Good luck man,Thanks nick and Qwerty!
The good thing is: your anxiety will most probably improve a lot when you manage stay away from PMO! Most, if not all people report hugh improvements in that area. I wouldn't say that I have social anxiety myself. But there's still a huge difference for me between using porn and not using porn (and not fantasizing and masturbating compulsively). When I use porn to calm myself I tend to stop socializing, I shy away from discussions and disagreements and I get extremely insecure about myself.
If you did not do meditation in the past I'd really encourage you to give it a try! Might take you some time to really stick with it, as it is of course challenging to keep doing it on a daily basis, just like with any other new habit. But there are a lot of benefits. It will improve your willpower (by strengthening the frontal lobe), it will help you to stay in the present moment without worrying too much about the future and the past, it will help you to be more connected to yourself and your feelings, it will help you to recognize recurring patterns in your behavior and to better trace the "waves of cravings" and to accept them and let them pass by. It is a game changer for me and I really think it's beneficial for everyone for the reboot process but also for anxiety issues and for live itself in general.
I was puzzled for a moment, because the title of my old journal was actually "Rise and shine".
Wow, sounds like you're really doing great! Congratulations to your family and all the best to the three of you!
Actually I don't think I want kids. (I assumed that I would have kids by now when I was young. But I realized more and more that I am happy without kids.) The problem for me on the weekend was more seeing everybody being full of energy, full of life and having visions and goals in life. With myself just permanently struggling to not drown for the past 1.5 years and not even having the energy to think about my future or any goals and dream for myself. This is closely tied to my (most probably) long covid related health issues. But PMO makes my situation much worse. And I do have high hopes that getting clean will improve my mental and my physical well-being to a point from which I will be able to get really healthy again and look ahead to a positive future and make plans again.
I felt a bit better for the rest of the weekend. Also my energy seems to be higher than the last three weeks of March when it was really bad most of the time. But I have dangerous days/weeks ahead: just like last time its getting way harder to not indulge in fantasy now after three and a half weeks. This was the first misstep to failure last time. Not continuing to be strict with fantasy. Which led to a bit of touching/masturbation/edging, then to MO and finally to PMO.
My proclaimed next goal was to beat my own hardmode record of 40 days. But I'll squeeze in a new more urgent goal to not indulge in fantasy and stay away from touching my dick for the rest of the week.
I’ve had time up in the past and than let those fantasies play in my head and gone back to porn. I guess it’s about craving endorphins.
Stay strong you got this