Clouds&Dirt
Member
Hello Everyone,
I've been actively trying to quit porn for over a year now and have never streaked longer than a month. I'm 25 and have had relationships in the past but all were in some way affected by this addiction. Either experiencing PIED when trying to have sex, or having to fantasize about my favorite porn videos in order to get hard.
The anxiety of failing sexually started causing me to avoid interactions with women that could lead to sex.
Real world example: A girl tells me that she's interested in me. I'm single and am very attracted to this girl, however, I ultimately don't pursue her because "What if I limp-dick her?"
Anyway, every time I've attempted a streak, I've tried something new. A new app, a new mindset, whatever. This attempt is going be the time I successfully reboot to 90 days. I'm taking a "no turning back" approach and I'm implementing the best strategies I've accumulated over the course of a year, as well as new ones (like posting on this forum!)
1. My laptop is bulletproof to porn
I'm a Comp Sci grad... That means I spend a lot of time on computers, and I know how they work (generally speaking lol). I've tried porn blockers in the past, but none of them work because I know how to disable them. I'd basically find ways to hack back into them, even the ones designed to keep you out.
With that said, there's one that's really really good, and I've used it to lock my computer and throw away the key. It's CovenantEyes. I took a "no turning back" approach and blocked every porn site that I usually go to, as well as the ones that CAN be porn sites, like Reddit and even YouTube. It's very thorough in its blocking, and has so far been a brick wall for me.
But there's one "trick" I did that made this possible. They let you appoint a "filter guardian" (FG). You have to ask the FG permission to remove things from the blocklist. The problem is, I was pretty ashamed of this addiction and couldn't bring myself to ask anyone to be my FG. So I set up a temporary email address (some websites make an email address for you that deletes itself in 10 minutes) and set THAT email as the FG account. Then, I blindly changed my password using a random password generator, and typed gibberish into all of my security-questions so I can't recover the password. Locked the door, threw away the key.
I also did this with another blocker called Blocksite. Blocksite isn't as foolproof as CovenantEyes, but both of them working together is unstoppable. My computer is straight up bulletproof to porn. I'm NOT RECOMMENDING anyone do this, I'm just letting you know what's working for me. Since I've locked my computer about 3 months ago, I've had a total of 0 relapses on my computer since then! However, there was another device in my life that made it way too easy to access porn... my phone
2. My phone is bulletproof to porn
I have an android phone and have tried various blockers, most of which I can easily find ways around. But similar to CovenantEyes, I had to find the one that would bulletproof my phone, and I eventually found it. It's called BlockerHero, not sure if it's on Apple. Here's how it works and why it's great: It blocks words and websites with great accuracy and "punishes" you for searching them up in the first place. I've been using it for a few months and every time I relapse, I block the website and/or the search term that lead me there so I can't go back to it.
Now here's the magic... it has a setting that makes it f*cking impossible to uninstall. I say this with happiness, but also frustration because lemme tell ya, I've spent HOURS of my life trying to break that damn app. You can lock the setting (mine is set to 90 days) so that you can't uninstall the app until then. They let you use an accountability partner in this app too to unblock words from your blocklist, so I did the same "temp-email" thing and now my phone is completely bulletproof for 90 days. I've locked it so hard it's inconvenient lol. I literally can't even type the word "butt" (it's in my blocklist) into the browser or social media apps or my phone will close the window and lock the phone. There's also a setting that makes the lock last a long time. Mine is set to 2 minutes. I don't even try to peek anymore. In fact if I'm browsing and see any of my blocked words I'll exit out as quickly as I can so I don't lose access to my phone for 2 minutes. It's extremely annoying, which is why it works.
Having my phone and laptop bulletproofed was actually working really great, and technically hasn't failed me. Remember, I'm a computer guy though, so of course I had an old dusty laptop laying around somewhere. Yeah, my last relapse wasn't even with my phone or computer, it was with an old laptop I dug up because I couldn't break through my phone or computer. I've since thrown away or otherwise disposed of all the old electronics around my place that I could potentially use to cheat.
3. Track relapses on a calendar
I have a calendar in a little notebook (the same one I write my affirmations in), and every day that I don't watch porn, I fill in the day with a green marker. The days I'd relapse, I fill it with a red marker. Over the course of a month this gave me some crucial insight. The key to beating this thing is to bounce back ASAP from relapses.
I would have a good streak of like 12 green days, but then 4 red ones back to back... Then another streak of 10 green days, then 3 red ones. Whenever I'd relapse, I'd do it across multiple days with the logic that I'm "getting it all out of my system" before my next streak attempt.
I realized that if I had just relapsed one time, for one nut lol, then I'd just have one red day, and not multiple red days back to back. Now, by trying to shorten my relapses to one nut, I've had about 3 red days this past month. That's actually pretty decent right? I've only masturbated 3 days out of the month. I'm not ashamed of that number, that's less than non-addicted people masturbate. The reason I'm still fighting so hard to get rid of porn isn't because I do it too frequently anymore, it's now just because of the intensity of what I watch. I tend to watch some nasty fetishy stuff that I'm really trying to eliminate from my sexual appetite.
4. Try affirmations. They might actually work
I know "affirmations" kind of sounds like "you just have to believe in yourself," but hear me out....
I'm pretty big on self improvement and goals and all that. I'm an aspiring entrepreneur and, I admit, I subscribe to the whole "growth mindset", "positive outlook", "endless optimism" stuff that tends to come out of the entrepreneurship community. That's why I read this one book by Scott Adams called "How to Fail At Everything and Still Win Big" where he talks about affirmations and goals and stuff like that.
Basically the idea is this, everyday when you wake up, write down and say aloud your affirmation and spend a bit of time visualizing it to be true. "I, myName, will do _____" or something like that. But don't make it something that can be done in a day, it's meant to highlight the long-term goal. The author's affirmation was "I, Scott Adams, will be a famous cartoonist." The author is the creator of Dilbert, the comic strip btw. Basically, repeating this and imagining it to be true everyday "tricks" your brain into believing it to be true. It's kind of pseudo-sciencey I know, but I've tried it and it worked for me.
My affirmation for months has been "I, Clouds&Dirt, will turn "myBrand" into a famous brand." At this point, it's become like a part of my identity. The brand I'm building WILL be successful. It's no longer faux confidence. I genuinely believe that the affirmations hammered the thought into my head so hard that I actually now believe it to be true. Like, I'd pass a lie detector test if someone asked about it. With that said, I've added a new affirmation... "I, Clouds&Dirt, don't watch porn." I say it slowly, I write it, and I close my eyes and imagine myself being porn free and enjoying the benefits that come with that.
Now, technically this affirmation thing "failed" since I ended up relapsing anyway, but I think it just needs more time to set in. While I was relapsing, that phrase kept repeating in my head: "I don't watch porn." But this wasn't shame/guilt I was feeling, it was more like I felt awkward while watching the porn. Like the new identity I'm affirming (someone who doesn't watch porn) was directly battling with the porn addiction. Now, in this instance, the addiction won, but I think with more time this newly affirming identity will get stronger and eventually beat the urges to relapse.
Anyway, I'm actively testing this strategy, I'll let you guys know if I still think the affirmations are helping in future posts.
5. Accountability Partners(?)
The final new strategy I'm trying is to have an accountability partner. I just got on this site and don't have one so if anybody wants to pair up we can go for a 2023 new-years reboot together I guess haha. What better ally than an internet stranger? I'd also be down to start a little group chat or something with no more than 5 or 6 people where we can support each other if anyone would be interested. Preferably around my age but I guess anyone is welcome. Maybe a whatsApp or groupMe chat, idk.
I'll be updating my journal frequently, at least until I break through the 90 day mark. Honestly, bricking my phone and laptop alone might be enough for me to get to 90 days, but I'm doing everything I can on this one. Something about the optimism of the new year has me throwing all of my best strats at this addiction. I won't need it, but, wish me luck!
I've been actively trying to quit porn for over a year now and have never streaked longer than a month. I'm 25 and have had relationships in the past but all were in some way affected by this addiction. Either experiencing PIED when trying to have sex, or having to fantasize about my favorite porn videos in order to get hard.
The anxiety of failing sexually started causing me to avoid interactions with women that could lead to sex.
Real world example: A girl tells me that she's interested in me. I'm single and am very attracted to this girl, however, I ultimately don't pursue her because "What if I limp-dick her?"
Anyway, every time I've attempted a streak, I've tried something new. A new app, a new mindset, whatever. This attempt is going be the time I successfully reboot to 90 days. I'm taking a "no turning back" approach and I'm implementing the best strategies I've accumulated over the course of a year, as well as new ones (like posting on this forum!)
1. My laptop is bulletproof to porn
I'm a Comp Sci grad... That means I spend a lot of time on computers, and I know how they work (generally speaking lol). I've tried porn blockers in the past, but none of them work because I know how to disable them. I'd basically find ways to hack back into them, even the ones designed to keep you out.
With that said, there's one that's really really good, and I've used it to lock my computer and throw away the key. It's CovenantEyes. I took a "no turning back" approach and blocked every porn site that I usually go to, as well as the ones that CAN be porn sites, like Reddit and even YouTube. It's very thorough in its blocking, and has so far been a brick wall for me.
But there's one "trick" I did that made this possible. They let you appoint a "filter guardian" (FG). You have to ask the FG permission to remove things from the blocklist. The problem is, I was pretty ashamed of this addiction and couldn't bring myself to ask anyone to be my FG. So I set up a temporary email address (some websites make an email address for you that deletes itself in 10 minutes) and set THAT email as the FG account. Then, I blindly changed my password using a random password generator, and typed gibberish into all of my security-questions so I can't recover the password. Locked the door, threw away the key.
I also did this with another blocker called Blocksite. Blocksite isn't as foolproof as CovenantEyes, but both of them working together is unstoppable. My computer is straight up bulletproof to porn. I'm NOT RECOMMENDING anyone do this, I'm just letting you know what's working for me. Since I've locked my computer about 3 months ago, I've had a total of 0 relapses on my computer since then! However, there was another device in my life that made it way too easy to access porn... my phone
2. My phone is bulletproof to porn
I have an android phone and have tried various blockers, most of which I can easily find ways around. But similar to CovenantEyes, I had to find the one that would bulletproof my phone, and I eventually found it. It's called BlockerHero, not sure if it's on Apple. Here's how it works and why it's great: It blocks words and websites with great accuracy and "punishes" you for searching them up in the first place. I've been using it for a few months and every time I relapse, I block the website and/or the search term that lead me there so I can't go back to it.
Now here's the magic... it has a setting that makes it f*cking impossible to uninstall. I say this with happiness, but also frustration because lemme tell ya, I've spent HOURS of my life trying to break that damn app. You can lock the setting (mine is set to 90 days) so that you can't uninstall the app until then. They let you use an accountability partner in this app too to unblock words from your blocklist, so I did the same "temp-email" thing and now my phone is completely bulletproof for 90 days. I've locked it so hard it's inconvenient lol. I literally can't even type the word "butt" (it's in my blocklist) into the browser or social media apps or my phone will close the window and lock the phone. There's also a setting that makes the lock last a long time. Mine is set to 2 minutes. I don't even try to peek anymore. In fact if I'm browsing and see any of my blocked words I'll exit out as quickly as I can so I don't lose access to my phone for 2 minutes. It's extremely annoying, which is why it works.
Having my phone and laptop bulletproofed was actually working really great, and technically hasn't failed me. Remember, I'm a computer guy though, so of course I had an old dusty laptop laying around somewhere. Yeah, my last relapse wasn't even with my phone or computer, it was with an old laptop I dug up because I couldn't break through my phone or computer. I've since thrown away or otherwise disposed of all the old electronics around my place that I could potentially use to cheat.
3. Track relapses on a calendar
I have a calendar in a little notebook (the same one I write my affirmations in), and every day that I don't watch porn, I fill in the day with a green marker. The days I'd relapse, I fill it with a red marker. Over the course of a month this gave me some crucial insight. The key to beating this thing is to bounce back ASAP from relapses.
I would have a good streak of like 12 green days, but then 4 red ones back to back... Then another streak of 10 green days, then 3 red ones. Whenever I'd relapse, I'd do it across multiple days with the logic that I'm "getting it all out of my system" before my next streak attempt.
I realized that if I had just relapsed one time, for one nut lol, then I'd just have one red day, and not multiple red days back to back. Now, by trying to shorten my relapses to one nut, I've had about 3 red days this past month. That's actually pretty decent right? I've only masturbated 3 days out of the month. I'm not ashamed of that number, that's less than non-addicted people masturbate. The reason I'm still fighting so hard to get rid of porn isn't because I do it too frequently anymore, it's now just because of the intensity of what I watch. I tend to watch some nasty fetishy stuff that I'm really trying to eliminate from my sexual appetite.
4. Try affirmations. They might actually work
I know "affirmations" kind of sounds like "you just have to believe in yourself," but hear me out....
I'm pretty big on self improvement and goals and all that. I'm an aspiring entrepreneur and, I admit, I subscribe to the whole "growth mindset", "positive outlook", "endless optimism" stuff that tends to come out of the entrepreneurship community. That's why I read this one book by Scott Adams called "How to Fail At Everything and Still Win Big" where he talks about affirmations and goals and stuff like that.
Basically the idea is this, everyday when you wake up, write down and say aloud your affirmation and spend a bit of time visualizing it to be true. "I, myName, will do _____" or something like that. But don't make it something that can be done in a day, it's meant to highlight the long-term goal. The author's affirmation was "I, Scott Adams, will be a famous cartoonist." The author is the creator of Dilbert, the comic strip btw. Basically, repeating this and imagining it to be true everyday "tricks" your brain into believing it to be true. It's kind of pseudo-sciencey I know, but I've tried it and it worked for me.
My affirmation for months has been "I, Clouds&Dirt, will turn "myBrand" into a famous brand." At this point, it's become like a part of my identity. The brand I'm building WILL be successful. It's no longer faux confidence. I genuinely believe that the affirmations hammered the thought into my head so hard that I actually now believe it to be true. Like, I'd pass a lie detector test if someone asked about it. With that said, I've added a new affirmation... "I, Clouds&Dirt, don't watch porn." I say it slowly, I write it, and I close my eyes and imagine myself being porn free and enjoying the benefits that come with that.
Now, technically this affirmation thing "failed" since I ended up relapsing anyway, but I think it just needs more time to set in. While I was relapsing, that phrase kept repeating in my head: "I don't watch porn." But this wasn't shame/guilt I was feeling, it was more like I felt awkward while watching the porn. Like the new identity I'm affirming (someone who doesn't watch porn) was directly battling with the porn addiction. Now, in this instance, the addiction won, but I think with more time this newly affirming identity will get stronger and eventually beat the urges to relapse.
Anyway, I'm actively testing this strategy, I'll let you guys know if I still think the affirmations are helping in future posts.
5. Accountability Partners(?)
The final new strategy I'm trying is to have an accountability partner. I just got on this site and don't have one so if anybody wants to pair up we can go for a 2023 new-years reboot together I guess haha. What better ally than an internet stranger? I'd also be down to start a little group chat or something with no more than 5 or 6 people where we can support each other if anyone would be interested. Preferably around my age but I guess anyone is welcome. Maybe a whatsApp or groupMe chat, idk.
I'll be updating my journal frequently, at least until I break through the 90 day mark. Honestly, bricking my phone and laptop alone might be enough for me to get to 90 days, but I'm doing everything I can on this one. Something about the optimism of the new year has me throwing all of my best strats at this addiction. I won't need it, but, wish me luck!
For me, the trick was to set up as many blockers as possible. What works best for me is the freedom app, as well as forwarding all porn sites to localhost via the /etc/hosts file (I found this nice GitHub page collecting all pornsites to be blocked