Making some big changes

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Moses56

Member
I am 55 years old, divorced about 5 years. Porn played a part in my divorce but it wasn't the biggest part.

This is my second day porn free. I am not tempted to look at porn today, not at all, and probably won't be for a week. I put a counter on my phone for freedom from porn and freedom from whisky. I am still drinking beer but beer does not cause any problems. Whisky and hard liquor cause big problems.

I have not been in a relationship now for a long time and am happy being single.

I really just wanted to start this thread as a journal so I can hop on and post when thoughts come to mind and when I am tempted. Thank you.
 
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Moses56

Member
I have a lot of time on my hands, a lot of free time. I only work 40 hours per week and I don't have a social life. I can't afford to go out for entertainment. I have various hobbies. One of my hobbies is writing but I have to be in the right mood for that, inspired and feeling it. I find myself on my Chromebook a lot which is where porn comes in. The chat rooms are especially addictive. I have never suffered from ED. My problem with porn is that it makes me feel depressed. When I feel depressed I don't take care of myself and turn to porn to feel good again. It's a cycle. Yesterday I made some big life changes, I started a counter to be free from hard liquor, started a counter for freedom from porn, Monday evening I begin a weekly group therapy session that teaches various personality strengths beginning with assertiveness. I am still a little shaky from alcohol withdrawal this morning (yesterday was really bad) but I did my laundry this morning, picked up meds I had gone without for a while (no self care), got some groceries I needed, and I feel good about the rest of the weekend.

I don't feel I will be tempted to look at porn this weekend, the end result is too fresh in my mind. I have a blocker on my computer now also which will make me think twice about it.
 
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Moses56

Member
I thought about the first phase of temptation and just deleted my entire downloads contents where all screenshots are saved to. There were 1700 screenshots and downloads. It was very easy to "Select All" then delete them.
 
Beautiful1973

Beautiful1973

Active Member
CamAddict199618 said:
My problem with porn is that it makes me feel depressed. When I feel depressed I don't take care of myself and turn to porn to feel good again. It's a cycle.
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I think a lot of guys struggle with this same cycle.
The Therapy session sounds interesting, looking forward to hearing more about that over the coming weeks.
 
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Moses56

Member
I cleaned myself up early this morning, trimmed all my nails, trimmed beard and mustache, shaved, took a thorough shower, then I put on fresh clean warm clothes for the day, including deodorant and cologne. I am going to feel good about myself all day. I have very little temptation to look at porn today, I don't need it and don't want it in my life. I have a normal sex drive which means very high for most men. Sex drive does not diminish as you get older, I think it increases. I am not as easily turned on now at age 55 as I was at 18, granted, but the need for sexual release is as strong as ever. I am not so sure what I will do when the need becomes crucial. I don't see myself totally going without masturbation but I know it is not necessary to have porn to orgasm. The problem if you look at anything to stimulate your imagination is the need for just a little bit more the next time.
 
Beautiful1973

Beautiful1973

Active Member
CamAddict199618 said:
I cleaned myself up early this morning, trimmed all my nails, trimmed beard and mustache, shaved, took a thorough shower, then I put on fresh clean warm clothes for the day, including deodorant and cologne. I am going to feel good about myself all day.
Click to expand...
I love this, I can not emphasize enough the role selfcare plays in overcoming this addiction, you will see me banging on about it all over the forum. Well done on the effort you put in today.
 
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Moses56

Member
I hit a patch of black ice Friday morning and wrecked my car. I am 17 days free from porn again. For me porn and alcohol go together. I get a little drunk, my common sense gets disconnected and I succumb to temptation. I am going to quit drinking any alcohol. The very idea of it makes me feel better and my mind is freed from this fog. I may go to sex addict anonymous meetings.
 
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Moses56

Member
Today I am thirty days free from porn. I am more positive about life, starting to get my senses back. I am working on selling a lot of my stuff to put together a down payment for a car. It is very cold here this morning 6°F and the roads are icy. Laundry is in the dryer.

I hate it when I think somebody stole one of my tools and I find it later, not where it should be, and I had set something else on top of it.
 
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