Breaking the quit and relapse cycle

[HelloThere]

Day 15
Like one of the greatest musicians of our time (Rihanna) once sang, "work work work work work". I had a good day and was cooking with some friends in the evening. The week is full of meeting friends or sports activities, so my head is busy with other stuff

 

[HelloThere]

Day 16
Days are passing by fast. I was doing some sports as usual and could get into a conversation with a nice girl. Also, I started a separate journal for work where I wrote down things that went well.

 

[HelloThere]

Day 17 + 18
I did some sports the last few days. Doing sports five times a week is the perfect way to battle this. It takes a bit of the excess energy you put into porn and removes time spent at home, which you could also use for porn. Sometimes I fantasize about girls I know, but when I realize it gets into a porn direction, I will think of something else. Thinking of something else works better than trying to avoid a thought actively. Additionally, I try to step back from such thoughts and ask myself if I am interested in the person itself. If the answer is no, I again move my mind to something else.

My sleep schedule is going well! I am reading a bit every night and got a good habit going. Having a good night of sleep greatly influences my decision-making and how I feel during the day, so my goal is to stick to my schedule.

Reading on the forum and commenting here and there helps me a lot. It gives you cool ideas and new perspectives on why not relapsing is the only option. Thank you! I appreciate you being here and hope your journeys are going well!

 

[HelloThere]

Day 19 + 20
Strange weekend. Felt tired yesterday, and for some reason, I started MO and did not stop. The good thing is that I was not thinking about anything porn related and did not watch any porn-related stuff before. Also, I was not thinking about a girl. It was just for the sake of relieving some pressure. I know about the chaser effect and told myself not to let it get worse by watching porn or MO again. So as expected, I was quite horny the weekend, got random boners throughout the day and had some mean urges. However, I still managed not to fall back into old habits. Usually, after a relapse, I have a "f**k it, you relapsed once, no problem to relapse again and start tomorrow" attitude. I will then do more MO and then start porn again. But not this time!

My goal was to stay 90 days MO and porn free. I will still go for the 90 days porn free, which is the important part here. After 90 days, I wanted to reintroduce MO again without overdoing it. So my adjusted goal is to complete the no-porn challenge and try as hard as possible not to go for MO again. Maybe I can hit 20 days MO free Do you guys know if there is anything I can do to train to have better impulse control?

Besides that, I set myself a Youtube blocker. I spent too much time this weekend endlessly browsing YT videos. When my grandchildren will ask me what cool stuff I did, then watching Youtube videos will definitely not make an impression Blocking out Instagram, news stuff, Reddit, or other social media worked pretty well for me in the past, as I have no intention of using them again.

Also, I went on a walk and had a few thoughts. Maybe I should learn more about spending time alone and not be sad about it. Whenever I am out with friends, doing sports, or at work, my feelings are balanced and more on the good side. I like being outside in nature. It perfectly relaxes me and puts me in a good mood. But then there are these rainy days when you can't go outside or want to. On a workday, this is fine, but then there are some weekends when you don't have anything planned. Then I watch YT the whole day, and it feels like I miss something. I then think that other people are now spending time with their significant other, and the negative thought cycle starts. How do you enjoy time alone, especially on these rainy days?

 

[HelloThere]

Day 21
Nothing special today. Just another workday and no urges as on the weekend. One interesting observation is that I got more often into dreaming the last week. I'm not sure if that's related to quitting porn, but waking up after dreaming about some weird stuff did not happen that often before.

 

[Simon2]

How do you enjoy time alone, especially on these rainy days?

I find reading a book or even purposefully watching a movie I CHOSE feels much more fulfilling than just watching one YouTube (or similar) video after another without a plan...

Another nice thing can be to call someone you haven't talked to in a long time? I called my sister last night, not having chatted with her in over a couple of months!

 

[HelloThere]

Day 22
I met with a friend today and had a nice evening. Tomorrow will be an eventful workday, but I am confident I will manage. This morning I had some sexual thoughts about some women I met. Not sure if this is normal or if this is my porn brain trying to make something up when no porn is around.

I find reading a book or even purposefully watching a movie I CHOSE feels much more fulfilling than just watching one YouTube (or similar) video after another without a plan...

Another nice thing can be to call someone you haven't talked to in a long time? I called my sister last night, not having chatted with her in over a couple of months!

Totally agree! I like the idea of calling friends. That's a good hint

 

[HelloThere]

Day 23 + 24
Battled some bad urges yesterday morning. After going out and having a few drinks, I get super horny in the evening or the following day. So this time, I knew what might be coming and told myself to try not to relapse for this one day and keep myself busy. That worked, and over the day, the urges went away. In the evening, I saw (probably) a couple. The guy was driving, and the girl was sitting on the bike rack. The funny part was that the guy was loudly singing the F.U.N. song from Spongebob. This made my day, and I was so happy about these two enjoying themselves

Today was a normal work day, as usual. I will do some sports now. Overall it feels like I am on a good way to reaching the 30 days. On previous porn-free stays, I felt I was way more confident talking to girls, and I can feel this coming back. See you here tomorrow!

 

[HelloThere]

Day 32
I had a super busy weekend and week and hit the 30 days mark along the way. I was thinking a bit more about the girls I met in the previous weeks. This week I am just busy with life and did not think much about anything sexual related Also, when my flatmates were leaving, I used to have these thoughts popping up to watch porn. These triggers are still there, but I can easily navigate my thoughts away from them. Also, I am moving to a new place soon, which will help put the final nail in the coffin to avoid these triggers. Quitting Youtube seems to be a good ingredient for me to get on the right path.

Overall I'm feeling good. In my late teenage years, I used to be confident. Due to porn, this vanished, and as I said in my last post, it feels like coming back. Sometimes I caught some girls looking at me. I need to remind myself to smile when making eye contact not to look creepy Sport-wise, it is also going well. My mental energy is also much higher, and my focus has improved. I hope my future me thinking about relapsing goes through this journal to see why it is worth not relapsing.

I hope you all are doing well. See you in a few days.

 

[HelloThere]

Hey,
I fucked up and relapsed... I fapped two days ago and today again. Before I completely fall back into old habits, I will write a bit about it here. I got to 41 days without porn. I recently fapped once. Then the next week, and then more and more until I got cravings for porn again. Everything went quite well. I moved to a new place which I like. Moving was a bit stressful, and maybe that was an initial trigger. But then I broke my arm and can not do any sports for 6 to 8 weeks. My training was going well, and I got super frustrated. I do sports four times weekly, making up most of my social activity time. Guess this was a bit too much for me. I could refuse big urges in the last week, but somehow they overcame me now.

So here I am again. I will try to remind myself of the challenge and will post every other day, maximum every second day until 90 days. Maybe I thought I had already managed this addiction and felt too safe. I also increased the safety blockers on my phone. When I relapsed, I first tried watching on my laptop, but the barriers were too tedious to remove. I WILL NEVER WATCH PORN AGAIN!

Tomorrow I will collect some ideas of what I can do when sport is impossible.

 

[Androg]

Sorry to hear about your arm and inability to do sports. What about exercises that use your legs?

Know your triggers and have a plan for what you will do to redirect your exercise. Stay strong!

 

[HelloThere]

Day 1
Felt a bit tired but it was a sunny day, so it was alright
Thanks for your reply. I am not allowed to do intense exercises like going for a run, but light exercises might be possible. I think it's better than nothing. Also, I will try to find some alternative when I cant do sports.

 

[HelloThere]

Day 2-4
After my relapse, I thought about what sport means to me. One big component is the social part of it. I got a bit of weekend fomo which is often a trigger for PMO. So I came to the simple conclusion that if I can't do sports I could still meet some friends and have the social component. Ended up having a really enjoyable weekend with lots of friends!

Additionally, I want to find things that I can do alone and learn a bit more about how to spend time alone without being lonely.