It's time to change

logicprox

Well-Known Member
74 days. It's been a week since I broke my old day count record. Nice.

I actually woke up in the middle of the night wanting to MO for the first time in a while. Started but woke up a bit and remembered I said no MO for 30 days (at least) again around day 49. So I stopped.

I had no real inclination to use porn.
 
Last edited:

logicprox

Well-Known Member
78 days. No porn. I did MO 2 days short of my goal, but I actually feel ok with that. However, since I did do it early, I am going to "punish" myself by going back to no MO until 90 days.

I slept horribly. Woke up 5 or so times, and one of those times I really just could not fall asleep. I have been doing much better about not fantasizing but I did a bit. With my PIED, I haven't gotten hard from fantasy much but I got hard and did so pretty quickly, and almost fully (probably like 90%). I started to MO. I remembered my goal and was going to stop but I also realized this was a bit unusual for me and got curious about something else.

When I first started to use porn I could MO standing up, and did so to porn a decent amount. Over time I lost the ability to do that and haven't been able to for years, honestly. So i tried it, and i was able to. Interestingly as well, while I had started with fantasy, for the majority of the time I was standing, I wasn't using fantasy (or porn, obviously), just sensation, something I haven't done, or been able to do in...a very long time.

Ultimately I probably should have finished my two days but I'm not broken up about it, since it was more of a conscious experiment than a loss of control.

Getting over PIED is certainly not a straight-line, so i am not expecting this to be my new normal all of a sudden, but I will take it as a sign of progress and keep kicking porn's ass.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
80 days.

"To fail, you merely have to cultivate a few bad habits. You just have to bide your time. And once someone has spent enough time cultivating bad habits and biding their time, they are much diminished. Much of what they could have been is dissipated and much of the less that they have become is now real.” - 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson

This honestly hasn't been my favorite book so far but that quote struck me, perhaps because I have come to realize the power of habits recently, how they are what actually shape who we are, and how they are actually within our power to change.

Changing the habit of using porn isn't enough, I have to change all the other habits that made me the type of person who would use porn as a crutch and a shield. And I have to stop biding my time to do it.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
81 days.

This time I am a little annoyed at myself. I MOd when I couldn't sleep again. Maybe it's a chaser, maybe it's a leftover of my old waking up to PMO habit, maybe I am just off my game, or maybe I am slipping. Will be evaluating this (as well as why sleep has been so bad the last few nights).

I had no inclination to use porn, I don't think it even occurred to me, so in some sense that's progress, but 1) I think there is always a risk of MO leading back to PMO and 2) while I generally don't think MO in moderation is a bad thing, I think it can still be an empty "opium of the masses" to block out dissatisfaction and sap motivation to do something about it.

So I will be taking a hard look at why this happened over the next couple of days, and especially to make sure it doesn't lead back to porn. It will not.
 
Last edited:

Blondie

Respected Member
Way to be on guard @logicprox. You're probably right, it's nothing, but it best to be vigilant and ask yourself why now?

Keep killing it. You're almost to 90. Which is why your brain might be trying to fuck with you.
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
81 days.

This time I am a little annoyed at myself. I MOd when I couldn't sleep again. Maybe it's a chaser, maybe it's a leftover of my old waking up to PMO habit, maybe I am just off my game, or maybe I am slipping. Will be evaluating this (as well as why sleep has been so bad the last few nights).

I had no inclination to use porn, I don't think it even occurred to me, so in some sense that's progress, but 1) I think there is always a risk of MO leading back to PMO and 2) while I generally don't think MO in moderation is a bad thing, I think it can still be an empty "opium of the masses" to block out dissatisfaction and sap motivation to do something about it.

So I will be taking a hard look at why this happened over the next couple of days, and especially to make sure it doesn't lead back to porn. It will not.
If you want to decrease MO, can you wear underwear, or change the type you wear...just to signal your sleepy self that you want to change habits?
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
If you want to decrease MO, can you wear underwear, or change the type you wear...just to signal your sleepy self that you want to change habits?
Unfortunately I already sleep fully clothed and have years of experience "dealing with" that, but appreciate the suggestion.
 

logicprox

Well-Known Member
82 days.

My Iron Man training program occasionally has inspirational quotes on some training days. I liked this one:

"Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds." – Gordon B. Hinckley

I particularly like this because I have been thinking a lot about how unintentional most people are , including me until very recently, about how they develop who they are. Most of it is just making random decisions throughout the days that turn into habits that turn into who you are. And who a lot of us become that way is weeds. Netflix bingers, porn addicts, stoners, etc. People who don't achieve their dreams. Because if you don't take active control to build the habits that make you the person you want to be, that's the default.

It's just an extension of this quote I already shared above, in reality, "To fail, you merely have to cultivate a few bad habits. You just have to bide your time. And once someone has spent enough time cultivating bad habits and biding their time, they are much diminished."

We cannot kick porn habits without work. We cannot become who we want to be without work. So I will work now.
 
Top