Unbusting my balls

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 107/120

Starting to feel myself getting sick again. Doing well but losing track of sleep. Same old same old. What a back and forth. With PMO on the up & up, I think I should seriously hone in on sleep.

Onwards.
 

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 121/146

I'm long due thorough reflection. I haven't been entirely honest with myself, making vague statements in the past about what I'd like to achieve with rebooting and how. I realize now that this must include a complete reticence from pornographic material of any kind. Any willful browsing thereof should count as failure going forward, even though previously I did not treat it in this way. I found that by being forgiving of 'backsliding' and exposing myself to triggers, the true benefits of rebooting would never come. The same goes for masturbation and orgasm. Masturbation brings out the worst compulsive behavior in me. On the other hand, orgasm provides a far too strong release that my brain can wire impulses to. This is particularly relevant when treating ADD symptoms. As long as this is a factor, I will continue to teach my brain that an easy release is readily available. The past weeks, this has caused me to forsake positive coping mechanisms like meditation.

Since dropping my accounting of changes (=the "caterpillar of shame") here, I have been tardy with marking them in my productivity app.

I do admit that I am making progress with the things listed, but my videogame addiction got completely out of control over the holidays. Poor sleep and continuing illness kept me lazy and at home. I'm looking at ~80 hours over 2 weeks, which is an average of 5 hours per day. My lack of determination is suffocating other areas of my life. Sometimes the same ones I want to improve by rebooting. Looking back at how I spent the past 2 weeks... I'm gutted. There's definitely a lot of shame fueling this pain train.

With that said, I renew my commitment to do neither P or M and am going to keep a better account of how I spend my time. If I browse porn or masturbate at any point, I will punish myself by resetting my reboot timer. In essence, I'm challenging myself by making rebooting harder.
I set the counter to 146 days, as this overlaps with the end of this month. To me that's easier to shoot for than an arbitrary day.

That aside, I'm still taking it one day at a time.

Godspeed fellas. We're all gonna make it.

Onwards.
 

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 122/146

I scheduled my day for tomorrow and reviewed today to the details. I also did self-reflection for a total of 3 hours today. This constitutes "keeping a better account of how I spend my time". Despite not being productive otherwise, I feel like I had a real-knockout day despite the lingering illness. New insights gained, positive outlook achieved, resolve hardened. PMO urges were no issue at all considering my sit-down yesterday.

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Onwards.
 
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