Attempting This

[shitya]

I've dealt with a number of problems in my sexuality. For a number of years I've struggled with the following problems:

- inability to orgasm during PiV sex (across multiple partners)
- difficulty focusing on sexual act with partner
- deeper and deeper interest in humiliation-style content to an unhealthy degree(1)
- very frequent masturbation (1 - 3 times a day)

I am entirely new to this forum. I read a study on "rebooting" ( https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-020-01858-w ) which focused on posts in this forum. This encouraged me to create an account and start my own journal.

I've tried to abstain from both pornography and masturbation in October and November. My streak was 24 days. This came with a number of benefits. I felt a lot more relaxed, I started being turned on by normal women, I felt more in control of my life and also orgasmed during PiV sex (although it took a very long session of 40+ minutes admittedly). I wish to go back to this.

My long-term goal is to consume no pornography at all and masturbate 1-2 times a week at maximum and make those special occasions akin to a home cooked meal and not fast food.


____
(1) I am calling this "unhealthy degree" as I generally don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of a kink of this kind. However, when I was a teen it was an occasional interest in being dominated while I still was able to have very normal sexual encounters. 15 years later and this turned into getting off on increasingly unrealistic, absurd and completely crazy photos with captions that are not only impossible to realize in a real life but are also posted with a collection of "ideology" that is generally an insult to my intelligence. "Post-nut clarity" also does seem to show a rather strong disinterest in such content after the fact.

 

[shitya]

It's been 1 day.

I am currently at my family's house. Leaving on Sunday. While it is nice with them, it is also a stressful situation as the house is always full and there is no privacy. I enjoy alone time which is impossible to get here.

This morning I thought about masturbating to someone I saw yesterday. My goal is not to not masturbate never again, however I think it would be a failure to do it right now. I wrote yesterday that I want to be free of pornography and masturbate 1-2 times a week max. But I think before I can do the latter I need to fix this urge to do it all the time. So I should set a goal of how long I'll go without masturbation before I decide to try to slowly - but controlled (if possible) - reenter it into my life. If anyone is reading this and has some advice, I'm happy to consider it. I'm thinking maybe I should go for 30 or 90 days before trying to masturbate 1-2 times a week.

There's plenty of evidence that blocking out thoughts doesn't work. So if the urges and the thoughts come, I am trying to accept them and then let them go. But this is all early right now.

 

[TakeActionNow]

Masturbating a few times a week is just as bad as doing it everyday. And restarting M after reboot is no different than having a jab of heroin after going a year clean.

90 days no P no M no O is the gold standard.

P is motivational. It will release dopamine to push you to want to M.

M is motivational. It will release dopamine to push you to O.

O is depletion. You will enter refractory stage which while calming sets you up for the next craving due to dopamine rebound and general instability and irritability. 7 days is the first cycle. Mood settling takes min 2 to 3 weeks, based on scientific proof and personal experience.

The science of reboot requires 30 days no O to begin stabilizing neuro transmitter levels.

The psychology of reboot requires a minimum of 90 days to begin breaking the habit, behavior, opinion, preference, desire and propensity to P, M or O.

These are only the beginning and do not guarantee reboot success.

Reboot is about complete habit, mindset and lifestyle change towards PMO. It needs to replace all the PMO activities with healthier alternatives. This will take you beyond 90 days to 180 days or more.

By 180 days you should have gained sufficient lifestyle change and adaptation to not require PMO for pleasure and mood management.

By then you will realize that PMO was wrong in all levels. You will stop objectification of people and start focusing on your real interests.
Your life in general will be more interesting and pleasurable because you are finally doing interesting things and you get dopamine (motivational) hits all the time. And sex will be reserved for someone you love intimately with, in person, because that's how you want it.

This is the real purpose of reboot.

Even with desire, your success is not ensured. For that you need the following :
1. Education (science & psychology)
2. Community (advise & study)
3. Daily Journalling (reflection & awareness)
4. Discipline
5. Meditation (calmness is the antithesis of activity)

Good luck!