Unbusting my balls

BrassBalls707

Active Member
I looked at porn yesterday so I'm starting over my counter. I was recently reminded that as an addict I need to be honest with myself first and foremost. Looking at porn is something I want to get rid of as much as PMO altogether. A reboot would never be as successful as it could be by sporadically engaging with porn. So, I'm facing the music now.

Day one starting on my birthday. Aiming for the end of the month into perpetuity.

Day 1/13

Back in the saddle. 🌅
 

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 7/13

No porn, no nothing. There's urges though when my medication wears off. Nothing does it for me then. It's still hard to tolerate boredom for me. I can occupy myself at several different angles like before or sit with the urges and wait... Both work. I'm still kicking.

Onwards.
 

BrassBalls707

Active Member
I slept little and felt compromised. I felt bored despite my good effort to keep busy. It wasn't enough. I saw an ad and within 5 seconds I was on a porn website. I browsed it for about 5 minutes then closed it, realizing I'd have to confront myself about this. I am now. Unfortunately I'm going to be a hardass, but that's for the better. Back to 0 you go.

Shit... here we go again.

I simply shouldn't be browsing mindlessly on my laptop. If I'm going to watch a video, I need to do *that* and nothing else. If I'm going to check my emails, I need to do *that* and get back off. If I'm going to play a game, then I need to do *that* for a set time, then recalibrate. Letting my mind wander with the vast internet at my fingertips is the prelude to wasting time. There is nothing meaningful for me to gain from porn. I need to tolerate boredom better, and stay uncompromised by sleeping enough. I thought this was basic shit for me... In any case, lesson learned.
 
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