Hardwired from self-destruct
- Thread starter iwander
- Start date
Day 9
Terrible day. For two days I felt like an empty can and had a pain in my shoulder. Didn't had enough energy for doing any kind of sport too. Also felt kinda lonely. My productivity dropped to 1-2 hours and I felt sleepy most of the day. In this condition I quickly went for self-pity. As a result I did PMO today. I used all kinds of excuses to do it: just to find out the name of the star, I can stop at any moment, I am just watching not masturbating etc. It happened in the evening when I felt weakest. Sad thing I guess is that I O'd without M, by just watching That's definitely bad for my recovery. I am gonna write emergency plan for conditions like this, when I come to my senses.
On a good side I made it twice days I held before. Also I did PMO only once, before it would happen at least twice. Another is that I came here to write about it instead of shutting off.
Mission failed, we'll get em next time
Terrible day. For two days I felt like an empty can and had a pain in my shoulder. Didn't had enough energy for doing any kind of sport too. Also felt kinda lonely. My productivity dropped to 1-2 hours and I felt sleepy most of the day. In this condition I quickly went for self-pity. As a result I did PMO today. I used all kinds of excuses to do it: just to find out the name of the star, I can stop at any moment, I am just watching not masturbating etc. It happened in the evening when I felt weakest. Sad thing I guess is that I O'd without M, by just watching That's definitely bad for my recovery. I am gonna write emergency plan for conditions like this, when I come to my senses.
On a good side I made it twice days I held before. Also I did PMO only once, before it would happen at least twice. Another is that I came here to write about it instead of shutting off.
Mission failed, we'll get em next time
Day 1/3
Day was pretty good. Did some damage control since yesterday, had an urge to went for PMO again but I handled it easy. Changed my working environment for being more productive and it worked. Anyway I am glad my slip didn't lead me to a depression or binge.
NO PMO today
Day was pretty good. Did some damage control since yesterday, had an urge to went for PMO again but I handled it easy. Changed my working environment for being more productive and it worked. Anyway I am glad my slip didn't lead me to a depression or binge.
NO PMO today
Day 2/3
The day was more good than bad. I did yoga in the morning and went for a run in the evening. Also completed on the new course I took on soft skills. I spent some good time on watching movies today, but nothing bad except that. I keep reminding myself in the moment of crisis that I am not a victim so I do not act like one.
NO PMO today
The day was more good than bad. I did yoga in the morning and went for a run in the evening. Also completed on the new course I took on soft skills. I spent some good time on watching movies today, but nothing bad except that. I keep reminding myself in the moment of crisis that I am not a victim so I do not act like one.
NO PMO today
Good stuff my friend. That's a good attitude. And hey, it's nice to watch movies on the weekends sometimes. It makes you more cultured!
Day 3/5
I did not write yesterday evening so I'm filling in the gap. I decided spent some money and time on myself: I did yoga, meditated, had a nice meal at the cafe and went to sauna, I forgot how nice it was. At evening though I felt asleep watching podcast on economics and that's why I didn't write anything. Anyway days are pretty good
NO PMO today
I did not write yesterday evening so I'm filling in the gap. I decided spent some money and time on myself: I did yoga, meditated, had a nice meal at the cafe and went to sauna, I forgot how nice it was. At evening though I felt asleep watching podcast on economics and that's why I didn't write anything. Anyway days are pretty good
NO PMO today
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Hey iwander! I'm happy to read that your first post-relapse days are going well. They are usually the toughest ones!
Thanks, brother! Yes they are, it's like you learning again your triggers and patterns that lead to it. Wish you staying strong and positive too!
Thanks, for support. Balance is the key really. What I meant is that I have a big imagination and sometimes I invest myself too much on movies or fantasy books. But yeah watching new movie or genre is a greatGood stuff my friend. That's a good attitude. And hey, it's nice to watch movies on the weekends sometimes. It makes you more cultured!
Day 4/5
Day was pretty productive, really. I did however MO in the morning, wasn't expecting that. After that felt triggered really good, managed to hold myself and focused on work. I feel like I am gaining something like awareness mode when something triggers me to go for PMO I understand it better and consequences.
NO PMO today
Day was pretty productive, really. I did however MO in the morning, wasn't expecting that. After that felt triggered really good, managed to hold myself and focused on work. I feel like I am gaining something like awareness mode when something triggers me to go for PMO I understand it better and consequences.
NO PMO today
Day 5/7
Day was not as productive as I wanted. Was a little tired physically so I did not do much. Spent a good time on practicing soft skills in group. It was pretty stressful, but fun. On a bad note I fell asleep on my bed without taking shower or meditating as I usually do. Gonna stay away in future from bed if I am not ready to go to sleep. And as a result I didn't fill the journal, so again I do it first thing in the morning.
NO PMO today
Day was not as productive as I wanted. Was a little tired physically so I did not do much. Spent a good time on practicing soft skills in group. It was pretty stressful, but fun. On a bad note I fell asleep on my bed without taking shower or meditating as I usually do. Gonna stay away in future from bed if I am not ready to go to sleep. And as a result I didn't fill the journal, so again I do it first thing in the morning.
NO PMO today
Day 6/7
Day was a little stressful for me. Did MO in the morning, that kicked me up pretty good and I was triggered for a good part of the day - came to looking for P pictures on the web, thankfully I managed to hold myself . Lately I was looking at MO as an alternative, but I'm gonna tone it down for the next couple weeks. I went for a usual run today and finishing my day on a high note making this post here.
NO PMO today
Day was a little stressful for me. Did MO in the morning, that kicked me up pretty good and I was triggered for a good part of the day - came to looking for P pictures on the web, thankfully I managed to hold myself . Lately I was looking at MO as an alternative, but I'm gonna tone it down for the next couple weeks. I went for a usual run today and finishing my day on a high note making this post here.
NO PMO today
the_mountain_goat
Active Member
Good that you stopped. Crazy how MO is linked to me for most of us and we end up wanting P the following days! Hard to deconstruct this…! Keep it up!
Day 7/10
Today was struggling at some point. I snapped to searching some P images a few times but after about a minute I stopped, which caused a decrease in my concentration during work. I am not proud of it, hopefully I will suppress this urges in the days to come.
NO PMO today
Today was struggling at some point. I snapped to searching some P images a few times but after about a minute I stopped, which caused a decrease in my concentration during work. I am not proud of it, hopefully I will suppress this urges in the days to come.
Thanks! MO is linked to P to some of us at this point. MO by itself in my thinking is not bad if it's not random because feeling, planned at specific dates and not about fantasies. But yeah for start better to remove it
NO PMO today
Day 8/10
Was a little foolish yesterday. Got carried away and got searching P pictures and videos. Didn't MO but in some sense it was even more stupid, I did manage pull myself together to go for a walk with a friend. But that day was definitely a setback for my progress. I don't know what to say, gonna be better today.
NO PMO
Was a little foolish yesterday. Got carried away and got searching P pictures and videos. Didn't MO but in some sense it was even more stupid, I did manage pull myself together to go for a walk with a friend. But that day was definitely a setback for my progress. I don't know what to say, gonna be better today.
NO PMO
Day 9/10
Today was better. I did yoga in the morning, took a walk and finished reading a book. Lately I wasn't good at controlling myself over this but I believe I am having a progress, slow but still. Anyway, I am going to sleep now.
Have a good weekend everybody!
NO PMO today
Today was better. I did yoga in the morning, took a walk and finished reading a book. Lately I wasn't good at controlling myself over this but I believe I am having a progress, slow but still. Anyway, I am going to sleep now.
Have a good weekend everybody!
NO PMO today