Hardwired from self-destruct

iwander

Active Member
Day 10
Today was I could say a good day for me. I took a long walk twice today, felt motivated and more calm after each one of it. I am having a lack of sports activity lately, so I am going have a run tomorrow. I realized lately that I returned to placing myself in a victim position in many life and work related fields. Like "oh no I have an addiction, how I am unlucky", or "oh no I have no motivation to work properly or go for a run" I trying to catch these thoughts and tell to myself that I am not a victim of my life choices or circumstances. It's at that moment I see new possibilities and motivation to change something in my life. A great quote I heard today from George Bernard Shaw "Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything". NO PMO today
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 11
Today was a good day. I did a run as I promised for 3 km feel a little proud for myself and tired. I feel like I am more in control lately. Overslept today, even though I went to sleep early. I had a few sexual thoughts in the morning, but overall I fell fine. I guess I promoted back to Private 2nd class. NO PMO today
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 10
Today was I could say a good day for me. I took a long walk twice today, felt motivated and more calm after each one of it. I am having a lack of sports activity lately, so I am going have a run tomorrow. I realized lately that I returned to placing myself in a victim position in many life and work related fields. Like "oh no I have an addiction, how I am unlucky", or "oh no I have no motivation to work properly or go for a run" I trying to catch these thoughts and tell to myself that I am not a victim of my life choices or circumstances. It's at that moment I see new possibilities and motivation to change something in my life. A great quote I heard today from George Bernard Shaw "Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything". NO PMO today
It is very important what we say to ourselves, I'm learning that myself these days.
Congrats on all the good work!
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 11
Today was a good day. I did a run as I promised for 3 km feel a little proud for myself and tired. I feel like I am more in control lately. Overslept today, even though I went to sleep early. I had a few sexual thoughts in the morning, but overall I fell fine. I guess I promoted back to Private 2nd class. NO PMO today
That's great!
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 13
Day went okay I guess. I did some useful things: like reading, walking and grocery shopping etc. However I didn't get them today, so I am going to try again tomorrow. I had a few sexual thoughts in the morning but nothing strong. I does however concern me that some sexual thoughts just pop in the morning or times when I less conscious. But I am getting there when I realize that I didn't think about porn for some time throughout the day. I feel a little unmotivated from time to time to actually do stuff and that's when I try to do little things like cleaning up the room or something else simple in order just to get a spark. Today I had an urge to play video games ( I deleted them all a week ago and decided not to play for a month), and I wanted to install them again but decided that this wouldn't end well and I overcame it. Watched this great video of Jordan Peterson
. The man is just wordsmith and a living common sense. NO PMO today. Also I get promoted back to Private 1st class
 

Trisquel

Active Member
Day 13
Day went okay I guess. I did some useful things: like reading, walking and grocery shopping etc. However I didn't get them today, so I am going to try again tomorrow. I had a few sexual thoughts in the morning but nothing strong. I does however concern me that some sexual thoughts just pop in the morning or times when I less conscious. But I am getting there when I realize that I didn't think about porn for some time throughout the day. I feel a little unmotivated from time to time to actually do stuff and that's when I try to do little things like cleaning up the room or something else simple in order just to get a spark. Today I had an urge to play video games ( I deleted them all a week ago and decided not to play for a month), and I wanted to install them again but decided that this wouldn't end well and I overcame it. Watched this great video of Jordan Peterson
. The man is just wordsmith and a living common sense. NO PMO today. Also I get promoted back to Private 1st class
I think is great you are trying yo keep yourself active, doing small useful things. That´s already a big deal.

I´m trying to control my social media use as I know is also related to my porn addiction, similar to videogames for you, I guess. Good luck with that, sometimes it gets tricky, but is surely the best, not to fall into dopamine traps.

I think is normal thought come and go, we don´t control them really, they are triggered by our daily life, and can also come automatically, out of habit. They are not so special, I wouldn´t worry much about them, just as you wouldn´t worry about a temporaly pimple in your arm: you don´t controll it, is not you, it doesn´t control you, and it´ll go away. The more you involve in healthier alternatives to the dopamine rush of porn, the more your thought will be different too, in my opinion. Also, force of habit is a big thing with cognition, not only with acts. The more you make a habit of thinking about different stuff and letting those P thoughts go away, the easier it´ll get.

Best wishes
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 14
Today was a good day. Did my job fine today and finished the task that I had to a week before but my anxiety was in the way. I am feeling a little bit better since I deleted the instagram and youtube from my phone and my concentration level is increasing. Right now i feel a little bit sick actually, maybe it is just the season, but I am feeling more in control than for the last couple weeks. I still have a sexual thoughts now and than but I think they have a little less effect on me. I came back to learning things on projects that I abandoned a while ago.

I learned something about habits and triggers today. Habit consist of 4 parts: trigger, routine, reward and belief. Trigger is the part when you actually need to use willpower it has a lot more effect and costs less for our conscious state. Triggers consist of 4 parts as well: location, mood, time and reactions. Routine is the zombie mod part when you do something that you usually do, reward is a something that gives you pleasure by the end of your routine actions. And last but not least belief in the habit, your goals and your image of it affects or will affect on you.
I learned it from a free course https://coursera.org/share/ace875e4dd605145d75886055799dee7 . It teaches people about how brain works and how we can master learning processes

NO PMO today
 

Trisquel

Active Member
That sounds good!

I´m with you on the social media use, I´m trying to reduce it, as you know.
I´m sorry about your anxiety problems, I deal with depression, and in my experience it gets better when you start to chose healthy alternatives (exercise, good sleep and eating, meeting friends, no social media, etc...), even if you feel like crap some days. Maybe is something similar for you!
But is great that anxiety is not stopping you from doing your projects, I think that´s super positive.

There´s a book on my list: Atomic Habbits. It talks about all of that!

Cheers.
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 15
Day was productive than usual. Though the news I read today put me in depressing mode I try focussing on my surroundings. I held 7 days without PMO now, which makes me Army Specialist now. I feel more energy in me, now I need to cultivate it, use in good ways. NO PMO today
 
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iwander

Active Member
Day 16
Today wasn't such a great day for me. I had a wet dream about PMO. That set me off in mood. I was okay for half of the day, the other just spent web surfing. Gonna go sleep now, hoping to wake up early and catch up what I missed for today. NO PMO today
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Any ejaculation can cause...ripples of cravings for a bit. So, be on guard and have a plan in case something triggers you. Pushups?
 

TypeN

Active Member
Keep it going man. I think how regularly and thoughtfully you've been posting here shows in the success you've been having.

Congrats on your promotion. 🙏
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 17
Doing a lot better today, though I still feel a little bit off but I try positive thinking and doing healthy habits. I took two long walks today, each time I felt a little better. And I keep journaling in this thread even though I am thinking that I better go to sleep a few minutes early. Overall I think I have less struggling then I did yesterday, which is good. I didn't had catch any triggers and my thoughts a little clearer I think. Still a long way to go. NO PMO today
 

iwander

Active Member
Any ejaculation can cause...ripples of cravings for a bit. So, be on guard and have a plan in case something triggers you. Pushups?
Wet dream triggered me a little bit, last time I relapsed it all began after one. So yeah, even after involuntarily action it catches up with you as a result of an old habit. I try walking, meditation and yoga as physical activities they do help a lot to clear my mind
 

iwander

Active Member
Day 18
Day was 50/50. I am trying to keep healthy lifestyle but I feel decline in social and sport activity. Trying to fight it, gonna try to walk tomorrow a lot. Hope I'll feel more active. On a higher note I did one task that was a pain in my ass and I didn't want to start doing but I did it and it was successful. NO PMO today
 

TypeN

Active Member
Day 18
Day was 50/50. I am trying to keep healthy lifestyle but I feel decline in social and sport activity. Trying to fight it, gonna try to walk tomorrow a lot. Hope I'll feel more active. On a higher note I did one task that was a pain in my ass and I didn't want to start doing but I did it and it was successful. NO PMO today
That's great man. Maybe since you did that difficult task you can find some way to reward yourself? I know I need to do more of that.

Wishing you well. 🙏
 
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