The break up

Deepdiver

Member
Well here I am. After a very long relationship with porn I have finally decided to end it! This relationship started back in my 20s with spectravision. Not sure if any of you older guys remember that! Anyway as my life progressed so did my relationship with porn. I have know for a few years now that it was a bad relationship and one I really needed to end. I tried so many times I cant tell you how many. I woke up 2 days ago and finally decided I am done! I am 56 divorced and single. My consumption was usually limited to mornings but lately had progressed to a few times a day. I am on day 2 and found my way to this site. So this is my first entry and I am going to do my best to post an entry every day. I thank anyone who cares to leave a comment in advance!! In the past I always felt that my attempts were fake. I knew I was going to go back. This time is different. I feel it in my head that I am done and I am totally committed to this reboot!!!!! I have never felt that way about it before. Making it 2 days is the longest I have went without fapping in many many years, not counting when I was recovering from spinal fusion surgery!!
 

Nico

Active Member
Go for it mate, I am just coming back from a relapse, so maybe like me you can think of this as the best christmas present you can give yourself.
 

Deepdiver

Member
Day 4 wasn’t to bad. Had a few triggers throughout the day but the urges would pretty quickly pass. Its interesting to me to now instead of giving into those triggers becoming aware of them. Realizing how fucked up it is and moving on from them. I think the more aware I become the easier this will be. Im realizing that in my addiction I was trying to fill a void in my life being single. Really what i was doing was sabotaging the ability to find a partner. I was a tinder, bumble dating site junkie. Bouncing from one short lived relationship to the next. Petrified of ever letting anyone get to close from fear they would discover my addiction and from the inability to get a spontaneous erection. I relied solely on Cialis to get it up. Finding excuses not to have sex when I wasnt medicated and Rationalizing that I just hadn’t met the right girl when i fact i have probably had many women over the years that I could have been very very happy with. Im dedicated to giving myself the opportunity to actually being able to be in a relationship. Merry Christmas everyone!!
 

Nico

Active Member
Man that resonates, have been feeling exactly the same way - avoiding..avoiding sex, avoiding love, avoiding life. I think dedication is the right word for this. Happy Christmas and keep up the good work :)
 

Deepdiver

Member
Day 6 Made it through Christmas. Was and still am feeling very very depressed. Christmas was torture every one of my family members were asking if everything was ok. Just told them im not sleeping very well blah blah blah. Still very committed to this. I know it will get better. Ive also now noticed my dick is so shriveled its ridiculous!! No porn today no fapping!!
 

cheeseck

Member
Day 6 Made it through Christmas. Was and still am feeling very very depressed. Christmas was torture every one of my family members were asking if everything was ok. Just told them im not sleeping very well blah blah blah. Still very committed to this. I know it will get better. Ive also now noticed my dick is so shriveled its ridiculous!! No porn today no fapping!!
Day 6!!! YES good stuff mate!
 

Deepdiver

Member
Day 7. One week in the books. If I can make it a week I can make it forever! Was really struggling to not fap this morning but I got through it. I had some really wild sex dreams last night that woke me up. Its been a very long time that I can’t even remember the ladt time I had a sex dream. Pretty clesr indication that my brain is changing. Next stop one month!!
 

cheeseck

Member
Day 7. One week in the books. If I can make it a week I can make it forever! Was really struggling to not fap this morning but I got through it. I had some really wild sex dreams last night that woke me up. Its been a very long time that I can’t even remember the ladt time I had a sex dream. Pretty clesr indication that my brain is changing. Next stop one month!!
Congratulations on 1 week!
 
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