My journal-determined!


Hello all, I have tried to reboot a few times now and the longest I went without M to IP was 13 days. I am trying again (last O via IP was last Sunday 4/6). The first time I tried, it was spurred on by an epic fail in the bedroom with my wife and another couple (we just started the swinger's lifestyle). And I know what you are thinking...."oh it was nerves" and I was inclined to think the same but I made several other attempts with various couples and last Sunday we met back up with a couple we have already met. So I was as comfortable as I could get really and even achieved an impressive erection without touching myself at all just by looking at my wife, just an hour before the couple arrived. When it came time to play I was completely flaccid and un able to get hard no matter what I tried. This was highly frustrating and again, spurred me to reboot for real this time. I am on day 3 and want to keep a journal since there is no real answer as to how long it will take or what to expect. Everyone is different but I hope I can help someone with a close situation as mine, plus writing about the process helps take the mind off of the urge to give in. So here is some background.

  I am 32 and started M when I was about 12. I started with the usual's (as I grew up in the 90's) which meant bikini adds then hustler magazines and VHS porn. As soon as the internet became a "thing" I was never the same. I met my wife at the age of 15 and have been with her ever since. This is important due to the fact that I have had regular sex with her ever since. When not being sexually active with her I was M at least 3 times a day for over 15 years. And only came across a problem with ED after the fist failure to perform with our first couple (although I could inherently tell that my erection's were not as pronounced as they could be or were with IP). I shrugged it off as nerves but it keeps happening and it is painfully obvious that I have a problem. All the story's I have read almost mimic my problem so I want to reboot. As most of you are likely feeling....I want it to be as fast a process as can be. I know this is unrealistic but I will chronicle my journey so maybe someone can have an idea of what is going to happen and the result's. I 3. I went nut's with IP on Sunday night and have done everything I can to avoid both sexual thought's AND sexual imagery. So far so good I'd say. No real cravings.....and it seems easy so far. I know I should refrain from O for a good while but I will likely have sex with my wife maybe once a week, I know some say this could be a beneficial act and some say it will delay the reboot. I will report on my progress WITH periodic sexual contact with my wife.

  My goal: to get to a point where I can have a couple over and not have any trouble rising to the occasion. My strategy: NO IP at all, avoid ALL sexual thought's and imagery for as long as it takes to get to the "dead dick" stage of the process and then wait that out until I start to see any differences in my ability's (both negative and positive). I am desperate! I NEED to fix this! and my recent failure and the possible future fun that can be had is the motivation to beat this horrible problem. Stay tuned....

Gabe Deem

Staff member
@ tattoo400
I want it to be as fast a process as can be. I know this is unrealistic

It is a good idea to prepare for the long haul. Hopefully since you have had constant contact with a real women growing up it may be faster than some, not sure though. Just don't get any specific time frame in your mind, no matter how long it takes, rebooting will be worth it.

I know I should refrain from O for a good while but I will likely have sex with my wife maybe once a week, I know some say this could be a beneficial act and some say it will delay the reboot. I will report on my progress WITH periodic sexual contact with my wife.

Please do report what happens. I would encourage you to go a few weeks no O, while having sex Karezza style (slow, gentle, passionate sex while staying away from O). It sounds crazy but it was very beneficial for me in the later stages of my reboot. Most guys with ED report that going no O was very beneficial for their reboot. Whatever you decide, contact with your wife will be helpful. Looking forward to hearing how things go. Glad to see you decide to give up porn.

You have a good strategy. Stick to it and I hope the best for you. Welcome to the Nation


Hello all, I know it's not been very long since my last post but this seem's pertinent to the situation. I have abstained completely from any PMO or MO, no "perving out" over girls seen in public or fantasizing.....well the news chick stuck in my head a bit on day 3 but that was all, lol. Any way, today is day 5 and I did not plan to have sex today but me and the wife felt the urge and so I did. No problem at all becoming erect. Even got stiff quick and stayed that way during the initial bj (which used to be a hard thing to pull off). It was great and perfect. I consciously made sure I only focused on my wife and how much she turns me on and not the news chick. Not sure what any of this means but it's what is happening at this point in my reboot. Before the intercourse I found it increasingly difficult to refrain from "dirty thoughts" but not something I couldn't handle. I know it felt amazing to finally O however.....still NO PMO or MO!!! did not touch myself in any way other than to piss for the last five days as's good to just "ignore" it, for as long as you can any way. So that's where I'm at right now.....let this journey continue! 

Thank you Gabe so much for your positive outlook yet realistic advice! I did O with my wife this evening but I may use the no O "technique" alternately during my reboot and will report all results. So determined to let the grass over grow the old path!


So day 8 is near an end and it was a really rough one. I couldn't stop thinking about sex for one second! My brain is in the throw's of being denied what I have given myself every single day since I was what 12?! (3-4 O's) and man do I feel the withdrawal now! it's really hard to handle I must admit. The urge to MO is ridiculous!!! I want it SO bad!!! but what I want even more is the freedom my life will allow once I can successfully reboot. My 90 day mark is July 6th, so I am determined to make it to that mark! I last O on Friday and I will have another today with my wife.....I know it seems like "cheating" but given that I used to MO to IP (and using just memory) 3-4 times a day it is a drastic decrease for my mind and body. Aside from the constant onslaught of sexual thought's, the general depression is rather strong as well today. I can't believe how bad IP can destroy you! you just wouldn't think that something that feel's THAT good could be this bad for you! Gunna beat this if it kill's me!!! so bring on day 9!


Hi tattoo,
I hope you're still winning your fight. I understand how ridiculous it is when you want to watch porn again... it's so strong! I try to turn that: if it's so strong, it can't be any good and the road to freedom is still long.
You seem to be working hard on your thoughts, focusing on positive images it's good. It make my think about something I have to post in my topic because my wife is not making things easy on this side...

Anyway, I share your general depression and I try to fight it meeting people and going to parties (and drinking but not that much to be a new problem :p), it's not because we're 30 and married that we can't party!