Unbusting my balls

BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 11/30

No urges today even though I was home alone. I do have to say I browsed provocative and triggering material out of boredom. Not quite porn, but you might as well mark it as such. Felt no impulse to MO however, so that's strange. Nothing else to report. Is this usually how reboot journals go? Days without actively struggling?
 
Simon2

Simon2

Well-Known Member
Yep, there's easy days and there's hard days. For me it's always these waves.

browsing borderline material... For me that's always been really dangerous. I might do that one day, return to it the next and MO, and within a few days I'd be back to P. Best to avoid it all!

A key is to find something else to do when we're bored... A good book at the ready, something fun you like to do. We need to replace the habits we've created!
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 12/30

I've been struggling to follow my own advice lately, feeling myself veer towards a distant relapse. I'm going to list the things I know that work tomorrow and really focus hard on it. I haven't relapsed yet so I'm happy with that.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 13/30

I listed everything like I said I would. I'm glad I managed to do so instead of getting distracted from it. I didn't manage to focus on applying them, meaning I didn't get much done today. I'm glad with my progress so far, but I really hope I see progress on other issues too. I really need to push myself harder.

Still kicking!
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 14/30

Man oh man! I got a lot done today, but at a cost. Two times I went away to do something else and couldn't resist the urge to look at porn. Just PM and no O, but I'm still disappointed. I have to say the urge was strong, I remember thinking "just say no" but I lost the battle, convinced by the promise I wouldn't O. I didn't, but that doesn't make it acceptable.

As long as I flood my brain with pornographic material the situation won't improve. I think what triggered it was a sense of discomfort, from having sat most of the day or not being able to focus on what I was doing. I don't have a replacement activity for when I'm looking to clear my head, so I'm looking into that next.
Another reason for the lapse in willpower is the lack of hard things I've been doing lately. I think I can push myself harder (like I said yesterday, but now I know what it means) and choose to do one voluntary hard thing every day.

I'm considering moving the day counter back down because I PM'd. I probably didn't define it well for myself so I will now. If I PM again, I'm starting over. It's just as important as the rest and it feels like cheating.

I'm looking forward to keeping my word ✊.
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 16/30

I had an urge but wasn't ever in private today and by the time I was it was long gone. Triggered by someone walking by It was easy for the rest of the day but forgot to write up this post so I'm doing it the day after.
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
18/30

No issue with abstaining from PMO. No urges.
I think it's sleep related, but when I have interrupted sleep or sleep less than my usual amount I am DEPRESSED. Like 'no hope for the future I think about walking into traffic' depressed. Today was one of those days and think it might be reboot related. What do you guys think?
 
T

TypeN

Active Member
BrassBalls707 said:
18/30

No issue with abstaining from PMO. No urges.
I think it's sleep related, but when I have interrupted sleep or sleep less than my usual amount I am DEPRESSED. Like 'no hope for the future I think about walking into traffic' depressed. Today was one of those days and think it might be reboot related. What do you guys think?
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Sleep is hugely important for a positive mental state -- mine has improved a lot since starting to be sober and it brings an evenness and levelheadedness that you just can't have when you're badly fatigued. Obviously it won't magically cure depression, but it can help a lot when other factors aren't working against you. In this instance I would be more likely to attribute the depression to your sleep than to the reboot, but I imagine both are possible contributors.

I will say though that if you're struggling with feelings of that magnitude a therapist could be a very good tool in your life (I see you mentioned having had one before; if you don't now it could be good to consider revisiting the idea!)
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
TypeN said:
Sleep is hugely important for a positive mental state -- mine has improved a lot since starting to be sober and it brings an evenness and levelheadedness that you just can't have when you're badly fatigued. Obviously it won't magically cure depression, but it can help a lot when other factors aren't working against you. In this instance I would be more likely to attribute the depression to your sleep than to the reboot, but I imagine both are possible contributors.

I will say though that if you're struggling with feelings of that magnitude a therapist could be a very good tool in your life (I see you mentioned having had one before; if you don't now it could be good to consider revisiting the idea!)
Click to expand...
I'll definitely mention it to him again as it's being worked on. It's definitely harder to 'fix' than kicking PMO but will undoubtedly be easier once I wrangle PMO. Thank you for your thoughts :)
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 19/30

No urges today, no erection even (abnormal!). I think this is what was meant with "flatlining"? On the other hand it could also be the increasing fatigue. In any case, I'm feeling confident about the 30 days. I will do this. I just don't want to lose track of the other goals I have. Once the next semester starts stress is going to throttle like getaway car and I am dreading that moment. I am currently wondering what I will do to soften the impact of that trigger (stress). Academics are a sore and sensitive spot for me, I hope to sleep well soon so I have the motivation to get ahead of it all.

2/3 done. Cock n' load 💪😎
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 20/30

Saw some triggering material but honestly didn't feel any urges as I went away from it pretty quick in conscious response. I did have an urge conceived from boredom. I began to imagine sexual acts to kill time. I stopped after about a minute, and I didn't think of it anymore afterwards.

That moment got me thinking however. My imagination is terribly vivid, making it hard to forget sexual imagery or unlearn conjuring it up myself. I wonder what I can do to make those impulses stagnate, aside from meditation (training conscientiousness) and stopping to feed the thoughts inspiration (porn).

What do you guys think?

Almost one month MO free. Still haven't thought about how to get ahead of the inbound stress I talked about yesterday. The next days are gonna be hard. Not in a good way!
 
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BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 21/30

The struggle has resumed. Once I got back from vacation I felt the pull to return to old habits. I worked through the urges in the evening at night and the morning thereafter. I'm quite embarrassed at my poor impulse control because my thoughts would just wander right into the gutter at every turn. Keeping busy helped tremendously. I'm going to try clogging my schedule so I don't have time to think about PMO.
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 22/30

I started taking my phone to bed in the morning and it's screwing me bad. The only good thing it manages to do is keep me awake long enough to avoid falling asleep instantly. I think that's indicative of another problem, the fact I wake up tired. I'm still putting my phone away, which is good. To continue benefitting from that change in habit I need to start going to bed earlier. As of now I'm reinstituting a sleep reminder (which I've made a habit of disabling). To help with building fatigue, increasing/switching up exercise routines should help. I'm planning in cardio sessions for the upcoming week, starting tomorrow (Sunday).

I'm also struggling heavily with urges. I felt perpetually sexually frustrated the last day and it made me agitated, unfocused and meek. I indulged in other dopaminergic activities which I regret, for I don't want to replace one bad thing with another.

I read that having an activity ready for when these moments arrive is key, so I did exactly that and began to read. I'm going to add it to my list of changes so I don't forget to apply it. The next week is going to be overwhelmingly busy.

Godspeed.
 
BrassBalls707

BrassBalls707

Active Member
Day 23/30

Few urges today, only in the morning. I think it's partly because of how busy it was. I took a look at my schedule for next week and WOW it's packed. I think the last days are gonna be a breeze. I've reminded myself of activities I have ready but didn't need to use them today. I'm hopeful, just worried about mounting stress, still trying my hardest to get ahead of it. Any tips besides exercise and meditation?
 
T

Trisquel

Active Member
BrassBalls707 said:
Day 22/30

I started taking my phone to bed in the morning and it's screwing me bad. The only good thing it manages to do is keep me awake long enough to avoid falling asleep instantly. I think that's indicative of another problem, the fact I wake up tired. I'm still putting my phone away, which is good. To continue benefitting from that change in habit I need to start going to bed earlier. As of now I'm reinstituting a sleep reminder (which I've made a habit of disabling). To help with building fatigue, increasing/switching up exercise routines should help. I'm planning in cardio sessions for the upcoming week, starting tomorrow (Sunday).

I'm also struggling heavily with urges. I felt perpetually sexually frustrated the last day and it made me agitated, unfocused and meek. I indulged in other dopaminergic activities which I regret, for I don't want to replace one bad thing with another.

I read that having an activity ready for when these moments arrive is key, so I did exactly that and began to read. I'm going to add it to my list of changes so I don't forget to apply it. The next week is going to be overwhelmingly busy.

Godspeed.
Click to expand...
Having a good sleeping routine is crutial for me, and it has huge effects. I encourage you to read a bit about sleep hygiene.

Good luck on your busy week, I hope you can manage it.
Is cool you are exercising, in my experience it also helps!!

good luck with the urges, they are a bitch, but think that they are there just to train you to overcome your addiction.

Cheers, wish you the best

Cheers
 
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