Hi peeps. Recovered PA here. Have been on the forum in the past under an old email. Was addicted for many years and worked on recovery for many years. I did a few courses (Mark Queppet, Noah Church, Fight the new Drug - some that come to mind), read probably over 100 self help books, got into zen, meditation and mindfulness, I now approach sex in a tantric/ non-goal orientated way, and I speak to an affordable therapist on 'better help' once a week. I also use Covenant Eyes, so my phone and computer activity is accountable to my wife.
There was no quick fix. All the work I did was accumulative. After a lapse, I would feel hopeless, but the truth was, I was on the right path, getting better. By reading books on zen, I was able to let go of my ego a bit. I care so much about what people think of me, so there was a lot of shame around this issue. All the courses say, 'tell your spouse, or a person close to you, don't fight this alone,' but I couldn't manage that. But having read all that stuff about dropping the ego, after another lapse and feeling like I was at rock bottom, I told my wife - wasn't easy, but we moved forward together. I didn't even want to sign up for an online course because I didn't want to reveal my information. Courses aren't cheap either, but the creators put a lot of time into them and they're worth it. picking up 'top five' tips from a forum is one thing, but getting a step by step set of instructions from someone who has formulated a path is another. No 1 course got me to where I wanted to be, but they all helped. Committing to a course, parting with money, telling my spouse, they are all things I put off. The delay made my recoverey years longer than it could have been, but I had to find my way, and I'm grateful I made it.
If you're feeling hopeless, keep the faith. by being here, you're on the right path.
There was no quick fix. All the work I did was accumulative. After a lapse, I would feel hopeless, but the truth was, I was on the right path, getting better. By reading books on zen, I was able to let go of my ego a bit. I care so much about what people think of me, so there was a lot of shame around this issue. All the courses say, 'tell your spouse, or a person close to you, don't fight this alone,' but I couldn't manage that. But having read all that stuff about dropping the ego, after another lapse and feeling like I was at rock bottom, I told my wife - wasn't easy, but we moved forward together. I didn't even want to sign up for an online course because I didn't want to reveal my information. Courses aren't cheap either, but the creators put a lot of time into them and they're worth it. picking up 'top five' tips from a forum is one thing, but getting a step by step set of instructions from someone who has formulated a path is another. No 1 course got me to where I wanted to be, but they all helped. Committing to a course, parting with money, telling my spouse, they are all things I put off. The delay made my recoverey years longer than it could have been, but I had to find my way, and I'm grateful I made it.
If you're feeling hopeless, keep the faith. by being here, you're on the right path.
