This is by far where i struggle the most. I get it the worst when Im studying, or in class given like a thought will pop into in my head every few minutes, I dont focus on them and dont get aroused but frankly I dont know how I can stop them without driving myself crazy. I constantly tell myself NO! and dismiss the thought, but when they keep coming I get extremely frustrated to the point that I feel like Im driving myself crazy. Given that Im a student in a competitive major I dont know how I can bring myself to study if I constantly have these thoughts pop into my head. Ill read a sentence and then a thought will pop into my head thats pretty much how it works. Having thoughts slow down your reboot and given that I wired to my sexuality to something I dont want to think about or pursue I find it extremely discouraging when these thoughts continue to pop into my head. Any advise?
Avoding all sexual thoughts...help
- Thread starter datkid93
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You can't control your thoughts, so don't even try. Accept them, embrace them and let them float around. By trying to drive them away you only amplify and reinforce them.
It's like tinnitus (ringing in the ears that won't go away). I had that once, and the only reason I got it was because I kept obsessing about it and dwelling on it. As soon as I realized that, I ignored it, and it went away (in time). It's the way the brain works. If you focus your attention on something, it gets bigger. If you ignore it, it gets smaller. Right now it's hard to ignore, but trust me, that will improve with time. What you have to accept is that you're going to be uncomfortable for a while. No point in whining about it - it's a fact, so just accept it and move on.
I think yes, don't dwell on them, but also busy your mind with some form of healthy stimulation. Just last night I had an erotic dream and the dream has popped in and out of my head today. I've really been able to suppress by focusing my attention on better things. Getting on the forum and talking these things out helps. I also recommend journaling. Writing out not just the thoughts, but writing out how frustrating they are for will certainly help them pass. I think it's important to remember why we are here and what we are dealing with: we are addicts. These thoughts may never completely go away, for some, possibly. For me, I'm aware that addiction is incurable. What I can do is focus on recovering. I have accepted that I will have dreams and reoccurring thoughts like this, but in recovery I am learning to manage them and deal with them like treating any disease. My pain relief meds are this forum, sex addicts anonymous, journaling, nature, art, music, etc.
Poker
Active Member
My counselor explained this to me a few weeks ago.... and I'd like to pass it along.
* Events
* Thoughts
* Feelings
* Actions
We cannot really control all the events in our lives. Though events drive our thoughts..... in which we react with feelings. You cannot control your feelings. Things will excite you, make you angry, sad, happy... our brains are wired to respond like this, and quite frankly for good reason. These feelings then drive our actions.
The one thing you can control in this process is your thoughts. The things you tell yourself when things happen in your life. What you tell yourself is a choice. Its not always easy to get a handle on it either.
When I personally spiral out of control, its usually due to me reacting to something, and what I tell myself.
I have to learn to recognize when this is happening and reign it in. Tell myself that I can get through it.... and consider healthy alternatives. I have to consciously be rational, and not let negatives run a mock....
I hope this makes sense...
Cheers.
p.
* Events
* Thoughts
* Feelings
* Actions
We cannot really control all the events in our lives. Though events drive our thoughts..... in which we react with feelings. You cannot control your feelings. Things will excite you, make you angry, sad, happy... our brains are wired to respond like this, and quite frankly for good reason. These feelings then drive our actions.
The one thing you can control in this process is your thoughts. The things you tell yourself when things happen in your life. What you tell yourself is a choice. Its not always easy to get a handle on it either.
When I personally spiral out of control, its usually due to me reacting to something, and what I tell myself.
I have to learn to recognize when this is happening and reign it in. Tell myself that I can get through it.... and consider healthy alternatives. I have to consciously be rational, and not let negatives run a mock....
I hope this makes sense...
Cheers.
p.
O
OSS
Guest
datkid93 said:
Definitely
Not matter how hard you try there will always be a part of your brain that is completely uncontrollable, If you actively fight or fall for your thoughts then your thoughts are controlling you. The best way around it is to be aware that it's just a thought and that you're not identical to your thoughts you cannot control.
I agree with OSS too. One way to look at it is that your thoughts are like kids trying to get their dad to buy them some candy. If the dad says no, they only cry harder. If he says no most of the time but yes sometimes - they keep going because they know if they keep going long enough they'll get yes. On the other hand if dad just smiles, strokes the kids hair and continues buying his groceries the kids pipe down. In other words don't get into conflict with your thoughts or give in to them. When you don't fight or give in, they slowly die down (it may take a while, but it WILL happen). At the very least they will lose their power to disturb and distract you. I still have some problems with P at night (I've not watched it for 3 days) around bedtime, but most of the time during the day I can get on with things without being distracted. Learning not to fight my obsessive thoughts, and that they die down of their own accord really helped...
Jimmy James
Active Member
Will500 said:
Great analogy!.
No kids we are not having cake and ice cream for dinner tonight. I don't care that we have done that before, we don't eat cake and ice cream for dinner anymore. It is not healthy for us. I don't care if you friends get to eat cake and ice cream for dinner either. Now go get some tampons for your mom while I go pick up the steaks.
I had to tell the kids no last night because I could not sleep.
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HumbleRich
Guest
OP, why do you want to avoid All sexual thoughts? This seems odd to me. Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have any interest in dating or getting to know someone special? A woman is going to want to sexual. The key is not to avoid sexual thoughts altogether. The point is to end the objectification. What porn does is focus on objectification: the body as the goal and immediate gratification the aim. The aim should be for your sexuality to flow and engage with that of your partner. That she is both mind and body, a person over all, with whom you are engaging sexually.
So, I wouldn't go as far as ending sexual thoughts altogether. I would end sexually objectifying thoughts. Don't try to be asexual, try to focus on women as people.
So, I wouldn't go as far as ending sexual thoughts altogether. I would end sexually objectifying thoughts. Don't try to be asexual, try to focus on women as people.
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HumbleRich
Guest
To be clear, I am not saying that you shouldn't vie to improve your discipline while studying and doing schoolwork. Of course you should. Porn does intrude on our lives, leading us to ogle women and to think sexual thoughts throughout the day. Discipline is definitely something to be gained and adapted. However, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you should begin dating someone you should feel free to engage with them sexually, as long as you are doing so in a way that is not objectifying.
Hi
I work in a large chain bookstore and If a babe ask me for help to find a certain book. Right away I picture them as a old lady (like seeing your grandmother) this is the only way that works for me. I lasted 30 days without porn and edging or fap with this method. If it is thoughts you need to think about something that makes you happy or things you look forward to buying. Get other way for your brain to produce Dope. Like a new car you plan to buy or new clothes.
I work in a large chain bookstore and If a babe ask me for help to find a certain book. Right away I picture them as a old lady (like seeing your grandmother) this is the only way that works for me. I lasted 30 days without porn and edging or fap with this method. If it is thoughts you need to think about something that makes you happy or things you look forward to buying. Get other way for your brain to produce Dope. Like a new car you plan to buy or new clothes.
willspbr87
Member
datkid93 said:
I can relate to it, dude... every boring time is a trigger for my brain to shift the focus on some porn fantasy. Even in my job I would do this... many times I would waste time by looking at hot chicks dressed up in my office, and when I got horny enough I'd go to the bathroom to spank the monkey. Now, rebooting and with a girlfriend, I decided to control it. It's not easy, but things are starting to improve: I don't fap anymore, I can stay concentrated for longer, I make less mistakes and feel energized until the end of the day. What works for me is to think of my girlfriend and consciously tell myself that the girls in my office probably have their boyfriends and therefore I won't be able to realize my sexual fantasies with them.
Jimmy James
Active Member
It's not about avoiding sexual thought as much as not being controlled by sexual thoughts.