My journey begins 🤞

Mikey1066

Member
Hi everyone. After failing on multiple occasions to go ‘cold turkey’ on porn and repeatedly falling into bad habits, I have decided to take some further accountability by joining a likeminded community.

Porn has been a presence in my life for almost two decades now, having first accessed it online as a young teenager. In that time, it has effectively remained a constant, causing me great shame as I have often retreated from sexual intimacy with partners while secretly watching porn or, in years gone by, even paying for cam girls. I’ve also found over the years that I have fallen into cycles that have eventually seen me engage with increasingly misogynistic types of porn that I’d be mortified to own up to viewing in the cold light of day.

Having promised myself only a couple of days ago to try and stop for good this year, this morning I found myself alone in our room while my partner was elsewhere in the house and…well…the cycle began anew.

I’m not sure how often I will post here or keep track in real time of my battle, but I hope that posting this here will serve as a marker to be laid down and move forwards towards a more positive future.

All my best to you all and happy new year.

Michael.
 

Mikey1066

Member
Almost one week in and have managed to stay ‘clean’. Batting away temptations as they come. I’ve also made a point of unfollowing acquaintances and celebrities who I find a turn-out and in times prior whose images may have tempted me to peruse porn after seeing their photos on social media. Small things but it makes a difference. Onwards!
 

Mikey1066

Member
I had my first slip up today. My partner and I watched a documentary exploring the toxic side of porn and rather than put me off, it left me thinking about porn in general for a couple of days. This evening while my partner was busy, I slipped and began browsing. Not going to beat myself up too much. I’m proud of myself for lasting over two weeks for the first time. I know I can do it now. We go again! 💪
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
have fallen into cycles that have eventually seen me engage with increasingly misogynistic types of porn that I’d be mortified to own up to viewing in the cold light of day.

pretty common. its the novelty and shock to your brain from this material that is causing a big rush of dopamine and anxiety, leading to a stronger high and more intense orgasm with PMO. It's the logical result of nearly all addictions... tolerance and desensitization. Assumingly, like most of us, you started on basic stuff. Maybe nude photos that went to videos of one-on-one sex and then graduate to more shocking and stimulating/gross material to get excited.

after over a decade of battling this issue myself, my advice would be to get a blocking software, in order to completely eliminate PMO and stay away from related fantasies. It is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily due to the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a good streak of abstinence, this part of the brain recovers a bit and resisting the urges becomes easier. This is why you are constantly failing, your PFC is too weak at the moment. It takes time for the PFC to recover before you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMO becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use Covenant Eyes, details in my signature.

Im almost 90 days clean, which is the longest by far i have ever gone PMO free since becoming addicted over a decade ago. The key is you need to be accountable. I have a great accountability partner and we can see each others search history every day. Aks yourself this question, how would you feel if your Significant other was seeing your search history everyday? thats right, youd probably change your habits a bit, you would sort of be forced to.

your brain will usually balance itself out with enough time. keep coming to the forums for support and soon you will become re-sensitized to normal stimuli. together, we can all get our boners back. feel free to message me if you want more details etc.
 

Mikey1066

Member
pretty common. its the novelty and shock to your brain from this material that is causing a big rush of dopamine and anxiety, leading to a stronger high and more intense orgasm with PMO. It's the logical result of nearly all addictions... tolerance and desensitization. Assumingly, like most of us, you started on basic stuff. Maybe nude photos that went to videos of one-on-one sex and then graduate to more shocking and stimulating/gross material to get excited.

after over a decade of battling this issue myself, my advice would be to get a blocking software, in order to completely eliminate PMO and stay away from related fantasies. It is very difficult to resist urges that come from addiction related brain changes like P addiction, primarily due to the deficiency in the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for self control). once you get a good streak of abstinence, this part of the brain recovers a bit and resisting the urges becomes easier. This is why you are constantly failing, your PFC is too weak at the moment. It takes time for the PFC to recover before you are even able to say “no” at all so removing even the option of PMO becomes very important, hence the blocking software. I use Covenant Eyes, details in my signature.

Im almost 90 days clean, which is the longest by far i have ever gone PMO free since becoming addicted over a decade ago. The key is you need to be accountable. I have a great accountability partner and we can see each others search history every day. Aks yourself this question, how would you feel if your Significant other was seeing your search history everyday? thats right, youd probably change your habits a bit, you would sort of be forced to.

your brain will usually balance itself out with enough time. keep coming to the forums for support and soon you will become re-sensitized to normal stimuli. together, we can all get our boners back. feel free to message me if you want more details etc.
Thanks so much for this, it is incredibly helpful. I had another slip up today and I think I will seek out this software. Does it work on phones? That is where I do all of my browsing.

I have not told my partner, but I did tell a friend last week and while he didn’t quite seem to understand the issue, it did feel good to acknowledge it out loud at least and was helpful in me not beating myself up too much over it.

I may well speak to my partner about it down the road. I’m confident that while she may be shocked at first, she would be surpportive (she has mentioned a friend suffering from porn addiction). For now, I will seek out the software. Thanks again.
 

Daybyday1988

Active Member
Does it work on phones?

yup, works on phones, ipads, computers etc. you can have up to 4 devices protected under the same membership. be sure to have a person you trust. This makes you accountable to someone that will be getting a daily report from the software about if you viewed anything explicit or not. That makes your addicted brain think twice about the behavior because it wouldnt be something you can keep to yourself anymore
 

Mikey1066

Member
A big step backwards today. My partner is away for the weekend, I woke up incredibly hungover and fell back into the worst ends of my habit. Logging it here for some accountability but I think it might be time for to pay for the app that DaybyDay kindly recommended. The browsing/shame cycle is very intense and I am hating myself for it today. But I must also remember to be kind to myself and recognise the progress I have made this month, even if this week has been bad.
 
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