I am 46 years old, single, and Catholic. I am a researcher and university professor. I consider myself a positive person and a lover of challenges and novelties. I like to learn and help others.
My problems with pornography began in 2012. Since I was a teenager I had masturbation streaks, although I managed long periods (3 or 4 years, for example) where I didn't have any episodes.
Without realizing it, pornography was installed in my life and I did not realize all the evils that were increasing. The first suffering I had was not being able to tell what was happening to me and, consequently, the feeling of a “double life”. Later, thanks to a good friendship, I was able to tell it and this helped and relieved me a lot.
A mental fact that tormented me enormously is coming to believe that my preferences to consume pornography were real preferences of my sexuality. So I saw myself as a monster under the skin of a normal person.
As time went by, I needed more new insight and more exposure time to weird or embarrassing categories. At first, I thought I would never consume that type of pornography but, as time went by, I fell into that and more. Participating in telegram groups making video calls or Live sex cams and adult chat for free sites was especially negative for me. This was very negative for me and greatly increased my addiction.
Even I had classified this reality of mine as an addiction for a long time (I did not deny it), I could not get out!!. I prayed a lot to God to help me.
I got to a point where I was really sick of this. I wanted to watch porn at any time, I would download videos to save them “in case I didn't have internet access”. I noticed the phenomenon was increasing (both time exposure, as well as experiences and tastes).
A month ago I started watching videos to quit PMO and started to read the book "your brain on porn".
I haven't watched pornography for 20 days and I feel like a different person. I can really affirm that I feel like another person. I follow the recommendations of several YouTubers and the book "your brain on porn". My triggers are free time and more specifically free time when I was to sleep, at night. Another trigger is Instagram (I uninstalled it from my iPad and I am thinking about uninstalling it also on my iPhone...). Other trigger is related to the mirrors in my bathroom and my room (embarrassing, no?).
I deal with anxiety through sports, gym, and books. I decreased the time on my laptop (in my room).
I realize that I need to integrate into a community like this to receive accompaniment and support. I am available to help whoever needs it too.
My problems with pornography began in 2012. Since I was a teenager I had masturbation streaks, although I managed long periods (3 or 4 years, for example) where I didn't have any episodes.
Without realizing it, pornography was installed in my life and I did not realize all the evils that were increasing. The first suffering I had was not being able to tell what was happening to me and, consequently, the feeling of a “double life”. Later, thanks to a good friendship, I was able to tell it and this helped and relieved me a lot.
A mental fact that tormented me enormously is coming to believe that my preferences to consume pornography were real preferences of my sexuality. So I saw myself as a monster under the skin of a normal person.
As time went by, I needed more new insight and more exposure time to weird or embarrassing categories. At first, I thought I would never consume that type of pornography but, as time went by, I fell into that and more. Participating in telegram groups making video calls or Live sex cams and adult chat for free sites was especially negative for me. This was very negative for me and greatly increased my addiction.
Even I had classified this reality of mine as an addiction for a long time (I did not deny it), I could not get out!!. I prayed a lot to God to help me.
I got to a point where I was really sick of this. I wanted to watch porn at any time, I would download videos to save them “in case I didn't have internet access”. I noticed the phenomenon was increasing (both time exposure, as well as experiences and tastes).
A month ago I started watching videos to quit PMO and started to read the book "your brain on porn".
I haven't watched pornography for 20 days and I feel like a different person. I can really affirm that I feel like another person. I follow the recommendations of several YouTubers and the book "your brain on porn". My triggers are free time and more specifically free time when I was to sleep, at night. Another trigger is Instagram (I uninstalled it from my iPad and I am thinking about uninstalling it also on my iPhone...). Other trigger is related to the mirrors in my bathroom and my room (embarrassing, no?).
I deal with anxiety through sports, gym, and books. I decreased the time on my laptop (in my room).
I realize that I need to integrate into a community like this to receive accompaniment and support. I am available to help whoever needs it too.
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