It's time to change

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logicprox

Well-Known Member
46 days. Seem to have picked up a stomach bug and was in bed, in and out of sleep for like 12 hours. Tempted to use but when I finished I wouldn't have been any less sick or have slept any better. So I didn't use.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
49 days no PMO. MO in the middle of the night. Been trying to avoid both for the last 35ish days (when I started my no PMO streak I wasn't really thinking about MO, just decided to stop that too somewhere around 15 days in).

It's disappointing to have done that last night because it was my last night out of town, since I fly home in 3 hours, and I had managed to not slip at all for the 10ish days I had been out of town until that.

I think it all started after work. My last day out of town, especially if it's a Friday, always puts me in a weird mood. Something like "well there's no reason to be here cause I am done with work today and meeting anyone at this point is pointless since I am heading home in the morning." But I was looking for something to do because I didn't want to just sit around in my hotel room in that mood. As I was looking online for things I saw that a musical artist was playing nearby and they sounded cool on Spotify, but when I found them online they had a lot of risque photos that I lingered upon about 30 seconds longer than I should have (which is to say, 30 seconds). I backed off, redirected my thoughts and moved on but it feels like it stuck with me somewhat.

I ended up going to a small indie artist bar/venue but I was all by myself and felt a little awkward so I ended up having 3 drinks. Of course, 3 does't usually do much to me but I had had a very light dinner and drinks out here are also definitely stronger.

Loosened me up enough that I ended up meeting the very cute girl who sang in one of the bands and we talked for quite a while. If I came back out here I think I could meet up with her. So that part is good.

When I got home, i had no issue. Worked on a writing project I have on the side till I got tired and went to bed. But I woke up in the middle of the night with my head still a bit alcohol fuzzy and just wanting to MO. So I did. PMO crossed my mind but the urge wasn't very strong.

This all feels somewhat rambling haha, but I guess I am still processing why it happened. It's not the end of the world, but I was disappointed. Nothing to do but move forward.

I'm going to go back to no MO immediately, for the next 30 days. i get that one freebie, now it's back to business.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
55 days. Went back and read my old journal's entries from around this time in my best streak, looking for any similarities/lessons. Interesting that I made a similar statement about falling into the habit of watching things again. I also talked about starting to loosen up on fantasy again. Truthfully, I haven't really been trying very hard to avoid fantasy as I'm waiting to fall asleep on this whole streak.

I relapsed shortly after, after 66 days. I'm taking these as warnings, to make sure I don't get taken down by these habits slipping again. I stayed off TV last night before bed, and am recommitting to that. I'm also committing, really for the first time on this streak, to avoiding fantasy.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
56 days. The big issue for me has always been what to think about laying in bed instead of fantasizing, since I have been doing that for 20+ years. I have a lot of habits I have been working on developing since the start of the year. One of those habits was supposed to be ending my day evaluating how I did on my habits that day but I haven't done a great job of that.

So I guess laying captive in bed would be a good time to do that.
 
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logicprox

Well-Known Member
57 days. Peaceful right now.

@Androg that's a good idea, it's something I have tried in the past and may try again. For whatever reason I have really struggled to get myself to do that at night. I have managed to force it into my morning routine despite initial resistance but night's a struggle.
 
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