Law
Member
Hi everyone!
I have been lurking around this website for some weeks now, and finally decided to start a journal.
I started watching porn pretty late, for a porn addict standards. Around 15 yo. But I got completely fascitaned and swallowed by it, always digging deeper into harder and weirder content. I'm currently 28 and never had any serious relationship. I hooked up once or twice but nothing else. Problem is that porn killed my drive to actually meet people, and put in the necessary work to build something with someone. I even got PIED once, as my brain was not even triggered by real sex anymore, instead expecting the usual dose of pixels to have a boner. At this point, the porn I watch is not even something I would want to experience in real life, it's completely disconnected from reality. It's gross, and I blame it on tolerance (needing more stuff/harder stuff to acheive the same result, as time goes by).
To be fair, porn is not my only cause of celibacy. I also have other issues that I am currently dealing with in life, about self confidence / self esteem and such, but they are another topic so I will keep them out of the journal. Futhermore I'm already seeing a psychiatrist to work on them.
I can't really complain about my life apart from that. Fair job, loving family, friends. Doing lots of sports at home to stay in shape, reading, listening to podcasts. Used to play a lot of video games. Maybe missing a few social activities from time to time, but that's it.
Back to porn. I am not strong enough to stop this on my own. Even with my best will, this is a Dr Jekyll & Mister Hyde type of situation, where after a few days I just end up relapsing again everytime, knowing full well that it's wrong (or at least wrong if I want to get out of this situation). I dont believe in using porn blockers or such softwares, as Mister Hyde (also known as Horny Me) will just deactivate them. It's too much of a hasle to play this game, when I know full well I'll find a way around anyway.
What I believe in, however, is twofold:
- I dont watch P because of" ultimate sexual arousing", as if I needed it otherwise I would explode. Instead, my triggers are more like boredom, feeling insecure, and wanting those moment of pleasure and control over this bunch of pixels that bring nothing good to the fullfilling life I aspire to. So to me, as to many other people most likely, porn does not answer a sexual need, and rather just fills a void in my heart or my brain.
Meaning that if I can anticipate and replace those moments of boredom/weakness, I can reduce the risk.
- If I cannot count on myself after a few days, I can count on you folks. Thinking that you are making me accountable for my resolutions, will hopefully help me hold where I failed before.
I pledge to stop P altogether and forever.
I dont plan to stop M, as long as it's done thinking about real(alistic) women and situations, to anchor sex back into reality.
We'll see how it goes.
Well I guess that's it. Thank you for reading, I wish you all the best in life, and well as a strong resolution in this endeavor.
Peace
I have been lurking around this website for some weeks now, and finally decided to start a journal.
I started watching porn pretty late, for a porn addict standards. Around 15 yo. But I got completely fascitaned and swallowed by it, always digging deeper into harder and weirder content. I'm currently 28 and never had any serious relationship. I hooked up once or twice but nothing else. Problem is that porn killed my drive to actually meet people, and put in the necessary work to build something with someone. I even got PIED once, as my brain was not even triggered by real sex anymore, instead expecting the usual dose of pixels to have a boner. At this point, the porn I watch is not even something I would want to experience in real life, it's completely disconnected from reality. It's gross, and I blame it on tolerance (needing more stuff/harder stuff to acheive the same result, as time goes by).
To be fair, porn is not my only cause of celibacy. I also have other issues that I am currently dealing with in life, about self confidence / self esteem and such, but they are another topic so I will keep them out of the journal. Futhermore I'm already seeing a psychiatrist to work on them.
I can't really complain about my life apart from that. Fair job, loving family, friends. Doing lots of sports at home to stay in shape, reading, listening to podcasts. Used to play a lot of video games. Maybe missing a few social activities from time to time, but that's it.
Back to porn. I am not strong enough to stop this on my own. Even with my best will, this is a Dr Jekyll & Mister Hyde type of situation, where after a few days I just end up relapsing again everytime, knowing full well that it's wrong (or at least wrong if I want to get out of this situation). I dont believe in using porn blockers or such softwares, as Mister Hyde (also known as Horny Me) will just deactivate them. It's too much of a hasle to play this game, when I know full well I'll find a way around anyway.
What I believe in, however, is twofold:
- I dont watch P because of" ultimate sexual arousing", as if I needed it otherwise I would explode. Instead, my triggers are more like boredom, feeling insecure, and wanting those moment of pleasure and control over this bunch of pixels that bring nothing good to the fullfilling life I aspire to. So to me, as to many other people most likely, porn does not answer a sexual need, and rather just fills a void in my heart or my brain.
Meaning that if I can anticipate and replace those moments of boredom/weakness, I can reduce the risk.
- If I cannot count on myself after a few days, I can count on you folks. Thinking that you are making me accountable for my resolutions, will hopefully help me hold where I failed before.
I pledge to stop P altogether and forever.
I dont plan to stop M, as long as it's done thinking about real(alistic) women and situations, to anchor sex back into reality.
We'll see how it goes.
Well I guess that's it. Thank you for reading, I wish you all the best in life, and well as a strong resolution in this endeavor.
Peace