight the girlfriend is coming, nice dinner, massage and relaxation - said I might need to sleep on my own to maximize the chances of my actually falling asleep tonight!
PS: it's been nearly two months without P! Ready to celebrate :)

Good reflections man. I think it's great that you've thoughtfully deconstructed the various things that are likely causing your stress and anxiety. Those feelings are much more dangerous to us when we don't understand them. Also, good that the MO you had is not causing you any chaser or distress feelings -- a sure sign of healing.

Hope you have a great evening with your companion!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 59 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


Yesterday ended up being a nice day. Re-centering. Doing little intense activities. Being with myself.

I suffered from FOMO -fear of missing out- a little bit at a few moments, as I had cancelled the outdoor activities I was supposed to do. I imagined the friends I was supposed to be with doing cool things. But then I tried to remember why I had cancelled it in the first place!

I finally slept well. Feels great. I feel like I need another night of good sleep to feel like I am back to a functioning self. But this is already an improvement. I was out of it yesterday in terms of energy, it was hard to be "social" and "present" with my companion. Which made me feel bad. Told her "sorry I don't think it's you, I'm just exhausted and need to sleep and recharge". Wasn't easy but I'm glad I was honest.

Finally was able to focus on a book. I had realised I wasn't able to last week. Took some time to meditate too.

Will also need to slowly prepare for my trip to avoid some potentially overwhelming days before my departure!

A lot of "finallys" I realised - as if I was retaining my breath the entire week.

Today I'm just going on a chill (very chill) hike with two friends, with whom I hope to catch up and laugh!

And... quoting M. @TypeN here to capture what he nicely shared yesterday, to keep it at hand as it resonates with me a lot! Love the "rewiring not just dewiring" idea.
For the addiction-learning part of this I've been listening to Trish Leigh's "Porn Brain Rewire" podcast. It's a good fit for me because I like to listen to podcasts while I get other things done, and Trish is engaging and a good communicator. It's also nice to have an empathetic female voice talking and giving advice about these issues. This addiction skews heavily male so hearing a smart woman talking about it makes me feel less estranged in that respect.

I've mentioned this several times before, but I think what's missing from my life right now is self-care activities, which she talks a lot about as part of "rewiring," not just "dewiring." Lately the biggest way I've been exercising "self-care" is not forcing myself to do exhausting or difficult things: not working out when I'm way too tired, not doing big chores if I'm just not up to them yet, not responding to texts or emails right away if I need some time for other things first. And it's good that I'm giving myself that leeway, but those choices don't reflect actively comforting or pleasurable self-care; just avoiding burnout. I need to build in some comfort and joy in my life. Otherwise I'm not rewiring.
 
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TypeN

Active Member
Day 59 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


Yesterday ended up being a nice day. Re-centering. Doing little intense activities. Being with myself.

I suffered from FOMO -fear of missing out- a little bit at a few moments, as I had cancelled the outdoor activities I was supposed to do. I imagined the friends I was supposed to be with doing cool things. But then I tried to remember why I had cancelled it in the first place!

I finally slept well. Feels great. I feel like I need another night of good sleep to feel like I am back to a functioning self. But this is already an improvement. I was out of it yesterday in terms of energy, it was hard to be "social" and "present" with my companion. Which made me feel bad. Told her "sorry I don't think it's you, I'm just exhausted and need to sleep and recharge". Wasn't easy but I'm glad I was honest.

Finally was able to focus on a book. I had realised I wasn't able to last week. Took some time to meditate too.

Will also need to slowly prepare for my trip to avoid some potentially overwhelming days before my departure!

A lot of "finallys" I realised - as if I was retaining my breath the entire week.

Today I'm just going on a chill (very chill) hike with two friends, with whom I hope to catch up and laugh!

And... quoting M. @TypeN here to capture what he nicely shared yesterday, to keep it at hand as it resonates with me a lot! Love the "rewiring not just dewiring" idea.

Excellent man. And hey -- giving yourself this space and time to recuperate and rest, means there are so many great things you won't miss out on in the future. :) And more happy energy for your partner, and so on.
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Hey man, congratulations on all the positive thing that you are making happen in your life!
It seems like you are in control and bringing all the good changes in your life, and that is admirable!
Is impressive you are dating because of one of the suggestions of this forum, haha.

Congratulations on two months!
Cheers
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 60 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


So glad I took this weekend to recharge and do 'nothing' (in brackets, as I know I did things, just didn't do any physical/outdoors activity, which is a mindset that we tend to fall into living in a mountain town! everything that doesn't involve moving up and down outside with the power of your body isn't something worth mentioning, HA!). Gotta change that mindset a little bit, internally at least.

Yesterday, I spent some very valuable time with friends. Just enjoying each other's company, have deep conversations that will stuck with me, and loads of laughter, always!

Today, I took some more time to prep my travel, and this is good as it gets me excited about it (rather than stressed and/or sad and panicky because I'm leaving for a long time!).

Work is moving forward, the more prepared the less scared I am.

I like how I see others on this forum starting creative things. I've ordered film for my film camera so I can artfully document my 6 weeks of trip to North America! I'm also keen to maintain a bond with the companion in my life, I think I will send postcards of the places I visit :)

It seems like you are in control and bringing all the good changes in your life, and that is admirable!
Is impressive you are dating because of one of the suggestions of this forum, haha.
Congratulations on two months!
Thanks @Trisquel :) It's true that it was all triggered by TypeN's comment hehe.

Also, thanks @TypeN and @Simon2 for your kind and encouraging words!
 
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the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 63 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Good beginning of the week. Slowly preparing my traveling, which reduces stress. Had an evening for myself on Monday, I started watching the great The Last of Us. Nice to have a “me time” evening, a rare thing! That same night I had a porn dream (but didn’t MO or anything, just dreamt about watching porn) and that felt strange. I know I can’t help it, it’s a sign that porn is still there in my head and that it will take a lot of time to for it to leave entirely (will it ever?).

Happy about reaching two months of no porn! Last time I did a long streak was in 2021, which was about 3 months and a week. After that 2022 was super messy. So I’m glad I feel “back on track”.

Things I’m grateful for this week…
- My projects at work are getting clearer and readier. Boosting confidence.
- I’m going to do a lot of nice activities with friends this week: concert, spa, restaurant, skiing. Grateful to have them in my life.
- I’m seeing my family before I leave, it will be nice to reconnect.
- My sleep is doing A LOT better!

Since Tuesday until my departure early next week: loads of ‘social’ things every evening! I’m making the most of my last few European days (but will be back in 6 weeks hehe).

Some concerns about my relationship. This is creating a bit of anxiety, finding the best way to handle it. Will talk about it with my therapist. I know that if the relationship was to end, it would mean a triggering situation, PMO-wise. My brain would tell me "well now you don't have to be P-free, you're on your own so it's OK". So I have to be mindful of that and make sure I don't get tricked into relapsing if this was to happen. I have to remind myself of all the great things I've discovered thanks to no P. All the great habits I've developed. With P back many of them would fade away. I would need to stay strong.
 
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TypeN

Active Member
Day 63 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


Good beginning of the week. Slowly preparing my traveling, which reduces stress. Had an evening for myself on Monday, I started watching the great The Last of Us. Nice to have a “me time” evening, a rare thing! That same night I had a porn dream (but didn’t MO or anything, just dreamt about watching porn) and that felt strange. I know I can’t help it, it’s a sign that porn is still there in my head and that it will take a lot of time to for it to leave entirely (will it ever?).

Happy about reaching two months of no porn! Last time I did a long streak was in 2021, which was about 3 months and a week. After that 2022 was super messy. So I’m glad I feel “back on track”.

Things I’m grateful for this week…
- My projects at work are getting clearer and readier. Boosting confidence.
- I’m going to do a lot of nice activities with friends this week: concert, spa, restaurant, skiing. Grateful to have them in my life.
- I’m seeing my family before I leave, it will be nice to reconnect.
- My sleep is doing A LOT better!

Since Tuesday until my departure early next week: loads of ‘social’ things every evening! I’m making the most of my last few European days (but will be back in 6 weeks hehe).

Some concerns about my relationship. This is creating a bit of anxiety, finding the best way to handle it. Will talk about it with my therapist. I know that if the relationship was to end, it would mean a triggering situation, PMO-wise. My brain would tell me "well now you don't have to be P-free, you're on your own so it's OK". So I have to be mindful of that and make sure I don't get tricked into relapsing if this was to happen. I have to remind myself of all the great things I've discovered thanks to no P. All the great habits I've developed. With P back many of them would fade away. I would need to stay strong.

I've been thinking I should check out The Last of Us! I've heard good things.

I feel you about the last thing you mentioned very much. I think this is such a core part of the addictive mindset: "something went wrong, so I deserve this." Those are some of the thoughts I've struggled with in the past few days too, because of feeling down. So it's great that you already see that for what it is. And I think these anxieties offer a good chance to remind yourself of something you've said many times, that porn does not relax you, that it does not make you feel better, that it does not meet your sexual needs, and so on. A partner coming or going does not change how true any of those things are (as you know :)).
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 66 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO ▇ real, happy sex


It's been a hectic week, knowing that I'll be leaving soon. Jumping from one thing to another, enjoying my week. It's been fun! Doing that for longer would have been hard on me (it's a bit exhausting), so I'm glad I'm leaving tomorrow, hehe.

Anxiety about the relationship faded away after a difficult but important conversation. We will see where this goes. I like to be exploring different ways of 'doing' relationships. I know the traditional way doesn't work with me. Thank goodness we're in the 21st century and many things are possible!

I like the balance I'm starting to reach in terms of O frequency, about once a week / 4 times a month. That feels like it's giving my body and mind what they need :)

Some financial anxiety too, but will sort that out soon.

Almost ready for my trip. I'm getting excited.

Went to see a cool theatre show last night. I'm glad I'm living in a place where so many cool things are happening despite being a smaller mountain town. Grateful for this vibrant cultural scene. It offers a nice balance with mountain activities.
 
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Trisquel

Active Member
Hey man, congratulations on two months and beyond!

Your city seems like a very nice place, I'm starting to be envious! I moved last year to somewhere were there are no mountains and I miss it sometimes.

I also had a P dream last night. Not exactly P, but the dream was about me watching P. It is kinda weir, but I always feel happy when I realized it was a dream and I don't have to restart my counter in real life, haha.

Good luck in your travel! Glad to hear things are going good.
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 68 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ▇ ▇
← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Leaving for North America. Loads of feelings. Leaving for enough time to make me feel both excited and a bit sad to leave home.

Had a porn related dream last night. Strange! Funny, I think it’s because I mentioned Reddit here and it probably brought back some memories of wild relapses. As I woke up from those dreams I did have some urges (distant ones). In any case, luckily, I wasn’t in a place where a relapse could happen, so that’s good.

As this happened, I relate a lot to what @Trisquel said in his thread.

I had sexual thought and urges, but I could let them go. Pretty proud of that, I feel I can manage this things more easealy and look at the urges and sexual feelings as addiction-driven, not as something I really want.

I really felt like that. Realising it was there and saying “OK, no thank you, I’ll get on with my day instead”.
 
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the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 71 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ▇ ▇ ▇← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Started traveling. On the other side of the Atlantic now! Jumping right into a new culture. Liking it! It's also a nice, soft landing into this new world as I'm first staying at a very good friend's place. Already meeting new and interesting people.

MOed yesterday as it had been a while since the last 'release' and I could feel the energy building up (together with some natural horniness!). I'd rather enjoy this consciously than having a wet dream in the coming days (awkward especially if you're not home!) This desire has been also 'supported' by super strong morning woods, which are more frequent but also very new (and satisfying), my sense is that it's a sign of healing as @First_step_thousand_miles also noticed for himself.

I want to enjoy this long trip to try and seriously get back to running. By seriously, I mean 'slowly' and 'in a smart' and 'progressive' way. I have some recurring injuries that I want to work around with, not against. I like running because it's an activity that I can do pretty much anywhere, so it's nice while on a trip. I need to make sure I do this in parallel with the physio exercises I've been given.

The coming weeks are going to be packed. Can't wait! But also I really want to try and be present and not always be looking forward to the next thing. That's why I also want to get back to film photography. Because it's a way to sit down and take a closer look at the moments you're experiencing and decide, consciously, to capture them.
 
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TypeN

Active Member
Welcome to the americas my friend. I love that you're rekindling these interests of yours on this trip, and balancing an energetic one with a more mindful one.

My physio also assigned me some home exercises ... I guess I'll take your example and actually do them tomorrow!
 

the_mountain_goat

Active Member
Day 73 - no P

November
December ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
Januarywr ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇
FebruaryW ▇ ▇ ▇← I'm here!

▇ no PMO ▇ PMO ▇ healthy MO


Enjoying the trip so far. Reunited with colleagues I hadn't seen in a while. Discovering new places (and battling the cold, haha). I'm very grateful.

I MOed again last night. It's OK BUT I haven't done MO sessions so close to each other in the last 3 months so I have to be very mindful now. I don't want it to become a slippery slope, as the thought did occur to me as it was happening at the beginning "Oh, I'm alone, I could take a peak at P" - but then diverted that thought and enjoyed myself without any P. I know what created the desire: I was tired, yet it was early, it was my first night in my hotel room on my own, and it seemed like the only thing I wanted to do. Plus, there's a form of excitement around being alone and "free". And I had had alcohol during dinner which loosened my grip on myself, and which made it so that I couldn't focus on the book I could have read instead.

So my first conclusion... no MO until March 4th or 5th at the latest. That's really important to me. I want to maintain the energy in me and not release it all the time. That energy will help me perform for the work I have to do this week, be a socially present and energizing person etc.

Then, next question, for the next few days here (then I won't be in a hotel on my own anymore), what can I do...
  • Well, first, make sure I don't drink more than one glass of wine during dinner
  • Read a book
  • Go to the gym (will go after writing this post)
  • Get out of the room and have a herbal tea
  • Watch a movie
  • Write here
  • Call a friend
  • Go get a yoga mat and do some yoga
  • Meditate
  • Plan the rest of my trip
 
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